Alright, I'm a little against myself doing this (I don't need online advice to pull a girl). Thing is she isn't just some girl, not to me anyways.

The deal is she just got out of a relationship, several years long. I don't want to screw my chance up with her by being too aggressive to early, not aggressive early enough, or someone else moving in before I even get my chance.

So, ladies, what is your opinion on how long or how much space I should give her? Should I make it clear I'm interested but not pursue her strongly, so atleast she knows?

I really don't want to fuck this up...

This isn't exclusive to ladies but the ones who have been in meaningful long relationships can help me more than anyone (hint hint).

Edit: I forgot to add, she isn't in a "I hate men, I'll never talk to one again" attitude, though she is a bit heartbroken.

[This message has been edited by Stryker (edited 02-25-2004).]

You should just hangout with her and be a friend comfert her, a shoulder to cry on kind of thing.Then when you and her are friendly with each other ask her on a date and tell her how you feel.When you are hanging out make it clear that you like her flirt etc. but not to aggresive.

(sorry about spelling)

quote:Originally posted by casperc:

You should just hangout with her and be a friend comfert her, a shoulder to cry on kind of thing.

That has got to be the worst advice I have ever heard. Check that. This is S&A at Totse and some pretty shitty advice gets posted here...but this is still pretty damn bad. It maybe possible in the "winning the lottery is possible" sense to establish a relationship after being the shoulder to cry on...but more than likely you will just insure that never happens.

How soon is too soon? It varies so much I should not even speculate. You need to learn how to read her.

How to do it? Just go after her but take it easy at the same time. Don't try to hit a home run on the first date. You should be confident, assertive, and positive assumptive about starting a relationship...but delay initiating the physical part just a tad. If she leads you can go for it.

Do not be a sounding board for her issues. You can listen some, but change the conversation to positive things if she goes on too much. She has to be with you to be with you...not because she wants to talk about her ex and you are the only one who will listen. And a big no-no is talking negative about the ex. If she does and you want to, make sure you don't go farther or even as far as she does. Feelings change fast and you don't know when you will say something that will upset her.

Easy, I was hoping you'd come thru for me. I have to agree with you about the other guy's advice as well.

I'm already friends with her but not so much to the point I'm stuck in the friend zone or anything like that. See I was thinking similar to you, being up front yet easy going (pun intended ).

All the girls I've got involved with on the rebound have either left their ex or it wasn't anything too serious. Which is exactly the opposite of this. Not to mention I want this to be serious, yet I have to be careful cause some girls tend to want space before getting serious again. Though she seems like she wants be with someone.

Shitty thing is I be leaving for the military soon. That kind of screws me big time. I'll have a few months here and I want to write her. At the same time the route I'm taking doesn't leave anything open to serious relationships and I don't want to make her feel obligated to something she isn't.

I feel like the odds are against me here...

Thanks for the input Easy, I was hoping for some of your infinite wisdom. (Spiffy, Cindy, Psycho... anyone else?)

My current girlfriend got out of a longterm relationship a month or so after i did. So i guess from that respect i can hopefully give you an idea of both sides of the issues.

Originally my plan wasn't to go for the relationship thing but rather to be a big man slut. Yeah well that didn't work out because this girl is amazing but irrespective i think that most people on the "rebound" are looking for affection. Especially after being used to having a companion for so long. My advice would be to just talk to her the same as you have been for a week or so, then start to flirt a little bit and see what her reaction is. Build it up from there, if she is responsive take it a bit faster if not slow it down and work on her some more...that sounds kind of crude but you get the idea.

All in all i'd say there's a fair chance that she's on the prowl, if you will, and it's going to be up to you to begin the hunt before other prospective partners do, and better i might add.

eskimoes