Hi,

There's this girl taht I like, Holly, and basically I want to find out if she likes me, then ask her out, etc... I'll just start at the begining: I've liked her a for a little while now, and I'm not sure if she likes me. I told her about a month or so a go that I liked her, and she said that she "didn't really want a relationship right now, but she thinks that we should definatly become better friends, and see where it goes form there." I'm kind of confused about that. I've got 2 classes with her, and I talk to her before class starts in both of those, I also talk to her at basketball and football games. We flirt a little bit in class, but I'm not sure if she's just returning my flirting just to be nice. I've talked to her on the phone before, and talk online and try to talk to her when I see her during the day. From what I can tell, it seems like she may like me, I'm just unsure. For one thing, she does make eye contact with me and laugh at my stupid jokes, she also flirts back, don't know abuot that though, and occasionally messes with her hair when I talk to her. I've search the forum and read about every post related to women that I can find, and have tried to look out for things that I've read. A few of you guys, especially EasyGoing, have good advice, as does deadlycindy. I'm just curious as to whether or not I should bring what I told her back up, or just leave it be. I'm kind of afraid of being stuck in the friendzone.

Sorry to make another post about this, but I'm quite confused as to what to do, and respect yalls opinions. Well, most of yalls. I really like this girl, and I'm not after a piece of ass and she's not a doornob.

Thanks for any and all advice.

Dave

I think she likes you. Go for it, champ.

Heh, why do you guys always have to know if she likes ya or not before asking her out? Just ask. So she says she doesn't want a relationship for now. Going out hardly constitutes a relationship. If she declines but doesn't avoid you, carry on as usual and ask again in a week or so.

How does she "flirt" back? Does she touch you? Does she talk about other guys? Don't try to read too much into signals, since everyone seems to speak their own language in this regard.

I think the best way to stay out of the friend zone is simply not to be her friend. This doesn't mean being rude to her, it simply means that you don't tolerate discussions of other guys, or "be there" for her when some other guy is mean to her. Don't do her favors and don't buy her things.

Just do your best to present your good side. Try not to complain, put yourself down or insult people around her. These things are turn-offs for many females.

Thanks for the advice, mostly deadlycindy.

I'm just kind of shy towards girls, and fear rejection. I'm just kinda afraid that if I bring it back up, whether she says no or not, she'll think I'm some kind of freak for not letting it go. It took me alot to even call her and talk to her. I'm by no means like this in other aspecs of my life, I've got to be one of the cockiest people I know when it comes to hockey. She doesn't talk about other guys to me, and she does touch me, but wont initiate it. Thanks for the rest of the advice.

[This message has been edited by N6193J (edited 01-30-2004).]

Try not to complain, put yourself down or insult people around her. These things are turn-offs for many females.

*Makes mental note to stop putting myself down infront of her*

Thanks, It's amazing how guys just pass around the same info time after time.



[This message has been edited by N6193J (edited 01-30-2004).]

You're a little low in the self-confidence department. We can work on that. All it takes is practice, and learning to not be terrified of being rejected. You, we, all of us get rejected from time to time.. it's part of the 'dating process'. It hurts, it sucks, it lowers your self esteem, but it's unavoidable. Brad Pitt probably doesn't have this happen as much as you or I but you catch my meaning.

My experience has been that when a girl says she doesn't really want to get into a relationship right now, what she means is "you're kind of cute but not really what I was looking for." An easy let-down. It happens, and if I'm right at least she shows compassion in not wanting to hurt your feelings. Be her friend anyway. If you can't be someone's friend because you want a relationship with her and she doesn't feel the same way it makes you shallow.

If she IS interested in you then you'll pick up on it soon enough. Maybe she just wants to get to know you better before she commits to anything. Try finding common interests you two may have and exploit them. Don't become overly intrusive in her daily life but make yourself a fixture by which she can interact with you if she chooses to do so and see where it leads. If you see her wearing a nice dress that makes her look particularly good compliment her on it, she'll appreciate that. Or her hair or whatever. Have fun and report back..

-Extant

From one pilot to another, go for it, ask her out again. If she says no, oh-well, there is probably better women in your town or a near by airport....

Some great advice so far but I still feel like I should put my two cents in because being in high school still, I think I can relate.

To me, it sounds like you’re in first year? Maybe second? Still new with girls? They're confusing, especially in high school...that's for damn sure.

