ok friends, i need some help here

my new girlfriend is absoutley awesome shes pretty, funny, everythign you ever wanted ina girl. i love her to death, but one things wrong. she once and a while brings up her ex boyfriend who died about a year ago, and when it comes up, i dont know what to say to her.

for example she said this



Sallie: I almost started to cry this am:-(

ME: why you almost cry

Sallie: Because we were talking about death n when we think God is there or when God isn't there n shit like that n it made me think of Dan which always makes me really really sad n depressed because i really liked him when he died n i can't let go:-(:-(

its liek an akward situation, so im just lookin for some advice

thanks a bunch in advance

Sometimes words really fall short. Not many brilliant things to say that would solve everything and make it better.

Compassion is always good. Tell her it's a sad situation and it takes time to stop feeling sad. Yes, it takes longer than a year. Tell her you feel lucky you haven't had to deal with the death of someone close but you could imagine it must hurt. Tell her that God is usually "there" but just not "there" in ways she may always want him/her to be.

Those are a bunch of cliches, but I find acknowledgement of someone's pain is the most appreciated.

as wonderful as it would be if you could cheer up someone whose love died by talking, you really cant. That is a gargantuan emotional trauma, and words from people who haven't been in that situation are no help.

The most you can do is let her know you are there. Be there to hold her close when she is feeling bad. Make sure she knows that she can turn to you at anytime for a shoulder to cry on.

You should check into local support groups. Some churches and community centers offer groups for those who have loved ones who have died. If you can find one, introduce her to the idea. The best help in most situations is being able to talk through your troubles with someone who has been there. Many people at those groups are beginning to get over their loss and are there to help others get through the tough times. It could be really helpful to her.

Buy a copy of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' "On Death and Dying" for both of you http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684839385/002-2858419-3334420?v=glance

Give her a candle and tell her to get over it.

My "wife"'s dad died like four years ago and she gets sad when death is brought up. One thing I noticed is it's kind of important to not rush her into getting over it. When people experience a big loss, sometimes, they don't want people to help them get over it because they assume you want them to FORGET about it. Most times it's better to just avoid this situation, but if it's really depressing her, just try to remind her of who she has left and who loves her.