So, I have this good friend of mine.... He saw this girl for a couple months and they were sexually active and careful about it as well. Turns out, two months later after they broke up she's pregnant. My friend, lets call him Scott, is only 16 and the same for his ex.

She is considering keeping the child. While Scott is thinking a little more logically and considering adoption.

So here is the question I suppose, what can I say to help, maybe make him feel better about the situation. Maybe something he could say to his ex to make her realize that taking care of this child is inevitably a disaster seeing as she works one job and her parents refuse to support it. When he told me I was just kind of shocked and didn't quite know what to say.

I am not used to these kinds of situations. I live in a rural town and things like this never seem to happen, rarely do I ever see a teenager pregnant. So I was just kind of eh, about it, didn't know what to do or say.

The statistics are grim.

Most teens who have and keep a child never, ever rise out of poverty. Unless they come from a financially well-to-do family which offers financial and moral support.

A child these days in the USA is a half-million dollar lifetime debt.

The mother won't get a full night's sleep for a good 3-4 months. A baby is a 24/7 obligation.

She'll have depression, body aches and anxiety for the next 2-3 years. And she'll be too broke to do anything about it.

All you can do is offer moral support to your friend Scott and urge him to get a decent job, since he'll likely be held responsible for financial support.

I have heard of "adoption agencies" which "match" mothers-to-be with stable married couples who would like very much to be parents. Paid expenses and compensation are often provided. This would be the most sensible route for a pregnant teen with a non-supportive family.

Yes, an adoption agency is a very sound way to get through this, if she wishes to not abort. It really soudns like the two of them, and their parents just need to sit down and talk about this to figure out what's best for them. I hope everything goes good for them and all.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

The statistics are grim.

Most teens who have and keep a child never, ever rise out of poverty. Unless they come from a financially well-to-do family which offers financial and moral support.

A child these days in the USA is a half-million dollar lifetime debt.

The mother won't get a full night's sleep for a good 3-4 months. A baby is a 24/7 obligation.

She'll have depression, body aches and anxiety for the next 2-3 years. And she'll be too broke to do anything about it.

All you can do is offer moral support to your friend Scott and urge him to get a decent job, since he'll likely be held responsible for financial support.

I have heard of "adoption agencies" which "match" mothers-to-be with stable married couples who would like very much to be parents. Paid expenses and compensation are often provided. This would be the most sensible route for a pregnant teen with a non-supportive family.

Scott financially could take care of this child, but he doesn't want to be thrown into something they both can't handle emotionally. Me knowing how Scott is he could never take care of this child, he hasn't got a clue what it means to be a father. I don't know the mother although I haven't heard the greatest of things about her from many people. She sounds immature, although I am not going to hold things that other people say against her. Even though you can't help but not ignore them all the time.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

I have heard of "adoption agencies" which "match" mothers-to-be with stable married couples who would like very much to be parents. Paid expenses and compensation are often provided. This would be the most sensible route for a pregnant teen with a non-supportive family.



That sounds like the most sensible thing, I am not quite sure Scott will be able to convince her it's the best thing to do.

Well, women, especially young women, find themselves thinking irrationally when pregnant. This is probably because of hormones.

Does Scott have a decent relationship with her? By this I mean do they talk in a civil manner? Are they friends, somewhat?

He should be asking her why she wants to have a child at such a young age. She needs to be encouraged to articulate the reasons herself. This will force to actually think about this rationally, and she might decide on her own that she's not ready for motherhood.

I have to agree statistics are grim alright however there are millions who make a good life for their child. My own mother did for me. My g/f is doing so for her child from a previous relationship as are several people 'I know who had kids as teens. Some do better than others some do very well and a few do really bad. Not alot to say oother than to offer suppor if its needed.

Is it too late for an abortion? If she refuses, you can give her one in her sleep

[/sick thoughts]

Mackoffet has a point; it is possible and it has been done. But as he acknowledgedalso, the stats are grim.

One other note...is Scott absolutely sure he's the one who impregnated her? I don't know the girl, so I'm loathe to make such assumptions/accusations, but desperate women do irrational things.

Does Scott even have any proof that she is pregnant? 16 year old girls are unstable. I know of more than one instance where an ex-girlfriend who's played the pregnancy game just to get some attention. And plus, I'd demand proof that it's mine. It's a long shot, but I'd still want proof, after all you said they were careful.

With that being said, her hormones are telling her to keep her baby. It'll be hard to beat them hormones. I'd say something about her wasted potential, she's too young to throw away her life now, and she won't be able to go to University or College or experience her life as a normal young adult. Starting right now, the rest of her life is work. Working a job to pay for the kid, working the job of being a mom. It's not a very appealing life style.

-Nocuous

DeadlyCindy: Scott doesn't have the greatest of relationships with her but he is making an effort considering the situation. As far it being his child, I don't know the girl so I couldn't say yes or no. I am sure he would know though and if he is worried about it then he obviously has something to base it on, I suppose.

nocuous: Well she is already about 2-3 months into pregnancy and Scott says it quite noticable. I know what you mean about her fucking up her life, but I don't think its going to be very easy to convinvce her of that, but its worth a try.



Thanks all.

16? Ouch...

I'll assume this girl is a 'good' girl and isn't just considering keeping the baby to make her ex's life horrible.

The motherly feeling is quite a powerful one, even in the face of such extraordinary odds.

How is it that Scott is financially able to care for a child? His parents loaded 'er something? They do know how much kids cost, right?

I'm in a similiar situation, an unplanned pregnancy and an ex that wants me to give the child up so that he doesn't have to be responsible. Difference is, I'm 22, educated, a skilled worker, and I've dealt with a lot of hard times which (I feel) have equiped me for the challenges ahead. If I were 16 I wouldn't have the same confidence in my abilities to provide a good enough home for a child. It's not that I'm a bad person, or would make a negligent mother... but at 16 you're asking a child to not only be an adult, but a parent. IMO that's too much to ask of someone with so little life-experience.

When you do approach her it's very important that you be understanding of the 'connection' between mum and child, consider it a mother-bear situation so don't try to come between them.

It's also important that you don't attack/question her abilities as a mother. Simply point out all of the benefits the child will have from being raised in a family setting by people who are better equiped to provide for the HUGE emotional, time, and financial expense a child represents. Also point out the benefits she stands to gain, she'll be able to finish school, enjoy a little more of her young life, etc.





[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 02-08-2004).]

Good advice Sarc.

Everyone else as well.