Ok, so you asked her out once and she said "she doesn't want a relationship right now". That could mean that she doesn't want a relationship right now or she could have been letting you down easy. I think if she wanted a relationship now, you would know it. You say you're getting signals, are they strong? What does your gut tell you?



I've been there before, and I tell you if I could do grade 9 over again- I would definitely bite the bullet. It can be great. That twisty feeling in your stomach that makes you want to puke, feeling so short of breath you almost feel faint. Man, that's the greatest feeling on earth. And the problem is, it determinates with experience. So maybe it'd be best just to go for it, even if the odds are worse than 50/50.

What have ya got to lose? You only live once, and you only do high school once. Unless you're a moron. Go for it!

-Nocuous

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:

Some great advice so far but I still feel like I should put my two cents in because being in high school still, I think I can relate.

To me, it sounds like you’re in first year? Maybe second? Still new with girls? They're confusing, especially in high school...that's for damn sure.

Ok, so you asked her out once and she said "she doesn't want a relationship right now". That could mean that she doesn't want a relationship right now or she could have been letting you down easy. I think if she wanted a relationship now, you would know it. You say you're getting signals, are they strong? What does your gut tell you?



I've been there before, and I tell you if I could do grade 9 over again- I would definitely bite the bullet. It can be great. That twisty feeling in your stomach that makes you want to puke, feeling so short of breath you almost feel faint. Man, that's the greatest feeling on earth. And the problem is, it determinates with experience. So maybe it'd be best just to go for it, even if the odds are worse than 50/50.

What have ya got to lose? You only live once, and you only do high school once. Unless you're a moron. Go for it!

-Nocuous

Meh. I'm a first year, and it sucks...

Just have fun with relationships first year...don't worry about doing everything right, you HAVE to make mistakes to figure out who you are. Don't forget though, you can learn just as much from observing others ruin and build relationships as you could from being involved in ruins and constructive relationships.

quote:Originally posted by Cytract:

Meh. I'm a first year, and it sucks...

Everyone's first year sucks. Second year you're less uncomfortable; you've made new friends and found your niche. I hated my first year. Second year was hilarious... I never had much luck with girls but man I tore that place up...sorry off topic.

-Nocuous

Thanks for all the advice guys...

I didn't see her today, we've been out all week for snow, and the 2 hour delay screwed the classes that I would have had with her. I may as well give her a call tonight, last time I told her on IM. In talking to friends, it seems like doing it in person or in voice is better than doing it online, kind of more personal. Maybe it is that I lack a little self confidence, but just in this area. I mean, I'm borderline cocky about sports, although I try to not to act like this around other people, just guys that I play hockey with and friends. I think I read somewhere on this forum that a bit of cockyness is okay, but not to get out of hand with it because that makes you seem arrogant.

It's not that I don't want to be friends with her, 'cause that really is shallow. Problem is I've got plenty of "girlfriends" that I can talk to and act myself with, hell sometimes you even foret they're not guys.

Yes, I'm in 9th. I don't know to many people at Grimsley, I went to the main feeder school in 6th, but to a different school for 7th and 8th. There was only about 10 of us that came over from there, and I'm friends with all them. This girl that I like was about the only girl that I even knew by name coming over to highschool. I didn't really have trouble with girls or making friends with them in middle school, but that was a whole 'nother ball game.

Thanks again.

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:

Everyone's first year sucks.





I am also a first year and I think it rules, I am highly involved in the crime world so maybe that makes it better for me but I think it is pretty cool. but yea, dude, if you get rejected don't worry about it, it's not like you will never meet another girl in your whole life...but if you really feel for her, like the love thing then I would not risk it for awhile, just get closer, become friends with her friends, Some how "bump," into her parents, make a good impression, then her parents will mention you at her dinner table, that will encourage her a little more, and if you make friends with her friends then she will not worry about her friends ragging on her about going out with you, I always thought that was one of the worst parts about going out with a girl I liked is that my friends would give me shit all the time because they did not like her, That's it for me....

