Ok, I never thought I'd actually come here for advice, because I'm usually good at dealing with my own shit, but this is driving me nuts, so here goes.

I've liked the same guy since about mid september. Recently, we've hooked up a few times at some parties, and I found that he likes me, or liked, I don't know anymore. But I'm pretty sure he still does, because everytime we're around eachother, there's that... thing, ya know? I don't know how to explain it, but I'm pretty sure almost everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Now, the problem is, I don't think that he's going to ask me out, but if I made the first move, I'm sure he'd go with it. Thing is, I'm not really outgoing when it comes to stuff like this, and I keep psyching myself up for it, then I go all mental at the last minute, and don't do anything. I don't really know what I'm asking here. Advice on how I could convince myself just to go for it, I guess. And subtle hinting for him to ask me out isn't really working either.

Anyway, after reading all that, if anyone's got anything helpful to contribute, I'd love to hear it.

Reminds me of Spiffys thread. You'd really be surprised how much us guys would appreciate the female taking a little more pro-active approach. We don't have a crystal ball, we're in the same damn position you are in.. wondering, "If I say something will she turn me down?" You get the point.

Start a revolution , tell him yu're hot for him... maybe more of you will start coming on to us guys with no clue. Think about it... with this, Guswut could eventually get laid!!!

-Extant

A guy's advice. I'm not saying I'm a master on relationships, but theses are my feelings on the matter.

1 - Guys wish that women would just come out and say what they want -> "Hey, I like you. Let's go out." Yeah it's not very subtle.

2 - Hints don't work. Most men are too dense/blind to pick up on them. I know I am.

Just ask him.

quote:Originally posted by Extant:

... with this, Guswut could eventually get laid!!!

-Extant



You had to go too far didn't you.

Just say it. Think about it real hard and then force yourself to blurt it out. You'll feel much better after you say it.

Consider whether there might be factors that make "dating" problematic for him. Does he drive? If he doesn't, he could be dreading the transportation situation. Does he have a job? If not, he could be dreading coming off as a cheap bastard. Is there much to do in your area? If not, he could be at a loss as to what to do if you go out.

These are just things I've noticed that the males in this forum seem to be anxious about.

If you can rule all that out AND have some ideas for a "date" then blunder ahead!

I still don't know the current etiquette though...guys, if the girl asks, is she expected to pay?

Thanks for the help so far guys. Cindy, none of the stuff you mentioned would really be a problem, so that's not it. I guess I'm just gonna go for it next time an opportunity arises. Yes. I will. I will dammit.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

I still don't know the current etiquette though...guys, if the girl asks, is she expected to pay?

That depends, I guess. My assumption is if the guys ask, he offers to pay. If she asks, they each pay for themselves.

quote:Originally posted by panic is poison:



You had to go too far didn't you.

Yeah, me, get laid, hahahah.

Response to deadlycindy; I'm not sure if there is an established etiquette for that, BUT, if a girl I was interested in asked me out.. I wouldn't be worried about it, I'd be too enthralled with the fact that a girl asked me out, and I'd expect to pay for the date.. if she pitched in, cool too... play it by ear kinda thing but the main thing is having a good time.

Guswut; You know I'm just playing with ya buddy.., at your expense of course... lol

-Extant

Guswut man, you know the day WILL come right? Someone's gonna love you for exactly who you are, and it'll be super, and I will be excited.

Well this post seems exactly like this situation between myself and a girl. Basically we'll hang out once every two three weeks which i personally find too long. I seriously cant wait each day just to talk to her or possibly see her. Now i feel that same "undescribable" feeling when i'm with her as you described. And no, im not very outgoing in these situations, i'm realy shy when it comes to girls. Well really only the ones i truly care for. But i just don't know what to do. We'll have plans to hang out or go out one night, and well it always comes down to she has to do something else. I'm seriously thinking about giving up on her, but i've never really connected, or at least though i've connected with a girl like this before. The thing is too i met her through one of my good friends and my friend who is best friends with her keeps telling me to try to hang out with her cuz apparently she likes me. But it feels so frieken elementary, we talk about doing stuff and then it never works out. Well this post has actually turned out to be more of a rant, and no i didn't give you any advice into your situation at all, as I am clearly a novice in this area. I also am asking for insight into my similiar predicament.

Kinger, been there, with a different guy though. We always made plans to hang out, never worked out. I liked him A LOT, but something always came up. Eventually it just faded away, we both went out with other people, but I've always regretted not trying harder to make it work out. I actually saw him a while ago, and by now the feelings are pretty much gone, and I had the chance to hook up with him and possibly make it happen after sooo long... but I didn't go after it.

My advice to you is to go for it. Try as hard as you can to make it work, if you really think it's worth the effort. Otherwise, you're going to regret it for a long, long time.

Ok, I'm back for more. I was all ready to go talk to him and everything today, but I didn't see him all morning, then I later found out he went back to his house with this uber-slut. I don't know if anything happened, but I'm pretty sure it did. So should I just give up now?

quote:Originally posted by guernica:

Ok, I'm back for more. I was all ready to go talk to him and everything today, but I didn't see him all morning, then I later found out he went back to his house with this uber-slut. I don't know if anything happened, but I'm pretty sure it did. So should I just give up now?

good, thats what you get for being a pussy about it. of course guys like being asked out, takes the hassle out of our hands. also as far as the paying thing goes, all girls should pay for their own shit at all times. some guys enjoy paying for sex, but many of us, myself included, do not.

