I have liked this guy since last summer (about 6 months) off and on. It's kinda a love/hate thing. He is very rude, thinks hes of higher class, and thinks hes the best at everything, making him sort of a snobby elitist at times. He also has really weird mood swings. He will hate you one day, not talk to you and such, and then like you the next, talks to you non-stop. I like him when he's in the mood to talk to me, but not when hes rude and thinks I am not worth his time to talk to. I don't know if he notices that he hurts alot of peoples feelings this way, or if he likes to piss people off or see them hurt. I have heard from alot of my friends that I can do so much better then him and that even if we did go out, he doesnt deserve me. I still think that I should atleast get a chance.

The next problem is that I am very shy and quiet, so therefore I dont go up to him and start talking to him. I feel like I would be intruding or feel like he would ignore me and when I walked away, he would talk about me. I have heard that that is just me though, and that I shouldnt be scared to talk to someone or speak my mind for that matter when he does tell me off or something.

If anyone has any advice to give me, please tell me.

Does he have a lot of girlfriends? if he doesn't you're probbly in there and maybe if you were going out with him he'd stop being rude to you.

interesting situation!

personally, i can't imagine why you would want to be with someone who is rude to you. but the fact is that you do, so... you need to just go for it.

it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. transcend your shyness and being quiet. don't worry about intruding on him, if he ignores you and walks away then that's what happens. don't give a shit if he talks about you.

so, in closing, either just advance on him and ask him out, or start initiating conversation with him more, and don't worry about the consequences being negative.

I've been in this kind of situation. Odds are, if you go up and talk to him all the time, he's going to find you annoying and avoid you. You should just go up and talk to him occasionally. If he doesn't want to talk, go away. When he does, he'll talk to you. After you pretty much know eachother well enough that you can say it, ask him what the hell is up with him that he's rude and distant to you. Maybe that'll change him or something. If not, other fish in the sea

I suppose anything can happen.

Reading your post, I didn't see one reason why you like this guy.

I'm no psychic, but I foresee only grief for you if you "get together" with this guy. The grief will be punctuated by good times, which will make it hard to leave him.

Plus, it sounds like he has psychological problems. Either he is influenced by a hostile and/or unstable home environment, or he's clinically bipolar, depressed or something else.

I wouldn't touch this guy with a ten foot pole, but that seems like a lesson you're bound to learn on your own.

yeah, why do you like him? he seems like an ass with some major malfunctions to me.

GOD I HATE GURLS LIKE YOU

why cant girls enjoy being treated like they matter. GOD im supprised that girls havnt turned me gay

I don't think he has had many girlfriends in the past. He was going after a girl but she didn't like him and didn't wanna go out with him when he offered. He says he considers me a friend when we talk on AIM or at school, or when his friends ask him (I overhear alot of stuff...I am that type of person).

As for mental/physical problems, I don't know if hes bi-polar or not. He sometimes acts like it, but I think its more along the lines of if his "cool" friends aren't around or on AIM, then he will talk to you, but if they are on he will reply but your not his most important conversation. Now, with the girl he liked, everytime she got on he would talk to her non-stop until one of them had to get off. So, I don't know.

I don't know, maybe if you get to know him better he won't be a snobby elitist. Lots of people thought I was a snobby elitist until they got to know me, because I was depressed and tired of people just saying stuff like hi or how's it going instead of acting interested in getting to know me. Maybe he's the same way. I don't know. Just go for it, you never know what will happen.

The guy sounds like my father (seriously bi-polar, severe drug/alcohol user, moron overall), I'd say drop him, he will, more then likely, turn out similar.

everyone deserves a chance, even I was given a chance today, and she obviously thinks the same about me like you think about this guy.

There is nothing wrong with being an elitest, confidence/arrogance can be a great thing. Especially in the real world, alebit in relationships it is probably not a great thing.

If your attitudes are clashing, mabye he puts you in a "class" below him...are you??? that should be a pretty easy question for you to answer to yourself... If you are then you probably don't belong together. I am somewhat that way myself (as evidenced by this post) and I know that I would not change my attitudes for anyone and I don't think most guys would either

Right then treacle...Listen to uncle Psycho on this one!

1) This guy sounds like a fuckweed who deserves none of your time.

I know the type of guy he is...Met many of them before!

They think they are better than you but when they are suddenly confronted with a situation involving you, they act as if they are your best friend.

When they can easily get away from you they will treat you like a twat!

These people are bad...Especially as significant others!

Trust me!

2) Shyness is a large thing to overcome...It's not impossible, take it from me.

I used to be a timid little fella...Now I can talk to anyone!

Just take it one day at a time and don't feel bad of things don't go as well as you hoped!

Hope that rambling helped!

Some of you are saying that you know the type of person/people I am talking about or ARE one. Now, if you are one then you should know if you would give me a chance or not. But, seeing as I am shy, don't like to confront people, and I am very observant and hear alot of things around me, what would you think of me? What would I have to do to get your attention?

