Never thought about it before one of my mates just asked me about my first relationship last night. It's not something I talk about much just because it's so far in the past, now. But, he says it was sick and twisted.:

When I was seven years old, he was seventeen and had just moved into the neighborhood from White Chapel, Britian. We lived in a latin neighborhood and I remember him very clearly because he stuck out with his accent and that he'd never known many latinos.

When I was eleven and he was twenty one and that's when he started to notice me, I suppose. He would look out for us kids when we were playing in the street, but he took a distinct interest in me around that age. He started taking me to eat at the taqueria, the ice cream parlor, buying me little candies and toys all the time. And he told me that one day he was going to marry me.

And when I was thirteen and he was twenty three, he kissed me for the first time. But, he waited until I was fourteen to make me his steady girlfriend.

He talked to my mum about it, and swore he had good intentions, and my mum was okay with it. So, I was his girlfriend and the girls at school thought I was cool because he would pick me up in his car, take me to lunch, we'd go and get stoned in the park, get drunk on the hill.

We made out a lot, but nothing more. And as time went by we kissed less and less and he became more of a father figure. He buttoned my jacket up, brought me soup when I was sick, made sure I did my homework, etc...

After a year of this, I broke up with him to date someone else. He was upset and ended up getting some girl knocked up. Two months later, I took me him back, even though the girl didn't want an abortion. That's when he asked me to marry him.

We were going to move to White Chapel, as far away from my parents as possible. Besides, our marriage would be legal there. His aunts flew in from England to help me pick out the dress and then, a week before the wedding, he told me that he was still sleeping with the other girl.

Granted, in the three years we dated, we never slept together. He only saw me with my shirt off once. So, I was very upset, and despite that he promised it would end, I called off the wedding and went home to my mother.

I was living with him, in seperate rooms.

Now that I look back on it, it was strange.

But, would you consider this paedophilia? I mean, he was in love with me and he never slept with me or even touched me very much. But, I do wonder 'why me?'.

Cheers,

Lost

Yes. It is, and he is sick, and should be locked up, along with your mother for allowing it.

strange yes,sick no! most men would have bedded you as soon as you were old enough to bleed.(especially those hippocrites now screaming "unnatural").

It is a wee bit odd. A 10 year difference is a bit too much though. 2 years is alright 3 maybe 4 no way. Thats just he should get raped.

I wouldn't call him a Paedaphile. If he was, he would've done much more to/with you than he did. He actually sounds like an all-around nice guy

I don't know, maybe not totally healthy? Yet a lot of men in a similar situation might have used manipulation, bribes or threats to

"drive home his point".

Who knows if it would have worked out? You are, no doubt, a differnt person now. Aren't you more intelligent & sleek now, than he was

at the same age?

If you were both 23 today, would you hang out with him?

Strictly LEGALLY speaking, he was probably a pedaphile. But it seems to me he was not really a pedaphile at heart. He didn't force you into anything. He didn't rape you, intimidate you, threaten you. He did not have a "total trust" relationship with you (like a father, or Priest, teacher, or Doctor) when he got you to do the things you did. I think what he did was animal STUPID and wrong, but I can't make him into a truly loathsome "pedaphile" in my mind, based on what you tell me. Just my opinion though. Love, Venus.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:



Who knows if it would have worked out? You are, no doubt, a differnt person now. Aren't you more intelligent & sleek now, than he was

at the same age?

If you were both 23 today, would you hang out with him?

The way I looked at it was, he wasn't a very bright guy. He was all brawn and no brains. I was all brain and no brawns. So, he thought I was a genius and literally worshiped the ground I walked on. And what fourteen year old girl can resist and big, strong, good looking guy, who worships her? So, I overlooked the fact that he wasn't intelligent and focused on the fact that he really worked hard and was really ambitious.

He put himself through trade school, got himself a well paying job as an electrician, bought a car, bought a house, etc... And I had been with him since day one, when he had nothing.

So, our relationship - odd as it was - had a strong foundation. I imagine, if we'd gone through with the wedding, we probably would've moved to England, he'd've become an electrician, and I'd've been a housewife. I'd've popped out a few babies and eventually, had a nervous breakdown and either left him or have to stay periodically in a sanitarium. He wasn't against my artistic pursuits but he never supported them, especially my pursuits in music.

Anyways, no, I probably would not have hung out with him if we were the same age. Now I'm mature enough so that his age and good looks wouldn't impress me enough to overlook intelligence.

Cheers,

Lost

Legally it's just a misdemeanor unless there is intercourse, but he sounds pretty sick. He was watching you from when you were little; ovsiously knowing you were too young for him. Then waited until you got old enough so he felt less guilty about it. It sounds pretty messed up.

