hi

i have recently started dating a girl, and when we do anything sexual, i can get hard but i cant stay hard, i get hard before she is about to suck my dick and when she starts giving me head, i go soft, and before we are about to have sex, i get hard and as we are doing it, i go soft, its REALLY pissing me off because when i am up for sex, it just doenst happen!

i can stay hard when wanking off, but not when she is doing it to me, i know i am not gay because i am attracted to girls and i think gay sex/anything gay is sick.

any help / pointers??

thanks

Performance anxiety...

The more you worry about not being able to perform, the more likely it is to happen. Got to find some way to relax and leave the "what ifs" at the door.

-Extant

thanks, actually performance IS on my mind before we do anything sexual...because she is experienced in bed so... =/

Extant is right.

Just to let you know, this is quite common, and you'll likely get past it. I don't know of any magic formulas or words that will fix it instantly, though.

thanks

any ideas to how long it will take for it to go? we do sexual stuff every time we are alone, which is most nites and weekends.

I can only offer you my personal experience and hope it helps.

The only time it happens to me is when I feel like 'she' is really hot, above me and maybe dating down... I feel very lucky to be with someone like this, dating up, and want things to go right... too much, to a fault, and I worry about everything going perfectly. The worrying leads to 'wondering' what might go wrong. Invariably, when you're worried about how things can go, how they can fuck up... your worst fears are realized. Hence, you're horny as hell, very turned on, but your "mini-me" isn't cooperating.

There's nothing wrong with this, it will pass, but it can be embarassing and uncomfortable. Like cindy said, it's not uncommon. Now, don't make it worse. If you can't relax enough to let things develop, DO NOT make the mistake of telling her "This has never happened to me before." It will only make her feel like 'she' caused this to happen. And she probably did, but not for the reasons she's thinking. She will be wondering "What's wrong with me?" While you're wondering "She's so fucking hot.. what's wrong with me?"

The last time this happened to me, I was 38, with a very good-looking 26 yr old girl. I was confident enough in myself, but wondering why someone so young and damn good-looking was interested in me (at 38). I was very honest (as I tend to be), and told her that there was nothing wrong with her, that she was very attractive to me but so good looking I felt a little out of my league and not used to being with someone as good looking and sweet as her. She was very understanding, and felt complimented all to hell... long story made short, it relaxed me enough to let things calm down, rise up, and we had the best sex I'd had in a long time.

It's really all mental. The fact that you said you can maintain while whacking off but not when she gets with you should tell you that.

BTW, I've never had this happen to me with someone I feel is in my class or less, just the special ones. Meaning what? If you're really turned on/excited by a relationship with someone, expect you might encounter some difficulties starting out.

Sorry for the long post... but you've got a very valid reason and question for posting this. Hope this helps!

-Extant

cheers again

i am going to her house in the morning tommorow and we will see how it goes, i do feel very relaxed in her company but i guess its something deep inside me, a subconscious thing? in the cinema if no one is in there with us she jerks me off and i can stay hard throughout, i even come, but this is in the cinema where there is no chance of us having sex, but when she jerks me off before we have sex i cant stay hard.

but when we are going to have sex i cant stay hard, but with me staying hard in the cinema but not when we are going to have sex made me think that it is 'performance anxiety' like you said earlier Extent, hopefully it wont be too long until i get over it and please her :-)

thanks for reading and understanding