Once upon a time, one of my good friends, Jay, met this girl, Lisa. I met Lisa sometime near the beginning of the school year. She said that she knew Jay. I became pretty good friends with Lisa. One day, she told me that she liked Jay. She liked him a lot. This was about a month before the Homecoming dance at school, but Jay already had someone to go with, so I couldn't really tell him about it. Also, Lisa had a boyfriend, whom she ended up going with, but she really didn't like him much. She ditched him at the dance, which wasn't a really nice thing to do at all, but that's not part of the story.

Anyway, Lisa ends up hanging out with me at the dance for a long time, because we kind of got locked outside... but yeah. We talk about Jay, what she thinks of him, and what I thought she should do. I get to know her fairly well. A few days pass, and she finally decides to tell him online what she thinks of him. He tells me about it, and how happy he was to hear it, because he had his eye on her as well.

A little while later, and they are going out. Soon enough, they fall in love with each other and are practically inseperable. Jay talked about her all the time, and I must say, I don't blame him. She is a very smart person, funny, nice, caring, and very attractive. They are together for about four and a half months until their relationship comes to an abrupt stop.

She called him one day about two weeks ago to tell him that she was very confused. Jay, not knowing what to say, told her that she just needs to be with him again, just hang out, and everything would be fine.

But she insisted that it was different now. She said that she felt as if she was breaking away from him, and couldn't do anything about it. At that moment, Jay dropped the phone, completely speechless and emotionless. He had no idea what had happened.

The next time he saw her was at a party at a friend's house to which I was invited as well. It was definately very strange to see them both in the same field of view and not in each others' arms. Jay was in a state of denial for about two days until it finally hit him. Every Monday night, Jay and I go to jew school. He was in an extremely depressed mood the whole time; he looked like he was about to break. He was also like that in school that day. We skipped the second class and he took me where the two of them used to go hang out, behind a large hill in the back of the building. He basically poured his emotions out to me for an hour.

While the two were going out, I talked to both of them quite often, as they are both good friends of mine. Lisa told me many things that she didn't even tell Jay; she kept saying that I was the friend she trusted the most. If any of you remember, a while back I posted about a friend of mine cheating on his girl, but it was really accidental and he felt horrible about it afterward. He was debating on whether or not to tell her. In the end he didn't, and I respected his desision. That friend was Jay, and Lisa was his girl.

Something I want to add in is that since Jay broke up with her, he started smoking pot. He says he will only do it while he's getting his life back on track, but I fear that it will just cause more problems than it will solve. He's really getting into it now, and it kind of worries me. I mean, I have a positive opinion toward pot; if I got the chance to smoke, I'd smoke, although I never have. He began blowing all his cash on it recently, and it might get to be a big problem.

Well anyway, here it is now, about a week and a half later. This past Saturday, the three of us (Jay, Lisa, and I) were all invited to a party at a friend's house. Things are going a little better; Jay wasn't feeling as down as he was the past Monday. He told me he came to the party high though, which he regretted because he had didn't have any idea of what was happening half the time. That only lasted the first hour or so. About halfway into the party, a bunch of us are hanging out on the trampoline outside in the dark. Jay and this other girl, Karen, were "chillin", you know. They didn't kiss or anything, but they got pretty close. Now Lisa is just hanging out somewhere, talking to some people. She feels horrible about what she did to Jay, because she still loved him very much. She just didn't feel the same way anymore, and felt that it would be best to break the relationship off instead of dragging on a lie. I have to agree with her there; even though it hurt both of them, it hurt much less than it would have if she just continued in the relationship without the same feelings. In addition it is also very difficult to tell someone who loves you as much as Jay loved Lisa that she just didn't feel the same anymore.

A friend of Lisa, Carly, is an alright person, but she has a repitition of telling people things they really don't need to know (a.k.a. GOSSIP). After seeing Jay and Karen, she goes over to tell Lisa that she thinks they were making out on the trampoline, setting off a chain reaction. Lisa becomes very upset at Jay for something he didn't even do, and Karen becomes even more upset at Carly for spreading shit like that. I know I just confused a lot of you, but please try to bare with me.

Now, Jay and Lisa are both upset at each other; Jay because of the way Lisa broke his heart, and avoiding him at school (she had reason to, although not good... she didn't want to cry around him, which she undoubtedly would've done). Lisa was mad because she believed Carly. She wasn't ready to see Jay with someone else, and it made her feel even worse.

