Okay, some (and by some I mean most) of this post will be me being insecure, but I do need advice as well.

So I have a boyfriend in Scotland right? He's coming to live with me in the summer, and although I'm super excited, I'm also scared. Because I've never lived with a guy before, so I don't know how it'll change things.

I'm afraid that once he sees what I'm "really like" he'll find me less attractive. I mean, I've always been myself around him but I don't know if he'll enjoy waking up to my greasiness every morning and all that. He's seen me all greasy like, and I suppose it's cute every once in a while, but not all the time. And it'd be too exhausting so keep myself put together 24/7.

But no, I know he loves me so that wont matter, right? So basically I'm just looking for advice on living with your partner.

Also, I'm scared to introduce him to my friends. Because he'll be 20 when he gets here and my best friends are two 16 year old gay guys and two 17 year old girls. So not his usual crowd. I'm not ashamed of my friends by a long shot, I love them, I'm just afraid he'll think I'm immature. He knows I'm crazy and he loves it, but I think it might be overwhelming for him to be around 5 crazy people, you know? Cause we do really stupid, dorky stuff. Like in the summer, we have camp fires in my friends back yard and jump on his tramp as stuff, whereas my boyfriend is used to going out clubbing.

So what do you guys think? Have you ever been in a situation like this? How did it work out?

You will have to let him see you “greasy”, but don’t let that become 24/7. Make yourself up now and then. Show an effort to make yourself attractive for him every once in a while. A couple times a month should be enough, but a couple times a week would be even better. Millions of guys have lost interest in a woman who “lets herself go”, and that is more than just gaining weight. If you do make that effort, it will be more than enough if he really loves you.

As for the age gap thing, he is too old for you. Not that you should not be with him, but you have to come to terms with the fact that it will be an issue you have to deal with. Don’t come down too hard on friends and family that don’t approve. 9/10 times they will be right. Just listen to what they have to say, change the subject, and respond by having a successful relationship.

Try to get over the appearance issue. It's impossible to keep up a charade for long. Just let it all hang out. As long as you look presentable or better at least a few hours a day, guys hardly notice the "greasiness" first thing in the morning. He's going to be in the same boat, "morning breath" and all.

I assume you live with your parents. Will he be sleeping in your room? If not, the whole appearance thing might not even be an issue.

Space is crucial. I can't stress this enough. Even though he is there to visit with you for the summer, there will be times you need to be apart doing your own thing. Figure out ways of doing this.

Your friends are who they are. Your bf will get to know them, and if he likes you, he should be able to see something worthwhile in your friends. You needn't include them in everything, but he should be aware that they will be around. And you might want to figure a way to spend time with your friends without your bf around. Are there opportunities for "clubbing" in your area, at your age? In the USA you need to be 21 at most worthwhile clubs. So he might have to adapt to a different type of recreation.

I live with my bf now, but the situation is quite different, since we're older, no parents, and this will likely be permanent. But we moved in together rather quickly, and are lucky to compatible in issues such as space and finances.

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 02-10-2004).]

Easy Going just wrote half of what I was thinking, but I would like to add that even though you might be with your friends there will also be times for just the pair of you that you will relish.

Whats the stop your friends going clubbing with you? Sorry I don't know the drinking age for you locally...

Thanks, guys.

I'm just being overly insecure I think. I guess no one look put together 100% of the time, so why would he expect that of me?

As for the age gap, I don't think it's big enough to be an issue. I think the issue is more that he's "cooler" than me. But that's just me being insecure again. He says he's excited to meet my friends because they sound like a good bunch, and he wouldn't say that for no reason.

So let's all forget about my insecurities and just focus on advice for living with your boy/girlfriend and how you made it work. Cheers.

Edit - I'm 17, and the drinking age here is 18. I could go out in Scotland cause they generally didn't ID, but they're psycho about it here. You can't even sit in a pub with a coke without an ID.

[This message has been edited by Sick_Boy (edited 02-10-2004).]

Don’t worry about first thing in the morning appearances. No one ever cares about that. I personally love the way my girlfriend looks when she’s just out of bed with the no make-up and the hair all ravaged in a pony tail. I think she looks beautiful like that. Ahh…..

As for the conflict in activities, I wouldn’t worry too much about that either. Sounds a lot like my situation, my girlfriend likes to go to clubs, and I like to do what you do. Sort of…well, I set cars on fire and jump off bridges, close enough. But every once in a while, I’ll take her down town to my hang outs, and she’ll drag my ass to a club. The variations are nice. And then there is always mutual activates for just the two of you. Like going to the drive-in, shopping, or laying in bed and watching movies and eating junk food all day.

