I went out with this girl on Tuesday.

We had a fucking great time, we got on really well. In most respects you could call her an ideal girlfriend. We share the same sense of humour, she's pretty, blah, blah, blah.

So, what's the problem?

Well, she's seriously racist. Which means most of my friends hate her before they've even met her. Because of what I belive in (me being a "Let's fuck like bunnies, till we're all the same colour" dude) most of her friends hate me, infact her best freind walked off when I happened to mention you should give peeps a chance before you judge them.

Before we went out I was in two minds whether or not to call it all off, but a talk with two of my mates convinced me to give it ago. Those two mates, however, were my two mental friends, not very reprsentative of most of my others. Since Tuesday I've had mates ringing me to tell me how much of a stupid cunt I am. I've now got to get a tattoo (if I told you about Callum, you'd understand why I must get a tattoo) so I prove to Callum that I havn't completly comprimised everything I belive in by seeing her.

Should I carry on seeing her, because I really like her? Or should I quit before it all gets to serious, knowing it'll all end in a giant shitstorm, cos are freinds hate each other and we think each others beliefs are evil?

It's been doing my fucking head in.

[This message has been edited by soul rebel (edited 02-05-2004).]

hey , is she racist purely cause she is ignorant? if so perhaps you might be able to subtly educate her, or at least get her talking as to why she might be racist. the thing is she will have to deal with it at some stage, so if u can get her thinking "openly" then good, otherwise , unless u REALLY like her, IMO i would probably bail out now, its only going to become more of an issue.

my two cents anyway

g'luck

quote:Originally posted by icicle:

hey , is she racist purely cause she is ignorant? if so perhaps you might be able to subtly educate her, or at least get her talking as to why she might be racist.

I wouldn't say she's ignorant. It's just what she believes in. Peeps all see the world from differant angles. It would be completly pointless to try and change her, when something is set so firmly in someones brain, and everyone around her believes in the same things, it's pretty fucking impossible.

We nearly started having the arguement on Tuesday, but I stopped it, knowing that not only would it go nowhere, but it would end with me hating her, which I don't want to do. Now we've agreed that politics is off-limits. I've got a couple of friends that I should hate because of their views (Including a few racists) but get on really well with, 'cos we refuse to talk politics. The problem is they're all just freinds (albeit, really good friends), and now we're talking about someone who I want to be more than just good freinds with.

[ "Ever Fallen in Love with Someone (you shouldn't've)" Just came on the radio. Maybe God's tormenting me (ok, so I don't love her, but, you know....]

There are some things, even big things, that two people can willfully ignore in each other so they get on well.

This is rarely one of them.

Forget your friends for a second. We're not talking about politics here, either. We're talking about a basic belief in the nature of humanity. If she remains as racist as she is now, it's going to show, regardless of how much she tries to hide it from you. Likewise, your open-mindedness is going to show, probably a good deal more because you don't have to worry about any other people (for the most part) giving you grief. Racists often have to tone their shit down to save themselves trouble, even if it's only because they're not in the mood for it.

The best possible outcome is that, over time, your solid beliefs and freer mind will osmose into her, softening her stance against other races. It's a nice thought, and honestly, I think it'd be worth it if you knew for certain that'd be the end result. But there's a flip side- what happens if she's the stronger one and starts to influence you? Or you both influence each other towards more of a middle ground (which shouldn't even exist in terms of racism)? In the latter case, instead of one open-minded person and one hardcore racist, you've got two mildly racist people. That seems worse.

Truth be told, I don't think any of that's likely. If she didn't have those friends around, positive exposure to other races and your attitude would almost assuredly bring her around towards your way of thinking, but she does. You have your friends, too, and most of society behind you as well, so you're not likely to fall to her side.

I don't see why it can't work for awhile, but given enough time (and no other reasons for a breakup), this is probably going to cause a problem. It damn near always does. If you're one of the few who can make things work, more power to you.

Well, how exactly is she racist? Is she of the "white supremacist" variety, who believes in doing away with all other races so that whites can own the world (as if they don't already) or is she simply bigoted, and makes demeaning comments about other races?

