I was riding in a bus with my friends when we start talking about funny sexual techniques. I got to thinking about writing a pamphlet about these gross sexual techniques and sother funny sexually related things, I'm about to post the ones I have so far, I believe that these are not nearly enough and I question the validity of some of these (namely the donkey punch and dirty sanchez). So if you could correct these and also add some more, I would really appreciate it anyways, here are all the ones I have:

The Zorro:

When you bust a nut on your partner while moving your penis in a zigzag motion, the end result is a big white "Z" on their face.

The Dirty Sanchez:

When you're doing it doggy style and you take a small amount of shit from either your or your partner's anus and then wipe it across their upper lip.

The Teabag:

when you dip your testicles into somebody else's mouth either with or without their consent

The London Goggles:

when you take your wet testicles (either from water, sweat or saliva) and put them on another person's eyes

The Eyepatch:

Much like the London Goggles, but it only goes on one eye, also can be done dry.

The Donkey Punch:

Two versions I have heard of.

A) while doing it doggy style you punch your partner right in the kidney, supposedly tightening them up right before you blow your load

B) while doing it doggy style you punch your partner in the back of the head, thus making them arch their backs in pain as you bust your nut.

The Snailskin Watch:

When somebody asks you what time it is, you drop your pants and wrap you penis around your wrist, thus giving the impression that it is a watch, proceed to tell them the time.

The Anal Feltcher:

Usually for gays but can be done to a girl. After busting your nut in your partner's ass, pull out get out a swirly straw and suck out all of the semen, out of their anus.

The Chinese Dragon:

When getting a BJ tell them when you are about to cum, which will most likely make them pull up, when they do this push their head all the way down to your shaft and blow it into their throat. If you do it quick enough, some of the semen will go up their throat and out their nostrils thus making them look like a dragon breathing fire.

Snowballing:

Bust a nut into your partner's mouth. Make them roll it into a little ball. Then have them stick out their tounge and roll it out onto your or another person's tounge.

the Jizz Fake:

When you are about to cum while doing it doggy style, spit on their back, making them turn around in anger. At that moment, pull out and blow your load all over their face, totaly surprising them

The Slip and Dip:

Very simple move, While having sex, wait until your penis is sufficiently lubricated and then pull out and move to their asshole.

NRB (pronounced "Nerb"):

No Reason Boner, when you pop a woody for no reason, it happens to everybody.

You already posted this you dumb ass. No one cares about your gay shit.

Ah, the good ol' Cleveland steamer.

Actually, there's a fucked-up glossary with those terms on some web site that you could look at instead of posting your shit here. Too bad I forgot what it was.

try : www.dirtyproverbs.com (http://www.dirtyproverbs.com)

or www.urbandictionary.com (http://www.urbandictionary.com)

both of those have non-sexual stuff on them, but most of the "odd" sexual shit is on them.

The Degenerate Dictionary

Volume I



1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, (her, on her back, you straddle her chest) you proceed to shit on her chest--just for the hell of it. She then becomes the "Lunch Lady."

2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

3. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This should give you a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.

4. Golden Shower - Any form of dropping piss all over a girl.

5. Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.

6. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty woman and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

7. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you pull your penis back slightly before poking it back into the inside of her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to that of a purple mushroom.

8. The Flying Camel - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like you would imagine a flying camel to sound like. Strictly a class move.

9. Fishhook - A variation of "The Shocker" (an uninvited digit placed in the girl's anus ) in which, with the finger still up there, you "hook" back in the direction the pussy. No real purpose here other than to think to yourself while doing it, "ahhh yes the Fishhook......". Another variation called the "New Jersey Meathook" involves sticking your uninvited digit in the girl's anus while ****ing her from behind. You finger is then turned upward toward her back and you pull her entire body toward you over and over while she is sliding on your cock.

10. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.

11. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

12. Felching - It occurs after you have been sticking your babe in the can, you bust your nut in there, back up and then pucker your lips up to her rim and suck out your ranch dressing. (This is also the first step of a very advanced maneuver called the Halmstad Hook).

13. Tossing Salad - One person simply chows box or asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. lettuce, tomatoes, croutons, vinegar and oil, etc.

14. The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits and or a large lock of hair as tight as possible and yell another girl's name or state "Ya know your by far the ugliest girl I ever ****ed". This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.



15. Pink glove - This frequently happens during a marathon session (maybe a second round) when a girl is simply not wet enough. When you give up and attempt to pull out to give her money or whatever, the inside of her twatsticks to your hog like the inside of a leather glove. Thus, the pink glove

16. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing. Then spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and its. (Better in her bed). This is also a variation of the first stage of a Cleveland Steamer to be described later.

17. New York Style Taco - (Also known as a wet Betsy) - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. All the fixin's.

