Ok so as some know I met my g/f for the first time a month ago and we are now engaged and all. Anyway she has a child who just turned 4 this weekend. Anyway his father told her upon hearing she was pregnant that "I don't want nothing to do with you or your damn kid" and hasn't been seen or heard from since.

Now while she was here she was all the while plannng her kids birthday and asking me for ideas and all and she has been trying to get his party sorted for a while and it is a really big thing for her and all. Its like last years birthday didnt go to well because of some stuff that had been going on and so she really wanted it to be special.

Ok now she was here and she gets told that her friend from back home (She is away at college) had her baby. Anwyay she got to meet up with this girl who was a friend from when she was with her childs daddy at the weekend for the party. This girl starts going on abut how her b/f is great with the baby and shit and then begins to question my fiancee abotu when she will let her son meet his father. She keeps this up for a while and then eventually leaves it. Now that night they were going out with two other people to a club and while in the club my fiancee sees her ex for the 1st time in 4 years. Now he said nothing just looked at her and went away.

Ok so she got a bit upset and was telling me that she doesnt want people pressuring her to make her let him see her son and all. I believe that her friend had been talking to the daddy and that this was a bit of a set up as its just way too big a coincidence but my fiancee hinks Im wrong but she is a bit concerned about what to do.

Now Im in the same situation as her son in that my mam and dad split beofre I was born and I only met my father at 18 and to this day wish I hadnt, but he wanted to be involved but wasnt allowed by my mother or granparents. So I basically told her what I would want if I was her son but I would like to know what others would do in the same situation. I just want to be able to say something useful and hough she thanked me for saying what I did, I basicaly told her that she knows her son better than anyone and what he needs and that she should never let anyone interfere or pressure her into making decisions like that, but she is still a bit upset at the fact it was a friend that was pressuring her even though this friend knows what a bastard this guy is.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions on what to say to her.

If she has good reasons for not wanting daddy around, then she's doing the right thing. Other people need to just mind their own.

If she's got no real reason for keeping the child's father away, well... is it possible?

She has very good reasons for not having him round.

She would have been a sort of A student involved in everything from debating to dancing and allsort of afterschool stuff and though he was not a major troublemaker or anything he wasnt up to much. Anyway he soon changed that and has been involved in alot of shit. Now she doesnt claim to know about him now just say the year after she gave birth but she still has contact with people who give her the major things that are going on with this guy.

Though to me any guy that turnss arund and says what he did doesnt desrve to have a child or any contact. Right now her child is getting ready for school later in the year and has a few other things going on and the last thing she wants is Daddy coming along getting him worked up or whatever and then Daddy to decide after a month he wants out again.

I know others need to mind their own and she will say she does too. She even says that about our relationship, I mean she and I have both had a bit of grief from friends about it becasue of the distance and all but she always says we are whats important in this nobody else but sometimes she does let it get to her and she gets upset. I suppose its the fact that these people are there around her all the time wearing her down and she can only really get support from me over the phone at the moment. And thats my concern that she will let them get to her and do something she doesnt think is right or best or is just unsure of but does anyway, though where her son is concerned I cant see her doing that but she might feel she has been pressured too much if you know what I mean.