As some of you all know I am meeting my G/F for the first time in person next week.

Anyway as I have posted before we have spent 100s of hours on the phone and sent hundreds of pages of emails and all too. We have gotten very serious very quickly, more so than I have been about anyone before. I mean the most serious Ive felt befoe was with a girl I was with just under a year ago and I liked her alot but that was as far is it went for me though she was putting pressure on me to tell her I loved her as she said she loved me. I am only saying this just to make it clear that I am so serious about this girl and that my emotions aren't confused or anything. I mean if we had met in a bar or something I really do think we would be married by now because of the way things have developed.

I have said before about being concerned that she wasnt totally believing me when I told her I loved her as much as I do and that I do really want the things she has spoken of just as much as her (I am talking about anything from marriage to children and allsorts) There have been alot of things that have been going on in both our lives that we have in common and we share so many interests and do in a way think alot alike. There have ben a few sticking points though that have made things difficult. I mean she has a 3 yr old which is not a problem for me as I knew about him from the start, the thing is she cant really just up and leave there for good though she has been looking into a school over here for him and college for her, but I dont think she would be able to and it wouldnt really be fair of me to expect her to. Anyway she as I said is in college and has a son who her parents look after so money is an issue for her too and over Christmas she told me she works as an escort. Though this was alot to take in she did assure me that there was no physical contact or anything like that at all and I do believe her. Anyway the subject came up agian with something else we were talking about and she told me she would have quit if I asked her to so she quit. I mean we have both made some changes, some big some small to make the other happy. There are so many bad things about me that she nkows about and she has told me about so many things about her and her past too that we really do know almost all there is to know about each other in many senses.

One thing for me though was this whole thinga bout her not thinking I was as serious as her. I mean I really am serious about her and we do want the same things. Anyway latley she seems to realise this and has become alot more forthcoming with th things she says and all. I mean she would be saying some things but I could tell she was holding back as she was afraid I was going to get scared or nervous and tell her to back off or that maybe shewas thinking going to do something that would hurt her. Like she used to hardly talk to me about her child and had said to me before about not wanting to make it sound like she was trying to make be his daddy or something. I never really spoke about him either because I didnt want to make her uncomfortable so other than to ask how was he every now and then that was it. Then when she was home for xmas she would be on the phone with me and hav him beside her and we aould have a laugh and a joke and all and she got a bit more comfortable about the whole situation. I mean I can understand that she was afraid of me getting involved in that part of her life if she thought I wasnt serious about her and all and that it could be hurtful for the child in a way too or something. Anyway even around her family over xmas she went from being I suppose quiet about me other than to say to her mother it was her b/f on the phone and that would be it really. I mean I know she had told her mother alot about me and all and had done so 2 weeks after she started writing me.

Anyway the thing is that when she got back to college she would be on the phone to me and her mom might call with the child and all and she would then start telling me what was going on and asking my opinion and all and generally just involving me if only in a small way. Then on Thursday she went home to get her paperwork andstuff sorted for coming here, and the whole weekend she would be on the phone to me even with her parents there beside her or her son and she would be teling me she loves me and all in front of them and I had a sort of a 3 way conversation with her and her mom and she even put the child on the phone with me a couple of times.

Its just that to me the one issue I had since she brouhgt the issue of marriage up was that I had to know for sure she was positive in her own mind that I was as serious as her about it and that she was 100% comfortable with that. Other than that I am sure I want to propose when she is here. I mean one thing she has said to me a few times is "Ill believe it when I see it" or she will ask "Why do you love me, Im nothing special" But this past week now she really has become more at ease accepting that I amnt going to just run off with the next girl that looks at me.

She as I said has been geting me involved with her family and I know its in no big way but again it was one thing she was concerned about, I mean she was saying about having to get her child used to me and me adjusting to the child and all. But she has I suppose began in her own way to introduce us all and has told her parents who she is going to be visiting and they are helping her out in getting here financially and all.

I suppose what it comes down to is that I have been waiting for her to accept that I amnt making up these things I say to her and am not going to hurt her. She has always said she knows I am serious but that she has never had someone care abotu her like this and that she has never cared for someone like this and she is just so used to being treated bad and all and thats why she has some reservations about what I say to her and all.

But like I said the past week she seems to have just become much more at ease and all. I sent an email to her in which I explained how I felt about her and this situation and all and told her a good few things to try and put her mind at ease. So my only real concern is now gone and all and I really feel that I am ready now to put a ring on her finger.

quote:Originally posted by Mackofett:

As some of you all know I am meeting my G/F for the first time in person next week.

