Okay, here's the situation... There's this girl I like a lot. We started out as friends with benefits, and at first I was thinking that I like her a lot as a friend, but would prefer the friends with benefits thing to an actual relationship, which she made clear was her preference as well. However, I realized that I liked her more than that, and that I do have some emotional attachment to her beyond simply being friends.

So we were talking yesterday and she told me she wants to be just friends with me... Which I wasn't terribly happy with... But here's the thing... Her idea of a friend and mine are somewhat different. Realistically the only difference between what she wants and what we had is less frequent "action," which while nice wasn't the main thing I enjoyed about our relationship with her. We'd still probably cuddle and sleep together and even kiss, and all that is stuff that I at least don't associate with being just friends with someone, but she does, and that's all the stuff that I really liked.

So realistically, I'm still in a good situation, but it feels like there's something wrong since she considers me as just a friend and treats me as she treats a friend, whereas I consider her something more and treat her as... something more, y'know?

I don't know why. When I think about it logically it seems stupid to be worried about it, and I can't even figure out what I'm worried about, but since when has the heart heeded logic? Am I totally out of line here? Should I just enjoy it and not worry so much about the semantics of the arrangement? Or do you think that there's a legitimate issue?

I could use any advice or insight anyone might be able to give me. Thanks in advance.

I've seen the "friends with benefits" situation on many occasions. The only advice I can really give is: Don't obsess over it. If she's willing to go deeper, she'll go to you. If not, be happy that you're still friends with her.

But that's just what I think.

Edit: Spelling correction

[This message has been edited by Amanecer (edited 02-13-2004).]

My "litmus test" for such things is this: Would you allow yourself to get involved with another girl, and call her your girlfriend, and cut out the sex suddenly with your present FWB? Do you think she would suddenly say, "I have a bf now, we can't have sex or do anything intimate anymore." If you feel like it, ask her.

Maybe she's wary of giving you an official title, so your different "approaches" in the friendship/relationship are just a matter of semantics.

Actually, that's sort of how I came to that realization... I was talking with another female friend who in the past I've expressed interest in about possibly hooking up with her, and I realized that I'm not so sure I'd be willing to give up my FWB to be with this other chick as an actual couple.