NCJ : this is really weird but urm.. your situation.. is 90% the same as mine..... really it is...

my whole face turn solemn when i see what you've written because it reflected on myself.

since we are both almost on the same boat, what i will tell you is that, do not ask again.. because if u do, u will hurt yourself because girls really are strange creatures.. she says " doesn't want to go into relationship right now" , but she's treating you like that, it is very contridicting yes, but sorry she is indeed just returning you the favour..

that's the only thing i can tell you, because i don't even know what to do right now, i'm facing the same fuckin problem..

She might just be making you her little bitch and flirting with you to make someone else jealous, but if she acts the same way when you two are alone, then I would go for it. I am a junior in my high school and I can say one thing, if she likes you she might be flirting in an attempt to get you to ask her out because she is too shy. This is most likely the truth if the flirting has just started recently. I am bi so trust me I have had my share of relationships with other chicks and I know how their minds work (and also partly cuz I am a chick). If she likes you as a friend and you do go for it then she won't stop being your friend, she will most likely take it as a complement, even if she doesn't return your feelings.

She acts the same when not around others too. ONe example, we're in the media center for Civics, working by ourselves, I pick a computer pretty far away from the rest, and our class, and she comesover to the one next to me. She could have picked about 6 closer groups of computers, but she picked the one next to me. I figured it was most likely because the others were full, but thiking back, they were about 70% empty. I decided I'm goin' to call her sometime this weekend. Thanks for the advice and for sharing personal experiences.

SO why is your username a King Air 90? I know if I flew one, I would hit on every chick I saw... Use the I'm a pilot line, chicks dig it. They think your Tom Cruise, but maybe I'm being a jerk.

Cause it's a typo, it's mean tto be N6913J, an Archer, but I created this at about 2 in the morning, so the numbers were kinda fuzzy.

NJ: there's a high possiblity that she will say okay to your request of a date.. but if u are going to ask her for her hand, better be careful.. because a lot of unexpected answers may appear..

that's one advice i can give you.. make sure only when u are 100% sure that she's not gonna reject you....

trust me on that bro, remember we're on the same boat..

ask her on a date. you don't have to necisarily ask her out, just on a date. go somewhere crony like minigolfing or bowling. movies suck for a first date cuz there's no talking going on, talking is what gets her to become more comfirtable with you.

Ok. I was just planing on going to the movies, 'cause that's what I usually do and works. I guess it wouldn't hurt to do something different.

valentine's day is coming, what are u gonna do on that day ?

take a fucking chance you moron, where are you gonna be if you people don't take fucking chances! you'll get nowhere! shit! fucking ... overly shy and cautious freaks.

quote:Originally posted by N6193J:

A few of you guys, especially EasyGoing, have good advice, as does deadlycindy.



HELL NO DUDE I CANT BELIEVE YOU LEFT OUT NOCUOUS. HE GIVES BETTER ADVICE THAN ANYBODY ON TOTSE.

Geesh, some of you guys are pretty testy. I had just read a few of the archived posts, and EasyGoing had a lot of good advice. I only named 2 people, not like I singled out Nocous; although, I agree with you, he does offer good advice.

Heh, thanks. But to be fair, Easy Going and deadlycindy know their shit a hell of a lot better than I do. I'm still young, give me time.

-Nocuous

EDIT: tpyo

[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 02-02-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:

Heh, thanks. But to be fair, Easy Going and deadlycindy no their shit a hell of a lot better than I do. I'm still young, give me time.

-Nocuous

ok, this is getting too easy. as much as i enjoy this game, im gonna quit. you english professors are far too brilliant for me.

Goddamn it. It's a typo. Relax. I never claimed you *can't* use proper grammar; I said you were ignorant for not doing it when you so obviously can.

What's worse, someone who makes mistakes and yet continues to try and better themselves, or someone to lazy to even try to achieve the level they are capable of?

With that being said, can we stop ruining topics now? I understand we'll have to co-exist on the same forum, why can't we do it peacefully? We could chase each other around nit-picking and attacking whenever possible. But I for one would get much more satisfaction out of learning and teaching.

-Nocuous

[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 02-02-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:



What's worse, someone who makes mistakes and yet continues to try and better themselves, or someone to lazy to even try to achieve the level they are capable of?