Anyway as I have posted before we have spent 100s of hours on the phone and sent hundreds of pages of emails and all too. We have gotten very serious very quickly, more so than I have been about anyone before. I mean the most serious Ive felt befoe was with a girl I was with just under a year ago and I liked her alot but that was as far is it went for me though she was putting pressure on me to tell her I loved her as she said she loved me. I am only saying this just to make it clear that I am so serious about this girl and that my emotions aren't confused or anything. I mean if we had met in a bar or something I really do think we would be married by now because of the way things have developed.

I have said before about being concerned that she wasnt totally believing me when I told her I loved her as much as I do and that I do really want the things she has spoken of just as much as her (I am talking about anything from marriage to children and allsorts) There have been alot of things that have been going on in both our lives that we have in common and we share so many interests and do in a way think alot alike. There have ben a few sticking points though that have made things difficult. I mean she has a 3 yr old which is not a problem for me as I knew about him from the start, the thing is she cant really just up and leave there for good though she has been looking into a school over here for him and college for her, but I dont think she would be able to and it wouldnt really be fair of me to expect her to. Anyway she as I said is in college and has a son who her parents look after so money is an issue for her too and over Christmas she told me she works as an escort. Though this was alot to take in she did assure me that there was no physical contact or anything like that at all and I do believe her. Anyway the subject came up agian with something else we were talking about and she told me she would have quit if I asked her to so she quit. I mean we have both made some changes, some big some small to make the other happy. There are so many bad things about me that she nkows about and she has told me about so many things about her and her past too that we really do know almost all there is to know about each other in many senses.

One thing for me though was this whole thinga bout her not thinking I was as serious as her. I mean I really am serious about her and we do want the same things. Anyway latley she seems to realise this and has become alot more forthcoming with th things she says and all. I mean she would be saying some things but I could tell she was holding back as she was afraid I was going to get scared or nervous and tell her to back off or that maybe shewas thinking going to do something that would hurt her. Like she used to hardly talk to me about her child and had said to me before about not wanting to make it sound like she was trying to make be his daddy or something. I never really spoke about him either because I didnt want to make her uncomfortable so other than to ask how was he every now and then that was it. Then when she was home for xmas she would be on the phone with me and hav him beside her and we aould have a laugh and a joke and all and she got a bit more comfortable about the whole situation. I mean I can understand that she was afraid of me getting involved in that part of her life if she thought I wasnt serious about her and all and that it could be hurtful for the child in a way too or something. Anyway even around her family over xmas she went from being I suppose quiet about me other than to say to her mother it was her b/f on the phone and that would be it really. I mean I know she had told her mother alot about me and all and had done so 2 weeks after she started writing me.

Anyway the thing is that when she got back to college she would be on the phone to me and her mom might call with the child and all and she would then start telling me what was going on and asking my opinion and all and generally just involving me if only in a small way. Then on Thursday she went home to get her paperwork andstuff sorted for coming here, and the whole weekend she would be on the phone to me even with her parents there beside her or her son and she would be teling me she loves me and all in front of them and I had a sort of a 3 way conversation with her and her mom and she even put the child on the phone with me a couple of times.

Its just that to me the one issue I had since she brouhgt the issue of marriage up was that I had to know for sure she was positive in her own mind that I was as serious as her about it and that she was 100% comfortable with that. Other than that I am sure I want to propose when she is here. I mean one thing she has said to me a few times is "Ill believe it when I see it" or she will ask "Why do you love me, Im nothing special" But this past week now she really has become more at ease accepting that I amnt going to just run off with the next girl that looks at me.

She as I said has been geting me involved with her family and I know its in no big way but again it was one thing she was concerned about, I mean she was saying about having to get her child used to me and me adjusting to the child and all. But she has I suppose began in her own way to introduce us all and has told her parents who she is going to be visiting and they are helping her out in getting here financially and all.

I suppose what it comes down to is that I have been waiting for her to accept that I amnt making up these things I say to her and am not going to hurt her. She has always said she knows I am serious but that she has never had someone care abotu her like this and that she has never cared for someone like this and she is just so used to being treated bad and all and thats why she has some reservations about what I say to her and all.

But like I said the past week she seems to have just become much more at ease and all. I sent an email to her in which I explained how I felt about her and this situation and all and told her a good few things to try and put her mind at ease. So my only real concern is now gone and all and I really feel that I am ready now to put a ring on her finger.I wont be doing it as soon asshe gets of the plane but I do feel I want to and am more realy to do so than before.

I'm just looking for opinions on the situation I suppose?

I thought you were talking about a cock-ring.

Why oh why did you quote yourself. As if scrolling through that first post wasn't enough.

