Alright, I am going to tell you something that has been happening for the past 3 months, since Christmas. Ok, from Christmas to late January, I was going out with a guy and he was nice and great at first. But as the relationship went on, he stopped calling me, didn't wanna go anywhere when I asked him over the phone, and when ever I did call he was always playing video games. That made me mad because shouldn't I come first before the video games? I mean, if he truely did care about me like he said he did then he would put me first. I don't want to sound selfish or anything. Ok, then one day I had all the stress from the relationship in me and he asked me to tell him what was wrong and I did. When I was finished, he just said "well, I think we should just break up because this isn't going anywhere." I mean, wtf is that? Seriously, that is the typical male response. If they don't know how to fix something they just say "Fuck it" and forget it. They don't try to make anything better.

Ok, then, about 2 weeks later, a guy that has been my friend for a very long time asked me out at a dance and I already had feelings for him. He was friends with the guy that I explained earlier, and he told me that he wouldn't hurt my feelings like the other guy did, and he would try his best to call me everyday. The problem is, as some of you already know if you have read my other posts, I am a very shy quiet type person. This best friend, now boy friend, is very affectionate, has to hold your hand all the time, hug you, kiss you, etc etc. And thats ok to some extent, but I was starting to get really uncomfortable. So, NOW today (yes we are done suming up the 3 months of info) I was having a bad day from the start and he started trying to hold me and stuff and I kinda dealt with it but he could tell I was uncomfortable because he was asking me all these questions. He also hasn't called me but 2 times during the two weeks that we were going out so he broke his promise. Also, he wasnt calling me, but calling one of my friends every night that is like his best friend (a girl). Wouldn't I come first yet again? We were supposed to do something on Saturday for Valentine's Day like go to the movies or something. Then later today, he calls me saying that we should break up because it feels weird or something, he didn't really make it clear. Then I asked him why he broke all his promises to me and about why he called Ashely (best friend) everyday instead of calling me and he said "Nothing that I say now will help so...."

Now, the two situations are exactly alike. Is it something I am doing wrong? Or is it their immaturity? Do you think Ashely (best friend) told my bf something that wasn't true or put thoughts into his head? They do talk alot. Also, when I was going out with the first person I mentioned, she started liking him, and then the same with the second one. Right there proves to me that she was up to something. Whats going on? Please help me.

*Thank you for letting me get take your time up. I am so confused*

I think you may be expecting a bit too much for such a short relationship. First of all, he should want to call you. He should not feel obligated to call you because he promised. Second, you need to build up the level of commitment together. You cannot just set it at the start. And third, never carry issues from one relationship to the next. It is not fair, and even though they may act like it is no big deal when they are "hungry", once they are comfortable they will resent you for it.

i'll tell you what,

uh..... you are doing nothing wrong. i'm going out on a limb here since i don't know these people or anything but they are probably incredibly immature and stupid and stuff.

"ashely", you're supposed "best friend" is not what she appears to be. she is probably using you as a connection to people. these people being your friends and also YOUR BOYFRIENDS!

you probably should sever all ties you have with "ashely" because she is not a friend.

you went looking for trouble, and boy, did you find her.

there's probably someone who you have known much longer who is a real friend who would be happy to replace her and all your other supposed "friends"

don't worry about taking my time up!

time is a linear concept i'm not very fond of.

i'm confused too.

How true, Easy. Making a guy feel like it's his job to be your boyfriend will make him shy away. Just take it nice and slow, and you'll be fine.

Boys are idiots. Don't expect them to be everything you want them to be, because they will always disappoint you. Even the "best friends." Just take whatever relationship you're in at face value, no more, no less.

I also believe you're rather confused. You want him to call you everyday, yet you don't want to be... "intimate" I guess, with him. Don't be doing that. Show interest in the relationship. NOT desperation, interest. There's a difference. At the same time, don't be too distant. All the "rules of dating" are quite easy to abide by, if you just follow one simple thing: BE YOURSELF.

Don't try to become what you think a guy wants, and don't try to change him into what you want.

Oh yeah, your "best friend" is a bitch. She said some stuff. Guys don't go and change their mind about something that fast unless an idea gets put into their head. Kick her ass.

Edit: Hmmm, this kinda veered off track into me bitching at myself, but not really myself, but myself none-the-less. Oh well. It's not getting changed.



[This message has been edited by guernica (edited 02-12-2004).]

if you let them take turns sticking their genitals into your own, they might be more friendly towards you!

quote:Originally posted by yo-mybuddy:

if you let them take turns sticking their genitals into your own, they might be more friendly towards you!

And maybe if you made decent posts, I wouldn't have to say "STFU" now would I?

quote:Originally posted by yo-mybuddy:

if you let them take turns sticking their genitals into your own, they might be more friendly towards you!

that was completely uncalled for, you insensitive fool. rot in time.

It's not desperation, I just thought it would be better then any of the other relationships I have been in seeing that hes one of my close friends and he knows me well. And, yea I think my best friend did/said something that made him change his mind.

Yo-mybuddy, you need to learn to get your head straight.... no not the head at the bottom half of your body. Start thinking with your brain instead of your dick. It will help you later on in life. Sex isn't everything. There's alot more to a relationship then sex.

I am still really confused about all of this.

I think Impiety's advice to stay away from this Ashely person is a good one. She doesn't seem like a very cool person, talking smack about you to your bf's behind your back. Maybe it's best to just get away from this group of friends for a while.

