so we're still having that problem where my girlfriend is still scared to orgasm. I'm not entirely sure why. I KNOW I'm doing the right things, because she loves what I'm doing (and she would tell me to change it if there was something wrong), but when we get really close (and I can see all the signs like tightening, shaking, fast breathing, excessive wettness, etc...) she gets really scared and either asks me to stop, or she just starts crying. I asked her why she thought this was happening and she just said that she feels really scared. now, this usually happens when I'm giving her oral, because I suppose thats what feels the best overall (you know, with the clit and all, blah blah blah.).

we've tried a few things, like having me just keep going, but she gets really really scared, and all the crying and everything I cant take. it just kills me that I'M making her cry like that, because its not just crying, its like terrified whimpering, sort of. when I move up to face level, she just grabs me and holds on to me as hard as she can. I've re-assured her that nothing bad is going to happen, and that I'm not going to leave her no matter what, and that I'm going to take care of her and all that sort of stuff. I think its just how people are afraid of things they dont understand. she says that the biggest thing thatscares her is how she doesnt know how its going to feel. I tried exlaining it to her (but of course, thats wasnt very easy). I know we're VERY close to her climaxing, like less than a minute away, but she just wont let me continue. by the way, she wants to orgasm. it might sound like this is just me, but she wants to.

basically, I just want some advice on what I can tell her, or do, or whatever, to make it easier for her. I'm willing to take whatever time and effort is required. I love her, and she deserves to feel this good. thanks for any advice you guys might have.



ps. please dont say anything about ME doing something wrong, because I KNOW I'm not. she's said that everything is perfect, and that its just her scaredness.

it don't sound like you have the prob is yuor about to make her cum.

its a bit odd. tell her what you posted maybe. you love her (obviously) and that you want her to feel that good and it would make YOU so happy for her to go through with it. maybe if she knows that it's not just about her its about you too she will be more inclined.

just my 2 cents.

perhaps it's some sort of past emotional problem that's making her fear orgasming. was she abused? pyschically or mentally?

both are very good suggestions, although niether work for me:

we've been together for over 2 years (sorry, I should have mentioned that before), so theres nothing we dont know about each other. she KNOWS I love her. I think a part of it is that she doesnt want to disapoint me (actually, she SAID she doesnt want to disapoint me, but I think I got her to not feel bad anymore about that). I've told her that I'll still love her no matter what happens, whether she comes or not.

also, as I said, we know everything there is to know about eachother, so she would have told me by now if anything abusive had happened to her. I'm her first boyfrind. I;m practically the only person shes even kissed, so I'm pretty sure its nothing about prior relationships (since they dont exist). and not to be crude or anything, but none of her family members see to be like that, and again, she would have said something by now.

anyways, those were good ideas, so keep 'em coming! (no pun intended...really)

I don't know if there's anything you can do. You can't overpower her mind if it's determined enough to keep her from having an orgasm. Once she has the first one, everything will be good... but the longer this takes, the more pressure she'll feel, and the harder it will be to make it happen.

My suggestion is thus: Use stealth and subtlety to your advantage. Go slow, kiss her, etc., never getting away from being face-to-face. Once she's naked, stay there and pay very little attention to her clit, but don't ignore it. In essence, don't make that the focus of what you're doing. Touch her everywhere, and very slowly increase your contact with her erogenous zones (both the obvious ones and any ones you know of that are unique to her).

The idea- and I emphasize that this is only an idea, since there's no way to know what she'll react well to- is that, unlike when you're trying to get her off, she'll simply be enjoying what you're doing. If she's playing with you, so much the better, as it means her level of self-consciousness should be lowered. When this works, she'll either start to orgasm or reach the point of no return before she realizes what's happening and freezes up.

Remember- you are stealthy ninja of love. You will master the clitoris. Hai.

[This message has been edited by Spiffy McBang (edited 01-29-2004).]

maybe she needs to experience it on her own before she can do it with you. she probably needs to masturbate to have her first orgasm. that way she's in control. after that she'll probably be fine with you getting her off, once she's used to the experience.

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:



Remember- you are stealthy ninja of love.

(edited 01-29-2004).]

thank you. I will remember that.

I'm positive that after the first time, it will be no problem at all. I'll just try a few things tomorrow night, and hopefully it will go well.

even if it take a long time for her to be able to orgasm, she says that she still really really loves what we do. oh well. thanks.