NO

For God's sake! Slow down! Meet her first. Go on dates. Hang out around each other for a few months (at least). DO NOT BUY A RING YET

What if she turns out to be an uggo.. Or what if you're an uggo!? Think of the children, seriously..

Oh, and dating outside the box is a little trickier, so yeah. Give it a test run before you go getting yourself invovled in an expensive divorce settlement. Luck to you, and have a nice day.

She's gonna be a guy, dude.

no

I'm going to laugh when a 400 pound whale shows up at your door, and demands that you marry her.

Slow down.

Remember this man...

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

NO

If 100 wise, experienced, intelligent people told you to slow down, would you listen then? 1000 people? No, I really don't think so. You're going to do whatever the hell it is that you've already decided to do, regardless of how many people respond with helpful suggestions based on their own life experience... so please stop asking these stupid questions.

quote:Originally posted by Toban Locksmith:

What if she turns out to be an uggo.. Or what if you're an uggo!? Think of the children, seriously..

Oh, and dating outside the box is a little trickier, so yeah. Give it a test run before you go getting yourself invovled in an expensive divorce settlement. Luck to you, and have a nice day.

if they were both uggo's and they had kids would there kids be uglings?

She said she is an escort? That is something else to watch for (at least in my opinion). Who knows what baggage/stds/exs etc. she is carrying. I have always heard look out for strippers, bad news.

Ok first off Sarcophogus, you are probably right and I will just go and do what I have almost decided on doing but it is helpful to get a few other points of few on the situation from other people. I mean I have never been in a situation like this with a girl I met in person never mind with someone Ive yet to meet so it is all new to me and I am while excited and all about this I am a bit nervous too.

Unhinged, I have alot of people saying that to me and normally I would never be thinking like this about anyone but I really dont think there is much of a need to take it slow here. I know so much about her and I do mean the good and the bad things. If there is something else she hasnt told me about it cannot be worse than some of the other things she told me about herself. I mean she did tell me she was an escort and I have no reason to doubt what she said about there being no physical contact or anything and that its basically just a few drinks while listening to their problems, I mean I am 100% sure she would tell me if there was anything more because as I said we have told each othe about worse things than that so she has no reason to lie and I know she wouldnt lie to me.

As for those saying she will be ugly and all. Well I have seen about 25 pics of her from pics her cousin has sent me via email or that she has sent me by email and she regular mailed me about 12 pics and believe me I know its her in the pics and I know that she is absoloutly stunning to look at. She has seen photos of me and is more than flattering in what she says about how I look too and besides I wouldnt really be too pushed if she turned out to be ugly because thats not why I fell in love with her. However I know she is beautiful, in fact she is perfect in my eyes. So what if she has a few problems we all have problems and to me they just make her stronger in the long run.

At the end of the day I know that at this moment in time that I do want to put a ring on her finger and then for us to get married when she finishes college! I dont know whats going to happen between now and then but I hope that it works out the way we have spoken about it happening and that we do have a bright future. I am just trying to be a bit cautious and all in going about all this because at the end of the say no matter how much I tell her I love her or that I wont hurt her I have no control over her doing somthing that would hurt me and I really dont want that to happen. I cant see her doing something that would hurt me bad enough to end it because i beleve her when she tells me how much she loves me and how scared she is of me hurting her or ending this.

I dont know really I know Im being a bit mad here and my judgement is clouded but I think its worth it. I mean I want to at least have the chance to make this work properly and a few euros being spent on a ring is hardly the end of the world, especially seeing as its what she says she wants me to do, Id rather get it to show her I am serious than not do so and make her think I amn't.

God I hope this girl you're meeting surfs good ol' totse. I really would love it if you were out on a date and she says "I read about this moron called Mackofett who wanted to by a girl he's never met an engagement ring"

You'd be all like "Yeh. What a moron! Ha. Ha." *shifty eyes, slips ring back into pocket*

...But seriously, think about your actions.

quote:Originally posted by Aphelion Corona:

God I hope this girl you're meeting surfs good ol' totse. I really would love it if you were out on a date and she says "I read about this moron called Mackofett who wanted to by a girl he's never met an engagement ring"

You'd be all like "Yeh. What a moron! Ha. Ha." *shifty eyes, slips ring back into pocket*

...But seriously, think about your actions.

Yeah I know Im mad and all but hey it takes two to tango and she was the one that brought it up and said about us getting married and all. I am the one that hs to work hard at trying to get her to realise I am even slightly as serious about this as she is. She tells me that she wants this more than anything so I think she would be quite happy to see me seriously considering getting her a ring considering she was having a hard time believing me when Id say I am serious. I mean she'd just say something like no your not or tell me, well basically shed tell me that I couldnt possibly want this as much as her, and though at first I was very nervous and Im sure if you saw a few of my previous posts youd know that.