18. The Durty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name could be Dirty Sanchez. A very popular European variation of this maneuver called "The Hitler" involves a simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler's mustache.

19. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a "Fish Eye."

20. Tuna Melt - Lights out, you're down on a chick lapping away at an unusually juicy slab when you discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. A man of honor, by no means do you stop. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. (this only work with chicks who REALLY cum hard).

21. Pole Vault - Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1979 Olympics.

22. Furr Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, you don't mind though, that is until a mammoth furr ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

23. The Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty **** her.

24. A Hot Carl - A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this.

25. The Cleveland Steamer - Mentioned above in #16. After dumping your load on and around her chest--you position your ass just above your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a genuine Cleveland steam ship. As you make the loud noise you slide in your spunk from her chest to her bush smearing a spunk trail on her body in your wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more authentic the steam whistle sound, the better.

26. The Halmstad Hook - As mentioned above in #12. This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to your mouth--the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.

The Degenerate Dictionary

Volume II



1. Tea Bag - This act requires some additional tools: a handset from your neighbors phone, a rubber mallet from his tool box, and while your in his garage you might as well take his softball. These objects or ones similar should work well. Oooh ya don't forget a piece of lemon. As she lies on her back, you straddle her on your knees. Once your facing your opponents hairy patch, start to shove one object at a time into her hole (unlubricated works best). The pain or the embarrassment should keep her mouth open for quite a while. By the time you get to the softball she should be ready. While crouching over her proceed to dip your nuts into her mouth. Bite some lemon while doing this and continue the process. You are now tea bagging the slob.

2. Mudslide - For those with access to a garden hose, try a Mudslide. When your ho's drunk as Dean Martin sometime, pull your meatbag out of her kornhole and quickly jam the hose up the vacant cavity. Turn on the faucet full blast and stand back. Before you know it her eyes will bug out and a flow of Haitian river water will stain your sheets. I suggest writing her name in big red letters and hanging the sheet on the front of your house for all to see. For added pleasure, call her a dumb **** and jerk off in her eyes. She'll thank you.

3. The Mugger - Some how your cock ends up in some hogs mouth and an unwanted thumb ends up in your chute. You retaliate back at your opponent by releasing a gust of swamp ass. You can guarantee that she would have rather been hit in the face with pepper spray.

4. Skull Cap - Your sitting on a couch or chair (preferably watching Baywatch). She's in front on her knees with your sack in her mouth. While she is sucking... you are stroking. As you begin your joyous release, grab the base of your shaft and (as hard as you can) tattoo her farhead with your cock. When done properly a full impression of a mushroom should be left on her bean.

5. Stumpin - (caution, this move requires imagination and balance). As you hover over a quadruple amputee, carefully insert what's left of her arms up your ass while using her knarled thighs to whack off. This should produce a stream of spunk which should land where a normal persons feet would be. You've now been stumpin.

6. The Circus Seal - press the twins to one side of your sack and let them fall from the hole in your BVD's. This should produce a beachball effect (painting your tool bag is optional). Proceed to straddle your dates face and pummel her nose with your bag of marbles. This works best when performed with a relative.

7. Slim Shaddy - This is when two cock chuggers get stuck together while riding the mudpole (similar to when two dogs get stuck). If you ever come across this situation... DONT IGNORE IT. Check the room and see if there's a third shit eater (there probably is). After you find him rip his meat bag off and jam it down his throat. Take your time and make sure he swallows every ounce of his own nut sauce. As for the other two "Faaags" put a leash around the lead "mo" and drag them both into a van or pick-up truck. Proceed to the worst part of town and dump them off. This act of deviance is not sexual but it sure is fun.

8. The Gummy Bear - is easily performed on a sleeping grandmother. While the old bag is in a pharmaceutical haze with her teeth in a glass, straddle her wrinkled mug and jam your naughty boy down her throat (through her gums) blowing your jack down her withered esophagus. If she wakes up, just tell her she forgot to take her pills and you were helping her. A fun variation on this is to turn around just as she wakes up, put her dentures in your ass and start screaming at her like a wild talking asshole (which, of course, you are).

9. The Pit Stop - You've spent all night boozing and courting a local slob, now it's time to go back to her place. Wrap up the chit chat by jamming junior down her throat. When her lips are wrapped good and tight around your meat whistle, let loose with that piss that's been building for hours. Her look of horror would normally be enough reward, but as she evacuates, her coughing and your continual stream will mark all of your territory, leaving you with even greater satisfaction. You won't be able to stop, so if she chases you, make sure the pursuit leads you to every corner of her abode, she'll appreciate your lawn sprinkler imitation.



