Hi guys...

I figured I'd post again... DAMN! Totse is a good place to vent.

Anyways, for those of you that have read my past post here's an update on my heartbreaker...

Well, I have been informed that I was leaving for Haiti with the Forces earlier this month... I guess friday is my lucky day.

My best friend (female), who has practicly moved in, has been rather nostalgic lately. I've known her for a really long time... We know each other inside and out.

Anyways... she droped a bomb on me this weekend that has me totaly fucked up. She broke off the engagement with her fiance. To make it worse, she tried to tell me that she loved me... I say tried because I stoped her as soon as I heard "I love y...". Those were the last words I wanted to hear from her mouth... It seemed that everything was perfect. She was my friend, nothing more. It didn't hurt like it does now...

I kind of knew that this would happen eventually... Her being so far away from him was really hard for her. I did everything in my power to make it easier for her... However, it seems I made it worse. I never thought she'd do something this extreme. I don't know if she became attached to me because of her seeing me more than him, or because it's her true feelings. I don't know if it was right that I was there for her so much... I just wanted her to get through this "phase". They were supposed to get married this summer. Next year, her fiance would have finally moved in with her; he was going to pursue his master's at her school. He's a really wonderful man. I've known him for two years; him and I couldn't get along any better. It kills me that I might be the cause of their brake-up. They were highschool sweethearts and all... What hurts me more is the fact that I feel as though I might have ruined something great for the both of 'em.

Last week, she was telling me that if we would have known each other a little earlier, well you can figure that one out... I feel as though she's just heartbroken and confused because of her situation. I can't believe for a minute that she'd throw everything away just to be with me... Her ex-fiance is so much more than I'll ever be. He's going to become a doctor for christ's sake! All I'm ever gonna be is a grunt...

There's a part inside of me that wants to tell her that I love her... but if I give in to that weakness, I'll split them apart for good... It hurts like hell; I don't know what to do anymore... I have five days left before I leave. All I feel I can do now is get them back together somehow... But I guess that's hard when I'm pretty much the problem.

Well, feel free to respond/flame. Sorry for the rant, but damn it feels good to let it out!

Toodles

i feel for you man. What were the stipulations that made them split up? Depending on that, I would make my judgement if I were you. Just remember this could be the chance of a life time. And nice guys finish last. If your cool with that then I think you should keep doing what your doing.(the honorable thing) I'm sure she has even more respect for you now having said that.

Do you love her? i mean really love her because that would suck if you didnt later, umm if you really love her run over to her house and confess your love.