Just, how the fuck do you stay out of the friend ladder? You know, friend, as opposed to boyfriend.

There are a lot of pitfalls. Um..

Don't buy her shit. Don't do her stupid little favors. Don't listen to shit she has to say about guys. Don't help her with guy problems. Don't go to her to vent. Don't put yourself down around her. Don't be shoulder to cry on. Don't always be "there" for her. But don't be an asshole.

-Nocuous

Be a complete cunt.

What the fuck is with you guys and your paranoia about the friends ladder? Any girl who's going to set you in a certain role in her life (ie. her friend) and stick to it to the point where she won't do anything with you solely because of that role isn't worth getting involved with.

Most of the time, if a girl says that she doesn't want to hook up with you because you're her friend, she's letting you down easy. You didn't have a chance in the first place. If her view of you changes, and there becomes an attraction, she'll take you off that damn ladder real quick.

I will grant one thing- familiarity breeds assumption, and if a girl isn't initially attracted to you, being her friend can make it more difficult to get her to see you in that light. She may well assume she's not attracted to you, or won't be, and something may have to shake her brain for her to realize it. But being her friend IS NOT what causes that to happen. It's the fact she gets to know you and becomes comfortable with what she feels for you initially- in other words, nothing.

There is nothing wrong with being a girl's friend. If you want to get with her, you're better off going there than making her think you're an asshole (and I am well aware of the penchant teenage girls have for going with the asshole instead of the good, nice friend). What you need to do, though, is not treat her differently than you do any of your other friends. Don't be super-nice, unless that's your normal demeanor. Don't do extra special shit for her, unless you're inclined towards doing that for any of your friends at one time or another.

There's more to it. Be a good friend to her, but keep some mysteries about yourself. Don't be totally open about things until you just HAVE to say it, no matter how much you may have wanted to pour your heart out to the first girl you get tight with. Basically, forget you like her. When neither of you thinks about the other "like that", that's when it's most likely you'll both look at each other and be like, "Oooh."

This is assuming we're talking about a girl you already have a thing for, of course. If you're talking about a girl you don't really like, but she's hot and you don't want to fuck things up potentially down the road, you're a fucking idiot. Just stick yourself on the friends ladder now, because you're not going to get her.

^^Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Nice summary!

Edit: Was referring to Nocuous's post.

Edit again: Spiffy's post is a well-thought out, detailed explanation. Kudos!



[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 01-31-2004).]

But but but mine was good too!

Edit: Yay!

[This message has been edited by Spiffy McBang (edited 01-31-2004).]