He went home with another girl, huh? Well, he is not your BF yet, so that is okay. If you want a 100% guarantee that he will say yes, then forget it. My advice would be to go out and try to collect 20 phone numbers from strange men in public that you approach. That experience should cure you. If you get rejected at some point, it is because they have personal issues that have nothing to do with you. Just keep that mindset and you should be fine.

When you do approach him, be confident, energetic, and positive assumptive. Just know he will say yes and act as if asking him is just a formality. If he is on the fence, which he probably is, you can sway him.

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

If you get rejected at some point, it is because they have personal issues that have nothing to do with you. Just keep that mindset and you should be fine.

dont encourage her to be delusional, there are enough women like that. sure, sometimes you get shot down because the person is a tard, sometimes you get shot down because you just arent what they are looking for. people have different tastes, no big deal. this mindset might work as a nice crutch to stop a super pussy from being afraid, but its going to lead to problems if you actual learn to buy into it.

quote:Originally posted by guernica:

So should I just give up now?

Just think of your fear of getting rejected, maybe he has the same? It´s your life, live it.

Yesterday I´ve met a girl from my school, haven´t seen her for a long time. She was a very pretty girl, and she dated more than 50 boys of my school, but never me. She always told me she has no problems to get the guys she wants. Now she´s married to an unemployed always drunken sickhead, has 2 children and a fat ass. She told me, that if only I had asked her out once, her life had made a different, better way. Then she said:

"I loved you"

"I still do"

"You love me?"

"No, I still love myself, I´m not responsible for your sucking life."

This doesn´t fit with your situation, but I hope you get the point.

Hmm, thanks guys. Super helpful, yet again. Still don't know what I'm going to do, but there's a basis now. I don't talk to any of my friends about this stuff, so it's usually just my own conclusions that I'm using, which for the most part is a good thing, but sometimes a little outside opinion is good.

BSK: yeah, I got the point. That sucks a lot.

From your posts you seem a fairly solid & valuable goil. What ever happened to the girl

technique of just sort of standing near? Eye

contact, really paying attention when the guy

talks. Flirting with him, at the drop of a hat, remembering things about him & the things he has said.

I remember reading this Mexican novel about this young couple. He'd had sex before, but he was her first. He loved her but could not

marry her, because she was not a virgin.

Even though, he was her only. The point being, guys might say (might really want a girl to be forward) they want this or that. They are people (like women) who say many things, but what they really think may be weird.

Do you stand too close? Turn your girl eyes &

attention fully on him,(but not scorchingly; you don't have that kind of relationship yet) if you're a girl to him, he should notice.

Be cool, Hot Mama, girls have all sorts of subtle techniques. Which ones are suitable for you to use?

Also, friends of the opposite sex are cool. You can't really go back the same after

intensity.

Have you ever worn a low cut top (that you are comfortable with) & let him "accidently"

peek down it, a little? Some girls practice girl "stuff" a home by themselves or with a

girl friend, before they spring it on a guy.

Who are you?

Moon, I do all of that, but it's not working!!! He's completely oblivious to my amazing polish charm!!! There have been a few times where he got the point, but those were the times where I was actually like "ok, empty room, me and you, let's go." And I don't want to do that anymore. Well, I do, but in a relationship way, not a random hookup way, you know?

Well, me, as a person who is not entirely sure he actually exists, I prefer girls who aren't particularly interested in me. A girl

who hits on/pays attention to me, makes reality to real & thet is way too dangerous.

There may well be guys who you see/pass by everyday, who think you're a real girl. But, you hardly know they exist. You maybe some guys wetdream, but you haven't

noticed.

Though, if you keep on after a guy who maybe wants someone else? Have you reviewed the things he has said? Maybe there are clues to what he really feels. Have you assigned true values to his words & actions?

Don't forget; Nature has got you all drugged up on hormones, as part of Her Evil Plan to make more sweet little guerls. How well does he value himself?

Me, I could only date a girl I respect.

Of course, I can't very well respect a girl, who would date a guy like me.

hahaha livia has emotional problems! *points and laughs hysterically*

Emotional problems can be even funnier than physical problems.

Guernica's really hot.

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

Guernica's really hot.

lol, she's polish.

(I know her outside of totse.)

guernica, i dont know how you get yourself into these situations... SO OFTEN! oh well, you know what i would do?

yea i dont either, but if you can psych yourself up enough, just go for it. one day, just spontaniously blurt it out. and if it doesnt work out, you might be pretty sad, and mad, and definately not glad for a while. but then at least you can move on, right? yeeeeep, love sucks.

Heh... people actually saw this, ok, I feel like a dumbass, but w/e man. Alex, you're a dumbass. Moon... you TOTALLY lost me, and Infra... that was useful. Lanibis... the pills are getting the better of me again... :S Meh. My hair looks cool.