i don'tr eally have anyone here i trust, so i'll go with people who i'll never meet, at least....

the way i feel for a girl i know is strange at best. i won't lie, i've been a complete asshole to her, and she's got me pretty bad to. we went out twice, and i broke up wiith her both times. we were going to be friends, and we have been for awhile, and i thought it was going really well.btu we can't seem to let go. i can cover it mostly when she talks about another guy, but just recently she was going to ask my roomate and friend of some years out. i freaked out. i couldn't stand the thought of seeing them together all the time. that she would be in my apartment... she freaked out back at me, and now she wants to leave the city, move somewhere else... and i realized, i don't want her to go. i've been stoned pretty much 24-7 since she said she was leaving town, i can't function, i can't get my mind off her.... but i've hurt her before... and without trying to be conceted (sp) she can't get over me. she said it herself. i know she'd take me back, but i'd honestly rather die than hurt her like that again... i just don't want her to leave. i want to be friends... i just worry that wat i'm feeling is the need o not feel guilty anymore, and i know that if sh'es my friend that i''m forgiven, but that if she leaves i'll always feel that someone out there hates me. call me what you will, i can't deal with that. so i leave it to you. whatever......

PS - anything you can flame me with, i've already either been called or called myself about a millon times now.. but if you feel the need, go to it.

If you don't want to hurt her again, remember what you did that hurt her and don't do it. If you can't do that, you're fairly well stuck.

have a long deep conversation with her. tell her everything you feel. it sounds like you love her. do you? listen to that pharrel song "frontin" and then stop fronting. next time, go into the relationship with the full awareness that she is a human being with feelings who can get hurt, and never do it again.

--->lauren

p.s. i was kidding about the song part.

It sounds like you are actually in love with each other but neither wants to really admit it for some reason. I mean the fact that you don't want to hurt her and would rather die than do so says that there is alot more than just some simple feeling for her.

I think you both need to sit down be open and honest about what you are both feeling andyou will get it sorted. I know Ive lost more than one g/f for not telling them how I felt about them or what I wanted.

Sounds like you have garden-variety, run-of-the-mill intimacy issues. This doesn't mean you're doomed; you just might want to figure a way to deal with it.

As lauren suggested, tell her what's on your mind. Be as honest as you can, which of course means being *gasp* vulnerable. If you can't articulate how you feel, say so. If you have no frame of reference, i.e. you haven't felt this way before, say so. This is all, of course, if you really like her, and it sounds like you do.

"Going out" twice, then "breaking up" twice? Huh? Did one date, in both instances, constitute a relationship? A date is just that...a date. Not a relationship. To say you "broke up" reinforces the idea of failure when there was nothing to fail.

She probably likes you enough but is probably getting "mixed signals" from you, so she's going on with her life. All you can do to clear your mind is have that talk.