So, pretty much sex doesn't seem that difficult for a chick but I was just wondering what exactly should I be doing while having sex? To make it better, or not fuck it up or you know, just the general rules of the trade.

Poke your eyes out and barf all over your partner.

what you should be doing? oh the jokes i could make with this one...

seriously, i have NO idea. do you mean like, moaning and stuff or the actual physics of it, like getting on top or positions?

scream put your ex's name during intercourse with your partner just as your both coming to climax - he'll really love that.

Alternativly your partners best mate/brother etc. name will suffice.

Just have fun with it. If you and your man are both virgins you will probably both as clueless. Do what ever feels good for the both of you. It will be a good time. If your man is experienced let him be in charge. He'll tell you what to do and how to do it.

But don't take my word, I'm still a virgin.

Well, don't lie there like a corpse (unless specifically asked to do so), don't chatter inanely, don't chew gum, don't eat food, don't watch TV, don't do your nails and don't talk on the phone.

As far as what you do, do whatever feels right/comfortable. Touch with your hands, let your body respond to his movements, kiss, talk dirty if you're inclined. These things are best figured out on one's own while it happens.

How does one talk dirty?

quote:Originally posted by Snoopy:

How does one talk dirty?

Cram a handful or two of dirt in your mouth.

MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT INCREDIBLY TIGHT!!! I hate that shit... when it's impossible to get your dick in there. Fuckin' sucks, ruin's the mood.

quote:Originally posted by Snoopy:

How does one talk dirty?



I'd explain, but I used to have a phone-sex job so I'm kinda burned out on it. Call me sometime and I'll give it a go. 'Tis the least I can do for all your hard work.

If you want to enjoy it then do what the hell you want.

Scratch, bite, moan, groan, scream, what the fuck ever...Just don't lay there like you have been dead for weeks!

If you're on the bottom, bite his neck until it bleeds and scratch his back. If you're on top, gyrate your hips and punch him. No girly pussy slaps, closed-fist punches in the eyes and temple and jaw. Avoid the nose and mouth. Or wrap your belt around his neck and joke.

Obviously, it takes differant strokes for differant folks. Try talking sex with him before you do it, so you get an idea of what turns him on.

By joke i meant choke, for those stupid enough to be confused.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Well, don't lie there like a corpse (unless specifically asked to do so), don't chatter inanely, don't chew gum, don't eat food, don't watch TV, don't do your nails and don't talk on the phone.



There's some guys who probably wouldn't mind including a bit of TV and some food with sex. Haven't you ever seen that one Seinfeld episode?

How old old are you, McSeconds?

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:



I'd explain, but I used to have a phone-sex job so I'm kinda burned out on it. Call me sometime and I'll give it a go. 'Tis the least I can do for all your hard work.

this explains so much. i always had a hunch you were an ugly fat bitch, now its confirmed. hahaha phone sex chicks...

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

this explains so much. i always had a hunch you were an ugly fat bitch, now its confirmed. hahaha phone sex chicks...

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

That was my first notion when I heard she used to work as a phone sex chick but apparently the stereotype of phone sex chicks being fat and ugly isn't always true.

quote:Originally posted by a123x:

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

That was my first notion when I heard she used to work as a phone sex chick but apparently the stereotype of phone sex chicks being fat and ugly isn't always true.

there isnt much, outside of physics, that is always true. but patterns and trends do exsist. perhaps cindy is famous. there was some phone sex bitch in florida that wanted workers comp for carpal tunnel she claims she got from masturbating all day long. she was huge...

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

there isnt much, outside of physics, that is always true. but patterns and trends do exsist. perhaps cindy is famous. there was some phone sex bitch in florida that wanted workers comp for carpal tunnel she claims she got from masturbating all day long. she was huge...

No, in Cindy's case, the pattern is very far from true, trust Father Wuterich in that fact.

quote:Originally posted by Guswut:

No, in Cindy's case, the pattern is very far from true, trust Father Wuterich in that fact.



well if her little lap dog says it, it must be true. so far all evidence points to fat bitch. perhaps there will be a break in the case, who knows.

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

well if her little lap dog says it, it must be true. so far all evidence points to fat bitch. perhaps there will be a break in the case, who knows.

Sure, just keep speaking and pretending you are making coherent sentences, we'll all just nod and wait for you to wander off when your medicine wears off (oh, and I'm only Snoopy's lap dog, and that is only when the thirty-eight other ones aren't there).

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

this explains so much. i always had a hunch you were an ugly fat bitch, now its confirmed. hahaha phone sex chicks...

I always had a hunch you were a dipshit who can't manage to type a grammatically correct sentence and who believes everything he struggles to read on an internet forum. And I was right!

I'll also assume you're a fat, ugly bitch unless you prove otherwise. And since this is the internet, you can't prove it. If you post a pic, it could be a pic of anybody.



[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 02-20-2004).]

do whatever feels good to you, moving in synch with his body helps too, kinda like when people freak dance or whatever, but still, it's all up to you what you want to do, you can start yelling random stuff too if you really want, just don't pinch too hard with your thighs, you do need room for him to move

I'd be cindy's slave, no matter what she looks like. And I get girls so hot it would make your eyes burn.

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

this explains so much. i always had a hunch you were an ugly fat bitch, now its confirmed. hahaha phone sex chicks...

This reminds me of a Beavis and Butthead episode I once saw. The two guys were sitting watching their t.v.(whats new?) and they saw a commercial for phone sex. They called and a fat trailer trash "bitch" picked up. They must have thought she was hot or something cuz she had one sexy voice... they told her to put the phone under her ass... lol butt lint sounds funny... cindy, I wouldn't mind talking to you, even if you were fat and ugly. But you would have to have a sexy voice....