A digression, for a moment. I have been called both "racist" and "bigoted." This has caused me to take notice of what I say and how I say it. Like you, I truly believe in "fuck 'til we're all the same color" but I catch myself saying assinine things. Example: if someone's talking about some single woman she knows that keeps getting pregnant and having children by different fathers, I'll inquire, "Is she black?" And I feel like a retard. Stuff like that. I blame my upbringing and the neighborhood I grew up in, but it's something I'm always working on. Is your gf like that?

You say she's not ignorant, but I think all racism and bigotry are a result of ignorance. I think this romance is doomed 'cause you'll eventually tire of countering her comments and opinions, and she'll tire of your contrary stance.

quote:Originally posted by soul rebel:



Should I carry on seeing her, because I really like her? Or should I quit before it all gets to serious, knowing it'll all end in a giant shitstorm, cos are freinds hate each other and we think each others beliefs are evil?



You should quit before the shit storm. You are not attached yet, there are many fish in the sea, and Spiffy is probably right that there is probably no future with her.

Maybe you should tap that ass first though.

I agree with ICICLE maybe she just doesn't k now any better. People can always learn new behavors, don't listen to everything your friends tell you.

So what if shes racist? I can be prejudice/racist at times, that doesnt stop me from getting girls, since alotta girls here feel the same way.

if you really like the girl and she is that in common with you fuck what people think. Racism has nothing to do with your relationship as long as shes not bringing u to clan meetings or anything whats the big deal what ur or her friends think.

quote:Originally posted by Qoh:

if you really like the girl and she is that in common with you fuck what people think. Racism has nothing to do with your relationship as long as shes not bringing u to clan meetings or anything whats the big deal what ur or her friends think.

When one partner is strongly racist and the other isn't, it has a way of consistently fouling things up. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does.

Ok, I've sorted my head out now. At work I made a list of good things and bad things about seeing her.

Bad things.

*Racist,

*Most of my mates hate her even though they've never met her,

*I've got too get a fucking tattoo (which'll hurt, cos I'm a wuss),

*Most of her friends will probably hate me,

*and if it ends, it'll end in a giant mess.

Good things.

*She's a great laugh,

*She's cute (that's not just a way of saying she's not very good-looking, cute's a good thing)

*I've got an excuse to get a tattoo I want, because I wouldn't get it if I didn't have too ('cos I'm a wuss)

*She's not a stuck-up bint

*If it all ends in a mess, at least I'll have another good story to put in my autobiography.

Then, I weighed all these up and decided, Fuck it. I'm going to regret it if I don't give it a try. Peeps might think I'm stupid, but I havn't got where I am today without completly ignoring peoples (probably good) advice. Enjoy it while it lasts, and if it goes tits up I've got drugs and booze to see me through.

I'm not going to attempt to change her views. No point trying. No point even hoping. I'll just see what happens.

Thanks for attempting to give me advice, which, although I read it, have decided to completly disregard.

So, if I understand correctly, you've accepted tension among friends on both sides, ignorant viewpoints and enforced painful, permanent markings for a cute girl with a great laugh. I hope at least she gives you a few nice blowjobs.

Actually, I suppose this is typical. And the reason most guys end up hating girls. When the shit hits the fan, hopefully you'll remember it's a result of your own poor judgement and not the girl's fault.

So, why must you get a tat anyways. Just wondering.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

So, if I understand correctly, you've accepted tension among friends on both sides, ignorant viewpoints and enforced painful, permanent markings for a cute girl with a great laugh. I hope at least she gives you a few nice blowjobs.

Actually, I suppose this is typical. And the reason most guys end up hating girls. When the shit hits the fan, hopefully you'll remember it's a result of your own poor judgement and not the girl's fault.

I completely agree with this, but I also completely understand and hope you really like the tattoo. It's probably going to be the only potentially positive reminder of this when all is said and done, outside of the lessons learned.

For what it's worth, I don't think you'll have a problem with hating girls (or anyone) in general after this, no matter what happens. As long as you can avoid that, most of the really big downsides are being rendered irrelevant. Maybe that'll make things easier.