I fucking hate pedophiles with a passion.

LostCause: Do you feel as if your relationship negatively affected you?

I have no idealogical qualms with paedaphilia. I feel as if I could never deny someone the chance to love. I could also never excuse the damage the relationship often does to the child.

Lolita is a fantastic novel which involves these issues.

I believe for it to be a proper Jerry Lee, you would have to be cousins.

quote:Originally posted by Bella:

Legally it's just a misdemeanor unless there is intercourse, but he sounds pretty sick. He was watching you from when you were little; ovsiously knowing you were too young for him. Then waited until you got old enough so he felt less guilty about it. It sounds pretty messed up.

I fucking hate pedophiles with a passion.

Going by what she just said of the guy, though, you might be assuming too much brainpower.

The fact he was "paying attention" to you at eleven definitely suggests the basic urges of a pedophile, but he was apparently well-trained enough to know that it was wrong. If only everyone could reach even that level of comprehension..

I wouldn't see him as a true pedophile; He was attracted to you, but didn't put much emphasis on your body [youthful features and so on, if he only saw you with your top off once]. Not to mention, he discussed it with your mother and wanted something serious, not a 'if you keep it hushed I'll make you feel good' type of way. Nor blackmailing.

But there was definetly something a bit odd there; Maybe he wanted to be stopped, hense the discussing with your mum, etc..

I don't really see it as wrong; He didn't force you to do anything, seemed child like himself yet responsible in another way, he didn't bribe nor manipulate you, and made sure everyone was concenting to this.

People like that might have issues, but they're pretty much harmless. [I personally used to be very close to 30 year old man, his behavior was what most people who knew me and him labled as pedophilia, but I genuinly believe that he had no bad intentions. He hugged me when I was down, gave me advice in regards to sex (given that he was bi) if I asked for it and made me laugh, he was just someone I was very close to]

Eh, but it's over now innit? We all have our lil quirks and such.

quote:Originally posted by Sol463:

I believe for it to be a proper Jerry Lee, you would have to be cousins.

What does it mean "Jerry Lee"?

I reckon it could be another thing but I interpret it to be a reference to Jerry Lee "Great Balls of Fire" Lewis, who had an affair with his thirteen year old cousin whom he eventually married.

Perhaps, rather being a pedo, he was sorta Immature or something? as in never wanted to stop being a little childlike...

Sorta like what Jackson CLAIMS he is...

"Perhaps, rather being a pedo, he was sorta Immature or something?"

I always sort of imagined that's what it was because he wasn't very intelligent and he put a great deal of emphasis on my intelligence and on my education. It was very important to him that I go to college and get good grades. He always wanted to know what I was learning in school.

But, I don't know, lately.

He said on more than one occassion, the reason he was waiting for sex with me was because I need ripen and that the best way to find a good wife is to cultivate her from childhood. Meet her when she's a child and then mold her into what you want her to be, more or less.

It got to the point where he would tell me I needed to gain weight so I'd stop looking like a skinny little child.

I don't really know what to think about it anymore, is all.

Cheers,

Lost

God bless ou for being able to spell paedophilia!

And movng on...

I belive that love really has no boundaries of age. Sure, it's a little weird that there is a 10-year difference, but unless it bothers you, it's all good.

He really doesn't sound like a true paedophile although I'm sure society would consider him to be so. Almost sounds like he followed really old traditions and the traditions of some various indiginous tribes where a rather young girl became engaged to an older male but they didn't get married or anything until she was matured.

why do you all spell pedophile "paedophile"?

That's all the past. The important question is: now, are you ripe... no, nooo. Just please forget, that I (& ssooo many others do

wonder) think about such things.

Personally, I'm a glad, yer not yet some kids

ma ( tho, it's been known to hap at the drop of a hat). Apparently Courtney is burnin' fast & someone younger, is needed to fill her

shoes.

Well,gwirlfwiend?Are ya getting ready?

[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 03-20-2004).]

Mold you...? Sounds like he wanted your intelligence and the looks that followed, without waiting so he'd keep you to himself.

But that definetly makes things a tad more disturbing.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:



Personally, I'm a glad, yer not yet some kids

ma ( tho, it's been known to hap at the drop of a hat). Apparently Courtney is burnin' fast & someone younger, is needed to fill her

shoes.

[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 03-20-2004).]

Not to be horribly off topic here, but... I saw her on the news flashing David Letterman.

Is it like a rule now that every female that goes on that show has to flash the host or was she just being a copy cat?

Cheers,

Lost