I'm 16 and I frequently hang out with my friend whos a guy who's 22. hes staying here temporarily (he's from germany) but he speaks english really well. i've gotten to know him pretty well and we talk a lot about personal stuff. we've talked about pretty much everything. he has a girlfriend in germany who he's really tired of. he wants to break up with her but he doesn't know how to end the relationship. he's a very sweet, intelligent, nice man and i'm very attracted to him. i want to make a move but there are some problems. 1) the age difference, 2)i don't want to ruin our friendship, 3)i don't know if he's attracted.

last night we stayed up until 1am talking in his room about everything and then he walked me home and gave me a hug for the first time. (he's usually not the touchy-feely type.) i like him but i dont know what to do. any advice?

That's a very big age difference ...

you really think so?

i'd say it depends on how you think your parents would take it. If he were 36 and you were 30 it wouldn't be a big deal but when one partner is a teenager and the other partner is, legally, an adult it makes things awkward. Especially when you factor int he physical aspects of relationships. If he lives in Germany that's a pretty long distance relationship on top of the age thing, i'd say give it a whole lot of thought if you really want to go through with it.

well he was only planning on staying here for about 6 months but now that he's gotten to know us he likes it here and wants to go to college here so he might be staying for a while, like several years.

and my parents would freak out. we'd have to keep it on the DL.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 01-29-2004).]

It stands to reason that if you two get along fine as friends that there isn't much of a difference in maturity, so screw the age issue. Sometimes it's only numbers.

Talk to him. Don't try any 'moves' that might lead to embarrassment if he's really not interested. Just spill your interest and see what he has to say about it. The worst he can say is that he just wants to remain friends... nothing to lose.

Wait two years until it's not a crime, then think about this again. That's all I can tell you. If the age weren't a problem I'd tell you just to give him hints and see waht he does.

I've learned not to touch such guys with a ten-foot pole. "Such guys" defined as those who are still in relationships and are dithering about ending it. I don't care how "sweet" he seems to be--it's cruel to consider another relationship without making a clean break on one's own.

Trust me...if he does it to her, he'll do the exact same to you. He'll become bored with you, but not bother telling you, yet in his spare time he'll be prepping the next gal.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

you really think so?

Its not that big of a difference in itself, but since you are a teenager and he's an adult, it is more of a big deal.

Basically what The Misfit said...

It's better to wait until your 18. If for some reason your parents find out(and 'rents have an annoying way of always finding out) and they don't like it, legal action could be taken. That's just the legal hassle though. About the guy, listen to deadlycindy she sounds right.

~ES

thanks guys. i think i'll take your advice and stay friends with him. anyway he is nice just to have as a pal.

-->lauren