10. ET - Next time you've got some dumb-ass **** puppet ready to go, grab her purse and excuse yourself to the can while the drunken whore waits, lost in her own tangled bush. Get her mother's (or husband's) phone number from her purse while making fake shit noises. Flush the toilet for effect then grab the cordless phone on the way back to bed. As soon as you find yourself stabbing her bucket with your jonny, dial the number and hold the phone near her head with same hand your pulling hair with and bang away. Make sure you mention her name and ask her things like, "Who's the biggest whore in the world?" and "You like fat cocks up your dirt road don't you?". Then throw the phone on the bed and tell it's for her. A nice topper to this maneuver is to take her money and throw her outside nude and lock the door. I like to threaten to kill her if I ever see her again. You might have your own closing. Have fun. Be creative.

11. The Wooden Indian - Next time your banging a gook, stuff an old dime store wooden Indian up her **** 'till she's dead. Then throw her in front of a truck. I call this the wooden Indian I think you will too. Great around the holidays. In the event an officer of the law should catch you, just mutter incoherently about Pearl Harbor and Nazis. You're sure to get off.

12. Oscars Treat - This ones for the outdoor enthusiasts: Make sure your next "first time" date is on the night before trash day. As you greet the "ho" at her front door you tell her that because of your OCD you have a ritual you must perform before you begin the date. Being the gentleman that you appear to be she obliges. Before the tuna machine knows what hit her, grab the rope from the front seat of your truck and hog tie her to the curbside mailbox. Quickly strip her rotten, and with the respect of a sailor on leave... fill every orifice with the nearby garbage. After giving her a few rabbit punches, spank one out in the mailbox and go home.

13. The Pitchfork - Pick up any Stevie Wonder lovin' blind slut... and while your ****ing her dog, beat her senseless with that ridiculous cane. Because you're definitely gone straight to hell!

14. Puppy Love - It's Sunday morning and you're robbing a girlscout of her dignity and her future by giving her a sausage enema. You turn slowly only to find her pregnant basset hound chowing down on your filthy hole. With a swift kick to the doggy **** of your attacker, you release a spew of bloody premature puppies from that bitches open wound. You than gather up their limp bodies and fire them rapidly at the girlscouts head hoping to connect with one fatal blow. If that doesn't work, **** her again and then kill her and stuff the puppies up her ass. P.S. kick the dog again before you leave

15. The Big Top - Next time your at a carnival drag out the Fat Lady and a couple of midgets. Take them to the roof of tallest building in the city. Then have that fat ass shave each kickstand completely bald. When she gets done... role the nude little bastards in a ball and position them on each side of you. Stand up straight and start spitting up in the air while yelling "I'm a cock.... I'm a cock". Congratulations you are now the biggest dick in town. Before getting off the roof, FIST the fatty in the can and chuck the midgets off head first. This trick is slightly more fun while wearing a red rubber nose.

16. The Al Bundy - This activity is recommended for every married scum out there who's trying to do the right thing. While out with the boys you realize that you are surrounded by meat melons. To keep your mind off the screaming beaver go up to hottest hole in your grasp and begin to entertain her with your sharp wit. Classic one liners like "say your a toilet" & "put it in your mouth" or the always popular "show me your bush" should quickly win her over. The result is consistently a hearty kick to the nuts... and when you untangle them from your intestine, thank her for saving your lousy marriage.

17. Broken Necklace - A variation to the ever popular pearl necklace. It's that time of the month again and your slob has asked you once again to buy her something. "No problem" jewelry is what she wants, jewelry is what she'll get. Take the little monkey upstairs and force her to chug your turkey baster. After about ten minutes of ****ing that hole in her face, pull it out and begin spanking all over her upper chest. Before you finish, take out the real thing from her jewelry box and choke her with it. As she turns blue take her empty purse and stuff it up her hairy patch. From then on she'll immediately appreciate the T-Shirt you got her last Christmas.

oh my god... thank you, I am in your debt

Stolen from: http://www.slapass.net/sex-dictionary.php

The Common Man's Sex Dictionary!

Angry Dragon

Right after she is done sucking your cock, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.



Arabian Goggles

A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while she is cock sucking. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.



The Bait N' Tackle

The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Don't name them as that is sick!



Ballsacking

Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.



Bear Claw

A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.



Beef Curtain

The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of fucking. If she has a bear claw to start with it helps.



Beer Dick

This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with 2 tits and a pussy while experiencing beer dick.



Blumpy

You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.



The Bronco

You start by fucking doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.



Brown Bagging It

Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't lose the that smokin' body and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and get to fucking. Duct taping the bag on will avoid any chance of slippage



Brown Necktie

You're about halfway through ass fucking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the tits.



Brunski

When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)



The Bullwinkle

The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie fucking some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)



Butter Face

When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty. The solution is "Brown bagging it."



The Canine Special

Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!



