My girlfriend thinks im a jealous freak because shes always hanging out with thisdude that she says is just her friend,but shes always wearing his coat, has his necklace on all the time and they hang out more than me and her do.But anyways most of the reason why i dont trust him is because he wont look me in the eyes or talk to me, and when he does he looks away within a few seconds.Am I being an ass or what?I just dont trust anyone like I use to.

Don't trust him. You might seem overly jealous to HER, but it's okay as long as you don't get all crazy (ie. going through her stuff; stalking her). It's better to seem insecure than to feel stupid when/if you find out shes cheating on you.

From my experience, the things you mention makes it seem that she's most likely cheating. I guess it also depends on what kind of person she is.I know some girls that are just really friendly and like to wear other peoples stuff.

If you're being jealous, it's not to an unhealthy extent. There's no way she could not realize why you're upset by this, regardless of what she says. She may not even admit it to herself, but she knows. The only way she could not know is if she honestly and truly thinks of this guy as a friend to the point where it should be obvious to everyone. That may be a realistic possibility, I don't know her.

Regardless of whether she's stringing you along or getting played, though, this guy sounds like trouble for what you have with her. If she insists on hanging out with him, you might do better cutting things off with her now. If she's like, wtf, just tell her everything you said here, nice and clearly. Maybe she'll wake up, but if she tells you to more or less bugger off, it's just as well. At worst, you just broke up with a girl too immature and/or clueless to rely on.

whats the point of being jealous? whats the point of controlling someone? she wants to hang out with him, so what? why would you rather keep her from doing what she wants just to make yourself feel less insecure?

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

whats the point of being jealous? whats the point of controlling someone? she wants to hang out with him, so what? why would you rather keep her from doing what she wants just to make yourself feel less insecure?

That was the point of my post. Don't over-do it by being controlling, just be reasonably suspicious. Hanging out with him is one thing, but from my experience it could also be more than that.

Beat His Fucking ASS

Yeah she gets pissed when anybody questions if she messes around,she swears they're just friends,but I dunno I been lied to enough times to know you cant believe everything people say.Even though he is a geek from hell,he does have a car and thats all they ever do is drive around and shit.I guess im just gonna try to let her know it bothers me without sounding like a jealous, overprotective asshole,plus i will make it clear to him that I dont share.

[This message has been edited by JDOGGYDOGG (edited 02-07-2004).]

shes a, what we call around here; car slag. Its someone who is only someones friend because they have a car and money, and nothing else...fuck her off man, find someone proper and decent and *wants* to spend time with you, for who you are.

quote:Originally posted by ChubZero:

That was the point of my post. Don't over-do it by being controlling, just be reasonably suspicious. Hanging out with him is one thing, but from my experience it could also be more than that.

so what? if its more than that, then he can leave her if he wants. i just dont see how controlling someone you supposedly care about makes anyone happy. suppose he told her she wasnt allowed to be with that guy and she complied. how selfish is it for him to be happy while she isnt? just so he can ease his insecurities? thats all it is afterall.

If hes just some geek they might only be friends, like if she was friends with him before she knew you... i dont know though, he does have a penis, too... you cant trust guys, you cant trust girls either.

quote:Originally posted by mrman383:

so what? if its more than that, then he can leave her if he wants. i just dont see how controlling someone you supposedly care about makes anyone happy. suppose he told her she wasnt allowed to be with that guy and she complied. how selfish is it for him to be happy while she isnt? just so he can ease his insecurities? thats all it is afterall.

The thing is he doesn't know if it's more than that. Obviously, he should leave her if it is. That would be extemely stupid to tell her not to be with someone else if it made her happy, but it's wrong for her not to tell him if thats the case.

[This message has been edited by ChubZero (edited 02-07-2004).]

Part of respecting your partner and the relationship is to know where to draw the line.

For rational people who seek meaningful relationships, there are certain things you just don't do. Humans are woefully imperfect, and jealousy is a natural response when you see your girl doing something (wearing another guys clothes and jewelry!) that can be construed as intimate.

The only way this could be justified is if she's in the habit of wearing other people's clothes and jewelry in general, both male and female.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Part of respecting your partner and the relationship is to know where to draw the line.

For rational people who seek meaningful relationships, there are certain things you just don't do. Humans are woefully imperfect, and jealousy is a natural response when you see your girl doing something (wearing another guys clothes and jewelry!) that can be construed as intimate.

The only way this could be justified is if she's in the habit of wearing other people's clothes and jewelry in general, both male and female.



i have a news flash for you, its not a meaningful relationship when you want to control a person and change the way they act. if some of these jealous people werent so hellbent on having a "relationship" maybe they could wait until they find a person who wants the same things they want, rather than trying to enforce their will onto another. this girl doesnt owe this guy shit, she should be able to control her own life. if he doesnt like it, he doesnt have to be with her. this jealously shit has so many people with their heads up their asses. why would you feel the need to be with someone so badly that you wish for them to be unhappy? how can you be happy by making your partner unhappy? i just do not see how her complying to his wishes could make him happy. he has to know that shes no longer following her free will.