And, no I am not the "nerdy" type, nor am I the sporty/preppy/ "omg like omg like" type. I am in the middle, and in my opinion so is he, but he "thinks" hes better/smarter than everyone else/high class. I dont know what to do. I want to have a chance and I dont know how to achieve or get a chance. I need advice on that now.

I still don't get why you even like him. Let's hear some reasons. Then you might get more relevant advice.

quote:Originally posted by bushy:

GOD I HATE GURLS LIKE YOU

why cant girls enjoy being treated like they matter. GOD im supprised that girls havnt turned me gay



How about trying to find a guy who gives a shit about you all the time? They exist, they really do. Come on, just look harder.



[This message has been edited by jojabr (edited 02-04-2004).]

I like him when hes actually nice to me. I like him when he talks to me. I like him when hes open. A couple of times that I have talked to him I was having a really bad day and he told me to tell him about it and that he would listen. I told him everything that went bad that day, and he seemed really concerned. He gave me alot of advice, and told me that he would listen anytime I needed to talk to someone. It was very comforting. He even made himself a shirt that said one of our "inside jokes" from that conversation. lol. He is also very funny. All of this is why I like him

Pay attention. Then decide if you want to take heed of this or not.

I understand where you're coming from. I've met guys like the one you're describing, and for a time I was one. He's capable of being the "good" him all the time, but he lacks the confidence to be himself 24-7. The elitist bullshit comes about because he knows he's got a leg up on plenty of people, but deep down he knows there are plenty of others that have a leg up on him. Because of that, he throws that attitude out when he's feeling insecure.

I've also seen these guys when they've had girlfriends. This has happened too many times- a girl, such as yourself, sees the upside, decides she likes that part more than she dislikes the other, and wants to give him a chance. It's a wonderful thing to see, one human being giving another a real chance.

Here's the problem.

You don't know the "real" him any more than he does yet. Not everyone who has the potential to be good does so. Sometimes, once people like that figure themselves out, they swing towards the complete asshole side of the fence because that suits their nature better than being a good guy. People like you wind up stuck in the middle- you've seen the positive side of him, and when that starts to slip away, it sucks so much you have to save him. You can't let go, and then you get pulled down with him.

If you hook up with him, you're going to get a close-up view of all his various sides, not just the ones you enjoy. It's an emotional rollercoaster too many people ride. If you like the good side of him so much, the best thing you can do is not go out with him. Express your interest? Sure. But do not do a goddamn thing with him until he knows that the only part of him that interests you is the kind young man you've seen time and again. You don't want anything to do with the snobby prick that shows itself too often.

Some people might tell him you're trying to change him. Technically, they're right, but don't let that sway you. Being a good person is better than being an asshole- there's nothing wrong with dangling yourself out there as motivation for him to change.

But, for the love of fucking god, if you do this and it works, don't fuck him over. Don't just be like, it's great you're all nice and stuff, but I don't like you anymore. Be as sure as you can that it's his good side, and NOT the idea of getting him to show is good side at all times, that is attracting you to him. This isn't something you can do halfway. If you become his reason for being a better person, you can't turn around and do something to make him feel like it was all a waste. Take a good, long look at the situation, and if you think that might happen, DON'T DO THIS.

But, anyway, going back and simplifying it all... he's not worth the hassle as is, I can promise you that. You may have to learn on your own, but enough people do that- learn from someone else's mistakes.

the word would be a goddamn boring place if everyone were nice all the time. dont try to beat him, join him. have some laughs and a good time, rather than worrying about whos being nice or rude or whatnot.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

ARE one. Now, if you are one then you should know if you would give me a chance or not. But, seeing as I am shy, don't like to confront people, and I am very observant and hear alot of things around me, what would you think of me? What would I have to do to get your attention?

show me that you live your life. Show me that you gave your life a meaning and at the same time know how to enjoy anything in your life that´s interesting. Show me, that you can deal with envy, hate and intrigues which happen automatically when you´re good at doing something or when you have a good self-confidence. Show me, that someone who creates good art doesn´t have to be gay or a junkie to be an artist. Show me, that you´re not already dead and resigned because you know that you´ll die one day or because you can´t change the things you don´t like. Show me, that you don´t judge me by what you see or what others see in me. Show me, that I can trust you and talk with your friends about me the way you talk to me. Show me, that you don´t care about my rudeness, which is just my potection against too much attention of people I don´t know very good.

Just show me, that you want to be with me, just smile at me when I smile at you, and I´ll show you ...

SO, to sum it all up (even though half of you are telling me hes not worth my time and the other half are telling me go for it), you're telling me to give him the light of day, try to get to know him a little better, show interest and not believe what everyone else explains him as even though I have seen this side of him many a time. And also that the snobby elitist side of him is just something he puts out when hes feeling lost, insecure, depressed, or something.

I don't wanna be clingy or anything, but if he is in that mood and he feels depressed, wouldn't he want someone around him? Because I know that I would thrive for comfort or a talk with someone about it. What should I do? Stay away from him or talk to him about it? I don't know if he would talk to me about it or not, I have never tried to, but.. yea.