This is pretty bad. I have seen things like this before, and it can hurt in horrible ways. I too suspect this so called "Best friend" of yours,Ashely, is screwing around with your relationships. I have had this happen to a few of my friends, and possibly myself (unconfirmed).

I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

In the past (before these recent inncidents) , have you ever gone with a guy and, had Ashely told you things like how "you shouldn't be with him" or he's stupid, ect. Kind of stuff? The stuff to make you want to leave him?

[This message has been edited by Rat_Bastard (edited 02-12-2004).]

you are a selfish, relationship addict. thats your problem right there. you expect them to do X for you but you dont really give a fuck about what they want. also, you cant seem to let things progress naturally. you want some serious relationship and you want it right now.

it's good that she knows what she wants. and i don't think it's wrong for her to want just for her stupid "friend" "ashely" to stop sticking her fucking nose in other people's god damn business where it doesn't fucking belong.

and.....oh.. i don't know... this "ashely" is probably all jealous of ballerina's eyelashes or something like that which women kill for.

I am not trying to be controlling but thats probably the way it came out seeing as I typed this right after he called me to break up with me and when I was really mad. I am not expecting all these things, but shouldnt they come naturally in a relationship? And when he promised me he would do all these things, shouldn't he keep his word? And today, I have officially found out that he WAS calling Ashley every single day. I don't know... she has told me that she is jealous of me many times... "god you are so tiny, you can fit into anything. I wish I had your body" and ya know, it gets annoying after a while. I don't want people to do that. But at the same time, it makes me wonder if that has something to do with it?

Please help.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

I am not expecting all these things, but shouldnt they come naturally in a relationship?

you should keep reading that until you get it. you DO expect these things from your forced relationship. you dont seem to think you are expected to give these guys what they want, which is to fuck you. it shouldnt be shocking that they arent exactly thrilled to be with you. all the headache, hassle and emotional bullshit of a woman, but none of the fun wet parts riding the cock.

so if you ask me, this is a simple case. you are a demanding, immature girl who thinks she absolutely needs a relationship. you want a guy to make his entire life all about you but do not intend on giving him any action. the guys go for it because they figure they can put up with your bad personality long enough to get rough on that tight little body. its not that they dont want to talk to anyone, they just dont want to talk to you.

Fuck off mrman383. If thats all a guy wants then it's not worth it. You need to get your head straight just like the other asshole in the post - no NOT THE HEAD at the bottom half of your body. This guy has been my best friend for a long time. I don't know what to do. I am not controlling... he promised me these things, therefore he needs to commit. I didn't promise him sex.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

I am not controlling... he promised me these things, therefore he needs to commit.

heh, believe what you want then.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

Sex isn't everything. There's alot more to a relationship then sex.



quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

I didn't promise him sex.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

I am not expecting all these things, but shouldnt they come naturally in a relationship?

you need to relax a lot more and not try to guide a relationship in a direction just let it evolve naturally.

dont place guys in the situation where they feel they have to do something or you'll get upset, or that they have to promise to do something or you'll get upset - that is too controlling and manipulative. (i'm not saying you're should never get upset just be careful you're not using it as a tool to get what you want.)

also try managing a relationship by focusing on what the other person wants rather than what you want or what ideal you want your relationship to fit to.

as for ashely...well you cant really tell in your posts. confront her if you like but your friendship probably isnt very deep if you're getting so suspicious over her over a couple of guys.

try reading Leil Lowndes "how to make anyone fall in love with you". it has some good stuff on how to treat other people and isnt as desperate/manipulative as the title makes out

I think some people take obviously not serious relationships too far. You have the rest of your life to worry about these kind of relationships, sure it seems like it is really upsetting now but take the guys motto for once. Fuck it, he wasn't worth your time, or anything from you for that matter. Show him you can do just fine without him.

[Edit] Oh, and fuck Ashley as well. I have met too many women like this and if she was really your friend she would have considered how you felt and said something to your ex about that shit. Fuck her.

[This message has been edited by JesusTookMyBike123 (edited 02-12-2004).]

Good stuff Jesus.

I mean there are seriously sick people out there who claim friendship, but who just have cruel intentions to use, and screw around with you. I know it's hard to accept, and Face up to her. But it's better than letting her take advantage of you.

Strange thing though, a while back I saw something exactly like this happen, and the person was also named ashley. Strange coincidence eh?

Thank you. I talked to her on the phone about it and she said "I can't help liking who you like and date. They are all so sweet and cool. blah blah blah" I am in a 10ft hole right now and I can't dig myself out of it. I know highschool relationships aren't serious or anything, some of them maybe for some people that want to get married at age 16, 17, 18. I just wanted to know if anyone could figure out what the two guys problems were or ashleys problem or MY problem. I have moved on which is a good thing. But, keep posting, it helps me.

Thanks to everyone that has replied. It's helps me alot.

You're imature, they're imature. Quit butting heads with these guys like a jackass. It baffles me how guys that are complete dimwitted bastards get girls to flock to them. It really makes me feel sorry for the girl. You seem to be one of those girls that is attracted to morons that just want to get laid.

Unfortunetly, you expect these guys to show a long term commitment, in a short period of time. If you ar expecting a fufilling relationship, think outside the box. Your box.

And your friend Ashley is a bitch. Don't even bother. Just toss her. Not worth your time.