However the way things have progressed the idea has grown on me And I know that it is what I want to happen. And no she isnt just after the ring. I mean we have spoken about it already and she has said I dont even need to get her one and not to spend a lot. Ive offered to do other stuff for her too and she wont let me so I know its not about cash or jewels or anything.

Heh, so lets see if I understand...

You've known a girl for less than a year, but you've never met in person.

She's American.

She's black.

She has a three year old child.

She's still in school.

She's poor.

She is an escort (but she never touches them, *cough* bullshit *cough* you know that's what escorts do right?)

She wants to move to Ireland to marry you...

...and you have your head so high in the clouds (or maybe up your ass) that you couldn't add all this up if your very life depended on it.

Geezus, what about this doesn't absolute SCREAM trouble for you?!?!?!

Isn't she also from NY? Fuck, a poor black american hooker from NY... the Irish are dumber than I ever realized.

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

Heh, so lets see if I understand...

You've known a girl for less than a year, but you've never met in person.

She's American.

She's black.

She has a three year old child.

She's still in school.

She's poor.

She is an escort (but she never touches them, *cough* bullshit *cough* you know that's what escorts do right?)

She wants to move to Ireland to marry you...

...and you have your head so high in the clouds (or maybe up your ass) that you couldn't add all this up if your very life depended on it.

Geezus, what about this doesn't absolute SCREAM trouble for you?!?!?!

Isn't she also from NY? Fuck, a poor black american hooker from NY... the Irish are dumber than I ever realized.

No she isnt from NY!

She doesnt touch the people at all! I believe her totally on that one because.. well I do from the things that have been said that I amn going to get into here, and if I had any doubts on that one I would have been long gone! Long gone! Besides Escort is maybe not the right word for it!

She's not quite poor! She has a few problems financially at the moment and god knows I know I did when I was in college and still do have them and I dont have any kids! I ate myself up over this issue and decided fuck it I need to know myself is it for the money? I offered to help her out and to say she refused is an understatement! She wants nothing like that from me! Nothing! Agai nI have been in those relationships before and I would never feel like this over some girl that was after that kind of relationship!

No she doesnt want to move to Ireland to marry me! She thought I would be happier if she came here to study. I have told her it makes no difference to me so she has more or less said her ideal situation would be to come visit me for my Birthday in February for us to get engaged, then for me to go to her in March and to stay a good while possibly permanent til she finishes college then we get married and depending on what we both want either stay in USA or come back to Ireland!

As for what dont scream trouble! I mean please she has a lot less to gain from this than me! She needs no visa to come here I need one for the US! She works as an escort so fucking what I sell heroin! I have criminal record she doesnt! I have "Friends" Who I know would cut my throat just as soon as look at me! I met my father for the first time at 18 and he was with a gang of vigilanes threatening to kill me!

She has done so much for me! I have opened up to her aboutt hings I could to nobody else! I have listedned to her about things that nobody would for her!

You know what I love her my head might be in the clouds but not for the reasons you think!

And as for the Irish being dumber than you think! Well this Irish guy at 18 earned more in a week from legit sources than you would in 6months! Taking into account the other things I was doing I was probably earning more in a day than you in a month. Thats not bragging or anything thats just facts and believe me it isnt smethig Im proud of. I mean I have tried really hard to get away rom all that shit for a long time now and she is the first good thing in my life in a long time. She is the first girl in a long time that isnt looking for money or isnt looking for access to drugs or isnt attracted to a reputation.

Like I said anyway we both have our problems but mine are far worse than hers and like I said I have more to gain from this than her!

Thank you so much for your input though!

Y O U A R E A D U M B A S S.

Clear enough for ya?

People lie on the internet ALL THE TIME! God, to think what kind of things she must have said and done to con you into this? Could you, please, PLEASE meet her first before you do anything crazy? Love doesn't grow out of this inane box we've all become completely attatched to. You HAVE to look at this situation objectively, from the point of view of a common, un-related spectator. If a friend of yours was in the same situation, would you not be in the least bit skeptical of this girl's motives?

But as Sarc said, you're going to do whatever your mind has become fixed on doing. None of us can stop you. Maybe once she marries you and then runs off with everything you own, you'll realize your mistake. Not saying it WILL happen, but it's more than likely. And I don't want to be here in 6 months reading a 3 page thread called "She Used Me!!!"

Just think about it. REALLY think about it.

