I was riding in a bus with my friends when we start talking about funny sexual techniques. I got to thinking about writing a pamphlet about these gross sexual techniques and sother funny sexually related things, I'm about to post the ones I have so far, I believe that these are not nearly enough and I question the validity of some of these (namely the donkey punch and dirty sanchez). So if you could correct these and also add some more, I would really appreciate it anyways, here are all the ones I have:

The Zorro:

When you bust a nut on your partner while moving your penis in a zigzag motion, the end result is a big white "Z" on their face.

The Dirty Sanchez:

When you're doing it doggy style and you take a small amount of shit from either your or your partner's anus and then wipe it across their upper lip.

The Teabag:

when you dip your testicles into somebody else's mouth either with or without their consent

The London Goggles:

when you take your wet testicles (either from water, sweat or saliva) and put them on another person's eyes

The Eyepatch:

Much like the London Goggles, but it only goes on one eye, also can be done dry.

The Donkey Punch:

Two versions I have heard of.

A) while doing it doggy style you punch your partner right in the kidney, supposedly tightening them up right before you blow your load

B) while doing it doggy style you punch your partner in the back of the head, thus making them arch their backs in pain as you bust your nut.

The Snailskin Watch:

When somebody asks you what time it is, you drop your pants and wrap you penis around your wrist, thus giving the impression that it is a watch, proceed to tell them the time.

The Anal Feltcher:

Usually for gays but can be done to a girl. After busting your nut in your partner's ass, pull out get out a swirly straw and suck out all of the semen, out of their anus.

The Chinese Dragon:

When getting a BJ tell them when you are about to cum, which will most likely make them pull up, when they do this push their head all the way down to your shaft and blow it into their throat. If you do it quick enough, some of the semen will go up their throat and out their nostrils thus making them look like a dragon breathing fire.

Snowballing:

Bust a nut into your partner's mouth. Make them roll it into a little ball. Then have them stick out their tounge and roll it out onto your or another person's tounge.

the Jizz Fake:

When you are about to cum while doing it doggy style, spit on their back, making them turn around in anger. At that moment, pull out and blow your load all over their face, totaly surprising them

The Slip and Dip:

Very simple move, While having sex, wait until your penis is sufficiently lubricated and then pull out and move to their asshole.

NRB (pronounced "Nerb"):

No Reason Boner, when you pop a woody for no reason, it happens to everybody.



I wasn't sure whether to post this in S&A or here on spurious, but I decided that this is weird and random enough to go in spurious. If you mods disagree feel free to switch it...

You're posting this in the wrong forum and you're an idiot. Begone.

Points at El Axon

Haw Haw!

I love you snoopy!

i wish there was a forum here on totse where members could discuss "sex and affection" *sigh*

fine assholes, I'll move it

quote:Originally posted by ContractKiller:

i wish there was a forum here on totse where members could discuss "sex and affection" *sigh*

well those are sex, but not affection

Ah...the Chinese Dragon...That brings back memories...

quote:Originally posted by El Axon:

fine assholes, I'll move it

Just delete it. This has no educational merit, and it won't promote any discussion besides school yard giggling. Seriously S&A doesn't want this crap, trust me.

I think that the fact that most of these acts are done without consent or knowledge makes it so that there is no "Affection involved" and I doubt there is too much if any "Sex" involved in most eithr especially if you went to the Bill Clinton school of Sex Ed! So I think it does deserve to stay here on S&G for a while at least!

Its a whole lot better than some of the crap latly thats not fit to be posted on...well not fit to be posted period! At least he tried to make an effort to entertain!

quote:Originally posted by Mackofett:

I think that the fact that most of these acts are done without consent or knowledge makes it so that there is no "Affection involved" and I doubt there is too much if any "Sex" involved in most eithr especially if you went to the Bill Clinton school of Sex Ed! So I think it does deserve to stay here on S&G for a while at least!

Its a whole lot better than some of the crap latly thats not fit to be posted on...well not fit to be posted period! At least he tried to make an effort to entertain!



thats what i said, jsut not that many words

There's a certian amount of affection in a dirty sanchez...

um...

well...

there was no mention of a Cleveland steamer, or the rusty trombone.

Ah, finaly some results!

ok, I know all about the cleveland steamer, it's already included, I just forgot to post it here.

Now can you please tell me what a rusty trombone is?

or any other ones you can think of while you're at it?

Here in Romania we get drunk and make new techniques up!Like the"hatz" ,wen you get the chick put her nipple in your A-Hole,you squeeze your but and go around the house with her..I actualy did that.. Sick!Another is something a pall of mine did.He got a girl-for-hire and gave her..(about 5 us$) to lick the carpet ) a "carpet-muncher", get it.. gotta get normal... NEEEEEEEEE! :P