I know this is already excruciatingly long, but if you've gotten to here, it gets good now. And it's almost done, too. Everyone kind of forgets about the situation and goes and has a fun time dancing and stuff inside. Lisa and I were still outside though, on the hammock, and later on the trampoline. I talked to her about Jay, she told me how she felt and everything... I just needed both sides of the story, I guess. But after she was pretty much done explaining everything, we just kind of laid next to each other staring up. Then she said something to me. It went something like, "You know, you're one of the few people who I really trust. You are one of my greatest friends, and you've helped me through so much stuff." It made me feel good that I was really helping out between them; they both needed it.

After a little while of both of us just lying there, I just put my arm around her, kind of a half-assed hug thing, hah. Soon she kind of gets closer in with me. I had an idea of what was going through her head, but I'll never know for sure... Anyway, I start running my fingers over her side, and she makes this noise, kind of like a pleasurable sigh.. I hope you see where this is going. I didn't know why I was doing it at the time, it felt kind of wrong.. but so right at the same time. I could tell she felt the same. She was breathing heavily by the time someone came out and yelled out looking for her. We quickly stopped and he came to tell us her dad was here. She left. Shortly after I left as well, the feeling of her right next to me completely filling my mind. I couldn't sleep much that night, just thinking about it. I haven't talked to her about what happened since then, nor have I told anybody.

What I wanted to ask the wise members of this board is, what's going through this girl's head?! I mean, she's in love with Jay, decides that she just doesn't feel the same about him anymore over a period of about two weeks, they break up, his heart is broke, she feels like an asshole for doing it... then, she goes along and at the party and gets.. close with me. I don't know. I'm confused about this one. I've only really talked to one person about this, and she suggested two things: One being that she's getting feelings for me, which I highly doubt. Even if she did, I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her, despite her good attributes, after what she did to my best friend. You know the saying, bros before hoes..

The other thing she suggested was that she was just trying to get back at Jay for what she originally thought he did with Karen. I thought about it, but then decided that she's really not the kind of person who would do such a thing; basically using me to get back at him.

Help?

I really, truly appreciate those who read this entire story; my longest totse post by far. If I ever see you, I'll give you a big, warm, gooey, chewy, chocolate chunk cookie.



[This message has been edited by jojabr (edited 03-31-2004).]

Any chance Lisa found out about Jay's old infidelity and chose not to discuss it with anyone?

I've said it before: I detest gossip. it does nothing but cause trouble. If only people refused to pay attention to it.

What's going through her head? You're smarter than to even TRY to figure this out, considering all that's going on. Anyone may speculate: She's always liked you, she's decided she likes you now, she was in need that moment of being close to someone she trusts, she was randomly horny, she wanted to "get back" at Jay, she liked the way you smelled...etc, etc.

Just keep moving forward with an open mind. There's too many unknown variables, but it seems likely the mysteries will unfold in due time.

Chances are that she feels lonely and was grasping for someone to be close to. Do not take this as a sign of a potential relationship...give her some time so that you're not just a rebound boyfriend to clean up her emotional wreck. Continue being a friend, and if shit happens a week or so from now, then you should take action on it.

Damn, Cindy, you're always the first one on my topics!

Oh, and case you didn't know, we're all 15 years old, 1st year of high school.

And Cindy, the only people who knew about Jay's incident with the other girl are me, another friend of ours, and (this was a fucking horrible idea of Jay's) Lisa's cousin, who lives in Boston. She is very close to Lisa, and they talk pretty often, so there's a chance that she told her what happened. I doubt she did though, because she's a trustworthy person, and realized that at the time it would've just created more harm than good, so I'm really hoping (and so is Jay) that she kept it.

And you know what? I detest gossip too. But there always has to be that person who goes around and starts it. Always. And there are always people who listen.

Heh, "she liked the way you smelled", haha.. If that was it, I must've smelled damn good

Anyway, I think that something or another will happen in the near future as well. I just wanted to see what kind of opinions you had on the current situation as it stands. I'll keep you updated on anything new that happens, though.

And like I said before, after what she did with Jay, I don't think I could bring myself into a relationship with her, even if she wanted to. But she really is an emotional wreck right now; both of them are, and she's probably just very, very confused. I don't blame her. Love has a tendancy to do that more than sometimes.

[This message has been edited by jojabr (edited 03-31-2004).]

Sounds complicated (and it is) but I suggest (as usual) Occam's razor applies.