Ok if it was just us talking on the net then I would of course know about people lying all the time and all! I mean when that was the case I was very sceptical and asking allsorts of questions about this. Howver I know so much more about her now and if this was a con then I really think that she has gone about it the wrong way! I mean alot of what she say to me would be considered by most as too much baggage but seeing as how I am used to dealing with girls that are junkies that have been used and abused their whole ives that have never had a good day and all, I think nothing of her problems.

There is no way I would go into this blindly, I am not that naive and though I admit my judgement is clouded by emotions I really am sure we know enough about each other for me to be sure about this.

I have spoken to her friends, I have heard her mother talk to her asking about me, I have spoken to her son. There is no way this is a lie or a con. I am able to read people like books in person and though I cant do it as well on the phone I am still very good at it.

Anyway just the things being said last nih between us when we spoke about what she wanted, well I have never been so sure about anything in my life!

If its all BS then I will be the first to put my hand up and say I was stupid but its not. I mean if it were a con there is no way that she would spend the kind of money she has done on her phone bill alone!

heh, to each his own, i suppose. youre the one that makes the call, and youre the one that gonna have to live with it...

...for richer or poorer

...for better or worse

...till death do you part

"i do." ...do you?

ts

Some of these replies crack me up. I won't elaborate on why, but some folks speculate way too much.

That said, I still don't have a great feeling about this, Mack. I don't get a clear picture of the bond you two have. Do you really feel there's some sort of deep understanding you share? Sounds like both you have a somewhat compromised, challenging life. Somehow I get the impression of loneliness on your part, and desperation on hers.

Remember...short paragraphs please. I have ADD and it's really hard for me to stay with your stream-of-consciousness writing style. It took me 5 days to read your initial post there, and I still don't quite get all of it.

Edit: Whoops, I guess it only took 2 days to read since you only postd it 2 days ago. ADD AND a bad memory. Sheesh.

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 01-30-2004).]

Hey guys, even if she ends up being a beast, he already got to know her, he might still love her anyway. It's like the crying game.

You've never met her and you don't write too well, either. You're a retard. You crowd all your ideas together.

You have no sense of space.

I say, go for it!

Deadlycindy,

I know ny writing style is bad and al lbut as a "Journo" / "Writer" Its sort of what Im used to getting paid for! Ok Not quite but anyway.

I know I go of on a sort of chain of thought and allbut its the only way for me to get it out.

Anyway, I do love her and yes she loves me. I mean the past few days Ive told her I will be out working al day and possibly all night and wont be able to talk on the phone really. She still calls just to say "I miss you" or "I love you" Things like that. She has spoken of so many thinga happening for us from marriage which I have to admit did shock me a litle at first but now I am obviously selecting a ring! She has been talking about us having chidren which would normally scare me but with her I love the idea of all that and want it to happen.

Anyway the way I see it is that YES there is a bond between us in that I tell her things and she tells me things we could never tell other people! She is the love of my life and I hers. I would do anything for her no matter what. I love her like Ive never thought possible!

Thanks for the input and all. I just wantted to let you kno there is that bond here with us and a whole lot more!

[This message has been edited by Mackofett (edited 01-31-2004).]

then go for it. i fail to see the problem here

seriously though. your mind was already made up. youre gonna do what you want to do, no matter what anyone says or thinks

personally, i think you posted this because youve been socially reclusive lately, and you wanted to expresses your joy somehow... but thats just me

best of luck with it

ts

quote:Originally posted by Tru_Souljer:

then go for it. i fail to see the problem here

seriously though. your mind was already made up. youre gonna do what you want to do, no matter what anyone says or thinks

personally, i think you posted this because youve been socially reclusive lately, and you wanted to expresses your joy somehow... but thats just me

best of luck with it

ts

Yeah I think in a way I was trying to do that. Not really because Ive been reclusive though I have been spending alot more time at home on the phone or sending her emails when I would or should have normally been out with friends.

The thing is that with alot of my friends (Mostly the guys Id hang out with) they just don't get the whole concept of internet dating or anything like that. I mean they all know how I feel about this girl and all but I still get alot of grief from them for allsorts of things from not going off with this girl or that girl because Im with someone thousands of miles away or just the fact that I have been spending so much time talking to her. My female friends are a bit easier to listen to and all and some would be more or less like her friends in that they are all for this and want to see us together and all. What it comes down to is that I am a bit tired of hearing all the shit from people I know about this and well according to my g/f net dating and that kind of thing is really big in the US, she actually said that to me before we even spoke on the phone but she even said then that some people meet their future husband/ wives this way which is I suppose whats happened for us. Anyway I just thought that someone here would know a bit more abou the whole net dating thing and could offe radvice.