I feel so guilty about it. im pissed a fart at the mo, but ive realised tonight my girlfiend has lost her close friends because i spend so much time with her. we live 100 miles from eachother at least, and i see her every weekend, but this has been an exception because i have a lkot of work to do. im really concernded about her bacause she has bee upset tonighrt about it. i try and apologise but she wont have any of it. shes too nice for her own good. shes the nicest girl ive ever metand she wont/ wont admit that im completely responsible for it. What can I do??!

Cheers,

Lew

I've re-read it and realised i make no sense watsoever. If anyone understands then please give some input. I'll rewrite tomorrow explaining properly

it is not your fault...she is responsible to manage her own life and her own friends.

i still feel responsible. I need more reasaurnce (sp?)

Surprisingly, I understood...

Heres the deal bub, she hangs out with you because she loves you. Thank yourself you have that, few people attain that (especially on these boards). If your sad that she doesn't have any friends then just think WHY she doesn't have any! Its because she would rather be with you than anyone else, and that my friend is a special thing. Don't lament for what she hasn't, rather be glad at what you both have.

When she rings me upset it upsets me though. She loves me and i love her too. i feel so guilty. guilt is the worst emotion.

Meh, I've been there, done the same thing. And I understand how she feels torn; she'd rather spend time with you but regrets losing friends. No one can have it both ways.

When a bunch of female friends are single together, there's often an odd "resentment" toward the girl who finds a guy. It's difficult for a girl in a relationship to maintain friends with single gals, 'cause I've found that the singles won't budge a bit or be flexible about time spent together. They often feel that they're relegated to "spending time when HE'S not around" and that they're being used as "filler" for when the couple can't be together. They might not be wrong, either. No matter how much I try to still "be there" for them, I come up short and a few friends fall by the wayside.

One solution is to make new friends with other females who are in relationships. That way no one feels guilty or has to explain anything. Still, it doesn't bring the good old friends back.

I can understand that girls feel quite strongly about their friends and how much attention they're paid. Quite frankly i think it's pathetic, but then im a bloke. I wish i could be more than what I am to her, and this isn't just to do with this subject.

I apologise for the amount if shit im talking. Wait till the morning.

Well it's morning now, and I have much more clarity. I'm bang in the middle between my girlfriend and her friends and i feel guilty about it. We live a long way from eachother and were both at school/college, so we need to have weekends together. The thing is she needs to have weekends with her friends as well.

Does she blame you?

Are you really responsible? ie. do you force her into spending time with you, instead of friends, via ultimatums/guilt trips etc?

Or does she choose to spend time with you whenever possible because she enjoys spending time with you?

Young-adult relationships tend to preclude time with friends. It's so tricky learning the ropes of an adult relationship that you tend to focus all of your energy on each other. This doesn't mean you should completely abandon your pals for a guy or girl, but your partner should take priority and friends should understand.

When you get older you'll find that your social time with others is usually spent as a pair. You and your partner will go out for dinner and drinks with another pair (or two)of friends. "Her friends" and "His friends" soon become "Our friends" and it gets alot easier.

That's the way it goes when you grow up. It's not bad, it's just the next stage of life.

quote:Originally posted by Lewneedsrs:

I'm bang in the middle between my girlfriend and her friends

*thinks the obvious* Now THAT'S a solution worth considering!!

Why can't you all just hang out sometimes?