^^Words from someone who has never been in a meaningful relationship. If I'm wrong, feel free to tell us all about your last meaningful relationship. Now that would be a "news flash."

There's a difference between trying to "control" someone's behavior (say, forcing them to get a tattoo or not allowing them to see their friends) and raising an objection to behavior that should be reserved for the relationship.

Quit being argumentative and contrary for the sake of being argumentative and contrary. If I say "white" you're going to say "black." It's a reflex for you. And it's getting tiring and predictable.

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 02-08-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

^^Words from someone who has never been in a meaningful relationship. If I'm wrong, feel free to tell us all about your last meaningful relationship. Now that would be a "news flash."

Quit being argumentative and contrary for the sake of being argumentative and contrary. If I say "white" you're going to say "black." It's a reflex for you. And it's getting tiring and predictable.

i guess im pyschic too since i posted in this topic well ahead of you. pre emptive contradictions right?

i already went over my last "meaningful relationship" in a different thread. then again, i dont see why you consider that a badge of honor. i guess youre just following the footsteps of most women, the illogical bravado over having a "relationship".

Having a meaningful relationship isn't a "badge of honor." It's evidence that a person knows what they're talking about when giving advice to others. Was fucking a girl who already had a bf your last "meaningful relationship?" That's just sad.

If you've never managed to be in a mutually satisfying, healthy relationship, then you're just not qualified to claim what constitutes a satisfying, healthy relationship. What good is your "advice?"

Then again, you've openly admitted to not being interested in helping anyone here. You're only interested in mouthing off incomprehensibly. This is totse, so that is your right. As a moderator here, and someone who gives a shit about those who post here, it is my right to point out that your mutterings are just that--malcontented mutterings and should in no way be taken seriously.

I'd say she is cheating...

Has she ever given you the "I couldn't do that to you" line? It's complete bullshit...

First hand experience Hanging out with a guy all the time, calling him/talking to him while out with you, wearing clothes, stops callig/spending time with you as much, doesn't listen when you tell her to spend less time with a guy, says they are only friends (if they were really only friends she would just say they are friends, not "only" or "just" friends...) means that she is cheating...

Three words: Night-Vision Goggles.

One of the biggest problems with people is that they don't trust their instincts. This applies to most people: if you think he/she is cheating, he/she probably is.

Not that I advocate actually freking out on them just yet. Rather than sitting around stewing about weather or not you can trust your instincts, you should take action.

Someone said that you shouldn't go out stalking her. I agree. Stalking by definition means she knows you're following her. Call me paranoid (everyone else does), but I say follow her around and confirm your suspicons.

At which point if/when you catch them, make her cry and kick his ass. The crying is especialy satisfying.

Now, the best way to make her feel as bad as she should feel is to take jabs at her psyche. The last girl I dated, who cheated on me, got this in part: "You stupid bitch! You go and hop from guy to guy, fucking them as fast as you can meet them! The whole time you bitch about how your friends are sluts to give yourself a sense of moral superiority, while you call these guys your 'boyfriends' (really lay on the venom for that one word) so that you don't have to face the inescapable conclusion that YOU'RE an unmitigated whore!"

Be sure to use lots of insulting terms, and a healthy sprinkling of verbs. Depending on what type of person she is, you will have to decide what will cause the most psycological damage. Quiet disapointment is good for a guilt reaction. Rightous fury is excelent for self denial. This particular girl never has anyone yell at her no matter how out of line she is, so I chose yelling for the extra dash of pain it caused. She cried for more than a week, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm proud of that. She deserved it.

Bitter? Me? Damn straight.

Before anyone says anything, I am in fact aware that I am a horrible horrible person. Don't let my supreme hadred of this one person confuse you, I don't hate women in general. I'm actualy not a monster, as if you'd beleive that now.

Whoops, I let my rambling go on far too long. I tend to do that with the things that are important to me.

ok well its sounds like you have a problem there, obviously there is something going on.

like dc said the only exception to this is if the chick wears other ppls clothes and stuff all the time, if not then it is a sub concious way of this chick showing this guy she's into him.

there is no question about whether your trying to control her or not, obviously not otherwise it wouldn't have gone on this long (speaking from experience).

i agree with promethues, follow her or find out where they will be and just be there and observe them, or just save yourself the hassale, confront her, you obviously know the signs for lying, if she is dump her ass and crush her into the ground.

cheating is just wrong, ive got good male friends but never did anything like that kinda behaviour when i had a b/f, christ don't even do it now and i'm single!!

let us know how you go, and remember, if she's doing shit like that she's not worth it, there are plenty of chicks out there who are genuine.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Having a meaningful relationship isn't a "badge of honor." It's evidence that a person knows what they're talking about when giving advice to others. Was fucking a girl who already had a bf your last "meaningful relationship?" That's just sad.