As for living together, make sure he feels comfortable sating somewhere else, it’s hard enough for me to sleep as is, but I feel very awkward listening to someone else sleep in the next room. And just try to be mindful of any habits you have and don’t infringe on any rituals or routines he has. Compromise whenever possible.

-Nocuous

Guys like the "greasyness" every once in a while just keep it under wraps

Hopefully my advice will help because I just went through this earlier this year.

I 'dated' my partner for one year before I moved in with him (though we had known each other for years) It was long distance as well, me in the USA and he in NZ. I was the one who moved. He had already come to the USA for a month-long visit with me, and we stayed together as we traveled around California. We thought there would be no problem living together, boy were we wrong. Both of us were completely unprepared for the strain of living together, it ruined our relationship.

Everything is riding on this, you should be concerned. What you don't need to worry about though is him seeing you at your worst. That's just a part of being with someone, he'll be more concerned of what you think of his worst. You'll learn to laugh at each other's disgusting defects and humanity.

He'll essentially be giving up his life as he knows it when he moves in with you. He'll probably be prepared for this though, so it's your style that's most likely to be cramped. He's moving into your territory, your life, your social sphere, so you'll need to do your best to open up everything to him so that he feels at home, but in doing that remember you are giving up your space, your lifestyle, etc. You're doing this because you love him, remember that. Don't allow yourself to start resenting him. Be ready to make huge adjustments and sacrifices.

RESPECT!! RESPECT!! RESPECT!! I cannot stress how important this is, you both MUST respect each other. Not just lovey dovey respect, but the kind of respect you would give a complete stranger coming to stay as a guest in your home.

During the first month try to communicate a lot as you both need to discover each other's boundaries regarding shared space and personal habits. If something is getting to you do a LOT of thinking about it before you approach it. Consider all sides, and consider what you would do in a situation where you were NOT living together. Spur of the moment griping has serious consequences, so choose your battles wisely. Learn to tell the difference between what is HIS fault, and what is a product of the situation.

Be especially tollerant and flexible, take things very slowly in the first month. I'm not suggesting that in order to live with someone you have to learn to take it up the ass, but the first month is particularly vital to the future of the relationship so you just have to approach it with a bit more deference.

Good luck!

I've never lived with anyone, so maybe my advice is meaningless.

I did spend several nights in a row with my girlfriend. During that time I realized a couple of things. She has horrible bed head. She snores. She doesn't cuddle in her sleep. She is the sloppiest eater I have ever seen over the age of 5.

Of all those things only one actualy bothered me, the cuddling issure. And even that wasn't too bad, after all she wasn't accustomed to sharing a bed with someone.

The point is, I loved her, and all the flaws in the world couldn't change that.

Prometheus just nailed it better than all of you (no offense, seriously, but that's my personal opinion).

wait so you're 17, so you still live with your parents and they have no problem with this?

quote:Originally posted by Todesgehen:

wait so you're 17, so you still live with your parents and they have no problem with this?

Not really no. My mom says she doesn't want us to have sex but it's not like she can stop us, lol.

He's going to get his own place after he finds a job and then I'm just going to move in with him.

god damn thats weird...my mom wouldnt even consider that lol. she has no problem with me having sex but the idea of a girl living with me sends her through the roof. im also 17 but maybe its different in the states than it is in england...

Sick boy! It's been a while... I thought you were never gonna come back.

How long have you guys been going out? That's a pretty important factor to consider.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

Not really no. My mom says she doesn't want us to have sex but it's not like she can stop us, lol.

He's going to get his own place after he finds a job and then I'm just going to move in with him.

Hey sick boy. nice to see you back here again.

And i'm not being horrible but from what i'v heard and seen of you, you deserve someone better than him! i mean he hasnt even got a job. So if it dosent work out just give us a text, as I no how to treat a woman right.

quote:Originally posted by Smile:

Hey sick boy. nice to see you back here again.

And i'm not being horrible but from what i'v heard and seen of you, you deserve someone better than him! i mean he hasnt even got a job. So if it dosent work out just give us a text, as I no how to treat a woman right.

now I think about it I think I'll take that comment back.

Woah...Your mate has his very own tramp?!?!

Does he keep it on a lead and stuff?!?!

Sillyness aside...

Let him make his own judgements...You never know maybe he'll enjoy the things you and your mates do.

If he starts getting funny about it then tell him to fuck of back to Scotland...Friends always come first!

As for the waking up stuff...Well...Everyone gets greasy in the night...Not all of us are Olivia Newton John-ish!

If he's ever slept with a chick before he'll know what to expect!

Hope that helps!