She was lonely. She was feeling unloved, unwanted, unneeded. You told her you cared about her (don't read more into your actions than that). She drifted off into a feeling of comfort and security. End of story.

It's not going anywhere, but if you need her, she'll probably be there for you.

Don't stress about it, keep moving forward and everything is roses,

- Magician

quote:Originally posted by magician:

Sounds complicated (and it is) but I suggest (as usual) Occam's razor applies.

She was lonely. She was feeling unloved, unwanted, unneeded. You told her you cared about her (don't read more into your actions than that). She drifted off into a feeling of comfort and security. End of story.

It's not going anywhere, but if you need her, she'll probably be there for you.

Don't stress about it, keep moving forward and everything is roses,

- Magician



ditto. i couldn't have said it better.

You could of summed that whole thing up in two paragraphs...for shame.

I play that part too. The single-walking-around-enjoying-the world watching everyone and helping- guy. its all peaceful

The shit just hit the fan.

I've been talking to her for a good part of the whole afternoon so far, for the first time, about what happened. She likes me. She's liked me for a while now, but she's been denying it to herself and to everyone else. But she says she finally had to just be close to me, like on Saturday, to realize it all and stop denying it. Damn.

She wants me to come over on Friday, to her place, to hang out. Chances are that something big would happen. And if I do end up going, and that happening, and it got to Jay, it would suck majorly.

I like her too. I just don't want to hurt Jay. But that's pretty damn hard. I just don't know anymore. Too fucking confused... I'll post later.. shit...

Stupid hormones. Stupid emotions. Stupid everything!

quote:Originally posted by jojabr:

The shit just hit the fan.



do NOT, i repeat, do NOT, do anything that would ruin either of your friendships if both Lisa and Jay mean anything to you. seriously, it's good you're considering Jay's feelings on this, but then considering yours.... hmm this is confusing ... well main thing is, what's important to you? a relationship or a friendship? oh and if you worry about doin stuff with her when you hang out, then don't, or see if other people can come, just so you can figure things out before you do something you might regret.

for fucks sake man...dont get with her.

for everyone's benefit.

seriously. like you have said, she is an emotional wreck. now is not the time for her to be getting intimate with anyone.

keep in mind this next statement is coming form a girl: i 100% agree with the bros before hoes thing!

it works both ways...the words just dont rhyme. but friends are always more importnant than girlfriends(boyfriends).

if you got with lisa, jay would dump u on your ass faster than u could blink.

i know what its like to be in that situation, but trust me, it wont work out. if you did go with lisa, you would lose jay forever. and then what? you have this girl, who is emotionally deranged at the moment, and how long do u think your relationship will last? are you going to marry her? do you love her? i mean losing your friend jay is a rediculous price to pay for a girl no matter how awesome she is. especially when she is your friends ex.

just leave it alone. be her friend. be his friend.

quote:Originally posted by Nymphomaniac:

for fucks sake man...dont get with her.

for everyone's benefit.

seriously. like you have said, she is an emotional wreck. now is not the time for her to be getting intimate with anyone.

keep in mind this next statement is coming form a girl: i 100% agree with the bros before hoes thing!

it works both ways...the words just dont rhyme. but friends are always more importnant than girlfriends(boyfriends).

if you got with lisa, jay would dump u on your ass faster than u could blink.

i know what its like to be in that situation, but trust me, it wont work out. if you did go with lisa, you would lose jay forever. and then what? you have this girl, who is emotionally deranged at the moment, and how long do u think your relationship will last? are you going to marry her? do you love her? i mean losing your friend jay is a rediculous price to pay for a girl no matter how awesome she is. especially when she is your friends ex.

just leave it alone. be her friend. be his friend.

but friends are always more importnant than girlfriends(boyfriends).

1.First off they are really good friends so it really doesnt imply to them.

2.Talk to jay and tell him you have feelings more than just a friend ship with her, if shes worth it, it shouldnt be that hard to ask jay.

3.I've had a similar thing happen to me and a friend only it was the other way around, and i know that she doesnt like me like that anymore and if you and jay are as tight as me and carter then all will be ok.

Do not do anything with her! If you respect Jay, go to him and tell him everything. The only way this will end happily is with his blessing.

Next, if you decide to pursue anything with her, wait awhile. Explain to her why. She may have ended with Jay because she could tell something was up with out being told. Plus, she had feelings for you. Just be guarded. She may also be going through a freedom stage. She was tied up for awhile but got scared and now misses the closeness of a relationship.