Many people around him only take time to look at him and see the negative side, and thats whats put out or said about him. That hes a prick or a snobby elitist or he has his head up his ass. I disagree with these people and think that they don't see half of the "real" him. Is this whats bringing him down? Because he puts out alot of self-confidence to me, but I think you explained that as something he just shows to make people think that. Maybe he thinks that that will make them leave him alone? But in reality, it only creates more stuff about him. I dont know...

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

I don't wanna be clingy or anything, but if he is in that mood and he feels depressed, wouldn't he want someone around him? Because I know that I would thrive for comfort or a talk with someone about it. What should I do? Stay away from him or talk to him about it? I don't know if he would talk to me about it or not, I have never tried to, but.. yea.

Many people around him only take time to look at him and see the negative side, and thats whats put out or said about him. That hes a prick or a snobby elitist or he has his head up his ass. I disagree with these people and think that they don't see half of the "real" him. Is this whats bringing him down? Because he puts out alot of self-confidence to me, but I think you explained that as something he just shows to make people think that. Maybe he thinks that that will make them leave him alone? But in reality, it only creates more stuff about him. I dont know...

Your logic is sound. The problem arises in the unfortunate reality that many, many guys, given the company of a girl who will pay attention to them and perhaps give them exactly what they need, will in turn take her for granted and become a bigger and bigger asshole because they assume she'll be there for them. Compounding the issue are the shit-ton of girls who do just that, wondering what happened to him and trying to pull him back towards the "light".

It's become clearer that the draw for you is not his good side, but the good side played against the bad. I repeat again, you do NOT know the "real" him. That person could be an utter scumbag, with this nice half being the facade. I tossed out the idea of the elitist shit being due to his insecurities because that's how it was with me, that's what I've seen in other people, and I wanted to stay positive about this, but there are a lot of cases where an increase in self-confidence will only create an even bigger prick.

At best, he still has some figuring out to do. If that's the case, then there's a slim- very slim- chance that he really does just need someone close to him to make him a better, happy guy. It pains me to admit that, as you seem to have this romantic notion of what you could do for him lodged in your head, and giving any hope at all may be exactly what you need to make a big fucking mistake. The long odds may provide even more impetus for you to try. But I'm not going to lie about it. Without knowing him at all, I can't completely discount the possibility, but be very aware that of every fifty situations like this, maybe one or two turn out the way you'd like. The rest result in heartbreak, anger, hate, and worse.

At worst, you really do have no chance. That's because at worst, he knows what he's doing. Even if it's done in a clumsy manner, he knows that these clashing sides to his personality are a draw to girls, so he lets them both show and waits to see who it pulls in. It's a huge trap, and you're about to get caught in it. Then he's just going to play the shit out of you until you drop him on his ass, and if you're like most of the girls who get stuck in a situation like this, it could take a very, very long time for you to do that.

Listen to your friends. Learn this lesson now: When you become enamored with someone, you don't think straight. No matter how much you think you can do it, it's impossible to be completely objective. If one or two people around you think you're making a mistake, that's one thing- maybe they're screwed up. But you've already said that it was "a lot" of friends who have told you he's not good enough for you. I've been that friend a number of times, and the best situation out of all of them turned out to be a girl who's engaged, loves her fiancee, but had to go through TWELVE YEARS of bullshit before he finally matured to a point where they're not fighting all the time- and even now they still war more often than is healthy for most couples.

You can do better. Period.

quote:Originally posted by InimitableBallerina:

Many people around him only take time to look at him and see the negative side, and thats whats put out or said about him. That hes a prick or a snobby elitist or he has his head up his ass. I disagree with these people and think that they don't see half of the "real" him. Is this whats bringing him down? Because he puts out alot of self-confidence to me, but I think you explained that as something he just shows to make people think that.

you said it in your first post. "I have heard from a lot of my friends" Does he know all of your friends? Just think of the ratio between all the people who know him, and all the people he knows; He really knows.

There are 4 kinds of relations to people which are not your friends (just one way).

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>

<LI>People which like you for a good reason.

<LI>People which like you for a wrong reason.

<LI>People which hate you for a good reason.

<LI>People which hate you for a wrong reason.

</UL>

Just ask yourself:

For how many people you know do you think you can decide in which category they fit in?

How many people do know you?

How many people know you?

Do you care for those people which hate you for a wrong reason if you don´t know them?

I didn´t say he shows his self-confidence just to compensate his insecureness. But he doesn´t know in which category people fit in he doesn´t know. He is self-confidence, which he usually doesn´t show at first to give people a chance to show their personality or to show which kind of relation they want to have with him. But there´s a time limit. If they don´t show, the walls get up again and they get into the category useless.

There are limits in the capability for dealing with complex personalities. If people can´t deal with the complexity, if they don´t understand something, they either mystify or put it into the evil category, because that´s easier.

Obviously you´re able to deal with this complexity. You just have to know for yourself, if you´ll be capable for the complexity, which comes into life when you have to tell your friends, that he´s your friend now.

Choose life ...

behavior is a mirror in which everyone displays his image

Maybe he has some kind of anxiety problem. Just get to know him and then ask him what's wrong. Everyone deserves a chance.

Fuck him.

Figuratively, of course.

Doc