The Carpet Cleaner

While fucking a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.



The Chili Dog

When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.



Chocolate Pizza

Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.



Cleveland Steamer

The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while titty fucking.



Cock-Stuffing

Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!



Cold Lunch

The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's sucking your cock.



The Concoction

First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.



The Compton Gangbang

You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)



Cop's Delight

The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.



The Corkscrew

Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.



Corn

Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!"



Couch Bombing

When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first



Coyote

This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.



Cum Dumpster

A quadriplegic whore.



Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch

The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.



Daisy Chain

Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.



Davey Crockett

A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.



Dirty Sanchez

A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.



Dirty Swirly

While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it.



Dog In A Bathtub

This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.



Donkey Punch

Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.



Duct Tape Trick

Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.



Dutch Oven

Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).



Dutch Treat

The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.



DVDA

The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.



The Electric Chair

Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed.



Felching

A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw...



The Fish Eye

From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that.



Fish-Hook

When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.



The Fire Island

This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.



Flaming Amazon

This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!



Flooding The Cave

Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.



The Flying Camel

A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.



The Flying Dutchman

This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.



The Fountain Of You

While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)



Fur Ball

When you're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, and a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.



Gobstopper

With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.



Golden Shower

Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports.



Greek

The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad"



Ham And Cheese Sandwich

Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite.



Hershey Highway

When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube.



High Dive

The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.



The Hindenburg

When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.



Hogging

While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.



Hole In One

The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo.



Hotdog In A Hallway

When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick.



Hot Karl

The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.



Hot Karl Candy Cane

A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.



Hot Lunch

The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.



Hummer

The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.



The Hunter Gatherer

You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.



The Indian Cock Burn

While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.



The Jedi Mind Trick

When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".



The Jelly Donut

Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.



The Juanita Special Bean Dip

While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.



Kennebunkport Surprise

The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.



Kick-Fucking

The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.



The Landshark

The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.



The Lorena Bobbit

Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)



The Menthol

The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.



The Mellon Dive

Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun.



Monkey Wrench

When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.



Monroe Transfer

When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.



The Moped

A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.



The Mork

Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)



Moses

A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.



The Motorboat

While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.



Muff Teaser

Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.



The Mung

Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.



Mushy Biscuit

This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.



New Jersey Meat-Hook

The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.



New York Style Taco

Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.



The Nixon

A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.



Oyster

A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.



Pasadena Mudslide

This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)



Pattycake

While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.



Paying The Rent

A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.



Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich

Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)



Pearl Necklace

Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.



The Pig Roast

While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.



Pink Glove

Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.



The Pirate's Treasure

While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.



Plating

Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.



The Popcorn Trick

First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?



Puerto Rican Fog Bank

While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.



Purple Mushroom

This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.



Queef

A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.



The Ram

When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.



Rear Admiral

An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips



Red Wings

Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!



Resuscitation

When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.



The Roddy Piper

When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.



The Rodeo

Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, fucking a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!



The Rose Creeper

Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to fuck her ass while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.



The Rusty Trombone

This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.



Sandbag

Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to fuck away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.



The Screwnicorn

When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.



The Seatbelt

While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.



Shirley Temple

Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.



The Shocker

When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)



Shop Vac

When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.



Shrimping

The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.



Skiing

While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.



Slumpbuster

When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.



Snerd Nurgling

The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...



Snoodling

When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!"



Snowball

Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.



The Snuff

Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.



Stranger

Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.



Stranger On The Rocks

Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.



Strangers In The Night

When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.



Stingy Nut

When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.



Sud N' Fud

When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.



Surfing

This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.



Swimmer's Ear

When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.



Tea Bag

To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise.



3-Eyed Turtle

Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.



The Tortoise

When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.



Tossing Salad

A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)



Tropical Wind

When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.



Tuna Melt

You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.



Twisted Sister

Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun.



Vegetarian Hot Lunch

A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.



Wake Up Call

Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"



The Walrus

After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.



Western Grip

When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.



Westside Glaze

Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.



The Woody Woodpecker

When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.



The Zombie Mask

While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

dude, those are everywhere, i even have them on MY site. if you got something NEW tho, i wanna hear about it

ts

Theres nothing new when it comes to sex, in the couple hundred of thousands of years people have been around I am positive that everything has been done.

Bah, this is so old it makes Jesus look young. Holy shit, I thought that was just my imagination, he must have come back for his second coming!!!

i like brining back old topics so mods realized they need to clean up

"Mods" don't need to realize anything.

You should realize, you'll never be a mod and stop trying to supervise us. Every other post I see from you is you directing Cindy to do this or that, or complaining that a thread should be closed. We will judge what's necessary to do in our own forum.

Shut up.

quote:Originally posted by bushy:

i like brining back old topics so mods realized they need to clean up

Too bad we cannot clean you up.