If you've never managed to be in a mutually satisfying, healthy relationship, then you're just not qualified to claim what constitutes a satisfying, healthy relationship. What good is your "advice?"

Then again, you've openly admitted to not being interested in helping anyone here. You're only interested in mouthing off incomprehensibly. This is totse, so that is your right. As a moderator here, and someone who gives a shit about those who post here, it is my right to point out that your mutterings are just that--malcontented mutterings and should in no way be taken seriously.



first of all, thats a stupid theory. jealousy is not acceptable, no matter how jealous you are and how you find an excuse for yourself to be so.

second, rtft. i know this is emotional for you. i know its much easier to get upset and bitch and moan than to actually read and understand. but do it anyway.

^^Incomprehensible, as usual. I know it's easier for you to spew words like a child instead of writing a coherent argument. You act like it's some effort to write with literacy.

Stay on topic, post/attention whore, and quit whining like a bitch after every one of my posts.



[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 02-08-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

^^Incomprehensible, as usual. I know it's easier for you to spew words like a child instead of writing a coherent argument. You act like it's some effort to write with literacy.

Stay on topic, post/attention whore, and quit whining like a bitch after every one of my posts.

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 02-08-2004).]

if you want to stay on topic, dont ask off topic questions. furthermore, if you want to answer those questions, read the fucking thread they are posted in.

I smell a cat fight brewing...

dont trust him. if your girl is attractive he is most likely trying to go out with her and he probably talks shit on you when your not around to her.if shes not then im guessing there just friends. but if shes hot tell him 2 stay the fuck away from your girl. if your girl loves you she will argue with you at first but just tell her who do you like more him or me? and if she loves you shell say you and ingore him.my girl had a friend like that and 1 day he ended up trying to rape her in her house. i broke his legs and smashed his face on the curb.got 2 years of probation and 300 hours of community service but it was worth it.fuck him up

I like Prometheus.

This shits starting to drive me crazy, ok last night she told me she was going to her moms house in a different city right,and my cousin and I were driving around town and decided to find out where that little bitch lives,so after talking to some people I found out and we went by and saw him in his living room putting my girls hoody on,so we drove around some more and saw him park with someone in the passanger seat wearing a hat like my girls, and my cuz is like was that ur g/f?I was pissed we followed them around until he parked again and I jumped out of the car and ran over there just as this kid I know gets out and walks away.I felt so retarded,and today she came by with her good (female) friend well she wouldnt kiss me,or anything adn kept saying she had a nice dream last night but she didnt think it would come true.Then she started saying how I need to get a six pack and stuff, and was totally being a bitch, so when her friend,who lives with her now because her mom kicked her out, went to the bathroom I asked her what was going on and why she was being a bitch, she said she doesnt care about anyone else when she hangs out with her female friend, and insisted that I thought she was cheating.I told her it seems like she is, and she swore she isnt,kissed me and left to go meet up with the rotten bastard.Plus that I heard that shes tweekin with him next friday in springfield.Im tired of this shit,shes the best thing in my life right now, and it would be hard to break up,but i think i could handle it,so im thinking that tomorrow im going to get her after school and tell her to come over after she tans ALONE so we can talk, and ill straight up tell her that it isnt going to work if she keeps her shit up, and that she means the world to me,and i want her to start hanging around with me more than she is now.Does that sound like a good idea?Ill check the responses when i get up in the morning or before she comes over.Sorry for dragging it on.

You're in a complicated situation, but it seems that you have a pretty good handle on it.

dont take any shit. when her freinds with her curse out her friend and b like y the fuck r u puttin ideas in my girls head? and then curse at your girl for being such a follower. and beat the shit out of that guy.same exact shit happend to me. hope this helps

I think its obvious that he is trying to get some action from your girlfriend.

The guys know what I mean.

In the first place, why do we become friends with the most girls we are friends with anyway?! To get some action or ass or get a g/f.

THIS is obviously what he is doing.

Girls are scandalous too, she is probably lying her ass off. She probably knows what he wants. She is wearing his coat?! His necklace?! Its PLAIN as the sky up above us that these TWO are secretly smitting on the downlow.

She'd rather hang with him, then YOU? Yea man, I'd be pissed too. Honestly try to talk to her about it though. Ask her why does she like to hang with this guy so much.

I would too be jealous, cause if you have noticed this yourself, its probably too late. They have probably flirted, this guy has probably been like "why do you go with this guy" "bla bla bla" .. telling your girl she looks good and everything. Believe me, I've done it myself.



Cut it off with her, tell her to quit hanging out with him so much. Or simpely investigate yourself. Follow them around. Get your friends to watch them, and if they kiss or have, fuck the dude up. Then call it quits.

Hope this shit helps.