-Nocuous

but heres the thing: i dont have anything to prove. ive done my school work, ive proven i can use english in the correct way. i just do not see an internet forum as a showcase for my schooling. to look at it a different way: i played baseball all through school and was fairly good. i could go to family picnics and really dominate a casual softball game by playing my best and making every effort to win, just as i did in school. however, i dont do that. why? because it simply isnt necessary. instead of stealing bases and being a ball hog to make up for others lesser play, i just let it go. i dont feel the need to show everyone just how good i am/was or feel the need to win that badly in a pick up game. make sense?

and you are right, we dont need to keep up with these pissing matches. its already grown tiresome and it really isnt getting anyone anywhere. we can call a truce and go our seperate ways.

Well I think you should listen to nocuous' advice. Ask her out. GIVE HER SPACE. Be yourself <-- very important!! you'll be more comfortable around her, and you seem an ok guy. Besides it looks like you've been yourself but its worth noting anyway.

Im a firm believer in the "being nice thing" although being an asshole applies to some girls I dont thinks it applies to Holly. So just be nice (dont overachieve). If she happens to decline the date well just say "ok, maybe some other time" like it doesnt really matter whilst keeping a smile. This will make you look fresh and confident. And in this case (the 'I like her and Im not sure if she likes me situation') CONFIDENCE IS KEY. If she says 'yes' just do something relaxed where you can talk and have fun. Whatever the outcome just learn and enjoy.

Dont ever act jelaous! not until shes your girlfriend I mean. Feb 14 is coming up, this is a great time for dating someone, the whole valentine propaganda sort of gets to me although I hate to admit it hehe. Maybe it'll get to Holly too.

Good luck m8

-tijs

Thanks all. I think I'm gonna go for it. After all, as nocous stated, you only live once. i've got nothing to lose, so why not go for it. A couple of you suggested to just ask for a date instead of well yeah. I think I'm gonna do that, ask her if she wants to do something, kinda hang out and get to know each other better. Bowling, miniture golf, both sound good.

quote:...I CANT BELIEVE YOU LEFT OUT NOCUOUS. HE GIVES BETTER ADVICE THAN ANYBODY ON TOTSE.

Nocuous gets my vote for next mod, after Sarc, of course. Even when he makes fun of me he's amusing and clever.

N6193J...please follow up and let us know how things turn out!

i'm going to operate on the assumption that i'm not too late here and drop a little piece of highschool getting dates advice on you, my god is that poor grammar. Anyhow, after my first year i never had much trouble talking to/flirting with girls. In fact the hunt, if you will, is often nearly as much fun as succeeding in your goal. One way i used to use to tell if a girl is interested in me is to get on the old AIM, which you said you use to talk to her. Now if she's on don't IM her, just sit around and wait, even if no one is talking to you, read a book, listen to music, post on TOTSE, whatever. Wait a few minutes and if she IMs you, you know you're doing something right, if not you've got more work to do. For younger kids with less experience it's usually a lot easier to flirt online than in person, try a few bolder moves over ye olde internet and make sure you talk to her in school, smile at her and say hi when she passes you in the halls, be a nice guy and keep flirting. Offer chances for physical contact which is also usually a good indicator of mutual interest.

Good luck bud, post the results.

There are a lot of dumb bastards in this post. I'd say the only decent advice I've seen is from deadlycindy and nocuous.

I'd have to say the only thing I'd add to follow-up would be to go for it. Do whatever you want because it really doesn't matter in the end. I know you may think "she's special" and "I might ruin it if I do anything now" and all that, but fuck that. You're the man, you make the rules, and you show Holly who's boss.

Any examples of bolder moves? Here's what I plan on doing: Their selling some kinda flowers at school until monday, So I'm gonna get her, and another friend or two a flower. After I know she should have gotten it, I'll ask her about it. If it doesn't go so well, I'll say they were just for friends, that's why I didn't get just her one. IF that doesn't work, there's other girls that I KNOW like me, and I'll work on them. No sense on getting all worked up over nothing.

'Atta boy. Not a bad plan, actually.

i have that same problem. she makes eye contact with me and we just like stare at eachother but i dont know if she likes me or not. i know how you feel and i dont know what to do either so your not alone. i wish i could help you

rapsucks2690: tell us your problem as well =)

it seems that this thread is going to be on those guys out there having problems on relationships.. this is funny..

NJ : i agree on the " don't try to read too much signals " because each person has their own language.. what u think may not be what u think it ought to be..

anyway, what i think is that be youself, and do what your guts tells u too.. no harm trying.. and u actually will gain a few experience and some things abt yourself through her...