Okay, I'm in a situation I've been before, yet I still do not know how to go about it.

My girlfriend thinks she's mean to me, she thinks that by losing me in a conversation and me getting confused is being mean to me. She thinks that she does all these wrong things... yet, they aren't wrong... they aren't mean.. Another example, she thinks she's being mean by telling me something I've done bugged her, or made her feel anything but good.. Now for fuck's sake, if I did something to make her feel uneasy or uncomfortable, I want to know so I won't do it again! Anyway,

I love her to death, she means so much to me. She brings a smile to my face even when she isn't around. She makes me everything BUT unhappy.. She's everything BUT mean to me. So I just do not understand where she's getting this from? I've told her she's the best thing that has happened to me.

Now I know some girls say this to make it easier for them to break-up with a guy... but I don't think that's the case with my girlfriend. I honestly do think she wants me as much as I want her, however she has this feeling that she doesn't deserve me. How can I help her with this? How can I help her realize that she's not being mean to me?

Thanks for your help

It sounds like she has some previous issues with relationships. She's trying so hard to treat you right and to say and do the right things, she can't notice that's what she is doing. It sounds like a confidence problem. Perhaps there was an ex who dumped her for "upsetting" him, so she's trying to overcompensate?

Honestly, I'm her first true 'boyfriend', as opposed to a 2 week 'thingermabober'. But, I think you brought up an interesting idea. Her dad (significant male in her life) gets upset real easily.. maybe that has rubbed off and given her the feeling that I'd get upset easily too.

She's mentioned something about subconciously finding problems with great things in her life.. Has anyone ever heard of this?

I know that my g/f used to always say shit like that to me and tell me Id be beter off without her and her problems in my life and all.

I mean it sortof stopped when she was over here (She lives in the US me in Ireland) but these past days some shit has been going on with her again and she is aying this type of thing again. It started with a conversation about me being "The One" for hr and when I said she was "the One" for me she just said she was mean she was too far away and had the weight ogf her child stopping her moving here among other things. Now I know that in her case she has some issues about her appearance and all, she used to model and still could but gave it up for college but she is bulimic and has alot of insecurities and all. I know though that she is the one for me and I have told her and will keep telling her til she realises that the things she is feeling about me I feel for her too.

Id say its just down to your g/f's insecurities and that you need to reassure her that you are not thinking she is mean to you or anything.

It is a confidence issue. Most girls partake in it to get "reaffirmed" as one might say. For example, if she knows she's a very beautiful girl, she might say "oh my i'm so ugly". and of course you're going to object, and therefore reassure her that she IS beautiful. It can become somewhat of an addiction at times. Just let her know that once and for all she's not being mean and that while you appreciate immensely the effort she's making to not be mean, she doesnt need to apoligize/bring it up anymore since you've talked.

quote:Originally posted by Mackofett:

you need to reassure her that you are not thinking she is mean to you or anything.

I'll continue doing so.

quote:Originally posted by Unhinged:

Just let her know that once and for all she's not being mean and that while you appreciate immensely the effort she's making to not be mean, she doesnt need to apoligize/bring it up anymore since you've talked.

Ah, that helps out a lot. I'll tell her that. Thank you

And you hit that, Mack?

Well...whatever floats your boat. Good on ya.