ok, so my gf got on msn and i asked how she was doing. she says bad, i ask what's wrong, she says not telling. i force it out of her...she was raped...what do i say to that? what do i do to help her feel better?

help appreciated...btw hi, i'm new to the boards...Draco

Shit. That is terrible. It's probably a really good thing that you got her to tell you, so she at least got it of her chest to someone.

there really isn't much you can say to make it better. It's just one of those situations where she is going to need someone to lean on. Go and be with her. Give her hugs. Let her cry on your shoulder. I guess its a "duh", but dont try to do anything sexual. Let her start that back up on her own when she is comfortable.

You have two ways of going about it. You can pry, which could ensure that she tells the police and tells them all that she can remember and will hopefully get a rapist of the street. This may really upset her, however, seeing as how she was reluctant to tell you in the first place. She may feel more comfortable to talk to her mother about it. You could suggest that she do so. However, if she seems in hysterics, you may want to wait until she calms down to talk about it.

Or, you can just be with her. Hopefully if she is open, she will talk to you about it on her own. Again, she is really going to need someone to be with her right now, so go there. You dont need to say anything. If you are going to do so, dont just be with her and seem removed, you have to pay attention to her even if she is just crying. If you have ever been in a situation where you have lost a family member etc., you will feel infinatly better just knowing there is someone by your side.

Im really sorry you have to go through this, and i am sorry your girlfriend had to go through it also.

I would be very careful about the amount and type of physical contact you give her. Its possible that even a hug may be too much for her to deal with. Alternatively, she might really want/ need companionship, so you've gotta play it by ear a bit.

thx guys, i appreciate it

Keep a close eye on her, a friend of mine got raped. Not good. She tried to killherself.

Call the cops, though the dropped the shit with my friend, I never trust them again. Maybe they'll help you in this case.

You're going out with her where were you? I'm not trying to attack you, but where did this take place at? A friends house, a party, an alley?

So sorry to hear about this... one thing you don't want to do is tell her how you'll kill the motherfucker that did this when you find him. The revenge factor is not what she needs to hear from you, she needs support. The best way you can show that is to be there for her in every way possible. Rape victims invariably tend to blame themselves... for putting themselves in the situation, for not fighting back, whatever. The hardest emotional part for them to get past is the fact that they didn't do anything wrong.

Be there with whatever support you can offer, know when to back off and give her some space. DO NOT make avenging the perpetrator of this crime more important than helping her deal with getting through this. The bastard that did this should be caught and punished, to be sure, but your role is to be there for her in her time of need.

aloneandbroken had good advice, as usual, this isn't easy to deal with so hopefully we can give you some help and you can count on us here at totse for support as you go through this ordeal. Again, I'm sorry for the both of you having to go through this, it's not fair, it's not right, but if you need a place to vent or a shoulder to lean on you'll get some helpful responses here from those of us that care...

-Extant

well, it happened at her house for 1.

and her brother already caught up with and killed the guy who did it...with his bare hands...so revenge factor...not an issue

quote:Originally posted by DraconicFears:

and her brother already caught up with and killed the guy who did it...with his bare hands...so revenge factor...not an issue

You're joking right? There's more stress to your gf's life, her bro's going to prison for life.

~es

not joking..but iono how the hell he's not in jail now...it's like he's immortal or uncatchable or something...but seriously, no joke

I totally did not even think of what extant brought up about not being to blame. But He is totally utterly right. I uber second him.

Do not call the police. Her brother has really fucked things up for this girl if he has really killed someone with his bare hands. She can decide later on reporting the crime, but chances are she will not. An investigation will lead to finding the rapist, find out that he is dead, and catching the killer of the rapist. Even if he killed a rapist, he killed. I dont know if you have ever watched forensic files etc. but he is not invincible and most likely will get caught, especially since he told folks. (Btw...since you know, if he gets caught and they find out you knew, you and who ever else knew are getting done for aiding and abetting in at least 2nd degree murder).

Hope your girlfriend is starting to feel a little more calmed down. Does she know that her brother murdered the rapist?

yea, she told me he did...

How old are you? 14? 15? I'm really sure he killed the guy and is getting away with it...

It wasent me my girlfriend family or any of my friends so i dont give a shit!