Honestly, I'm not sure where to turn anymore. I have been reading this forum for the past few months and never really replying or posting for that matter but, now is better than never. My problem is that I become a can of tuna when I try to speak to a girl intimately. I'm not the shy type either, I goof around and have plenty of energy in front of friends, crowds you name it. Why? Oh why...am I unable to speak to a girl when it's just her and I? Could it be that I'm intimidated by the opposite sex because of their great beauty and ability to be better than I in every way? Any advice, thoughts, etc. would be greatly appreciated. By the way don't let my name fool you I have more than an arm to offer.

Make female friends who you don't flirt/ try to get it on with. You won't be as nervous if theres nothing at stake.

If you're in your teens, 'tis all normal. If you're in your 20s, it's still pretty normal. If you're in your 30s, you might need therapy. If you're any older, you do need therapy and might possibly reconsider your sexual orientation.

Assuming you're in your teens or 20s, you're probably not sufficiently self-actualized to be comfortable in your own skin around females you'd like to make a good impression on. When you're ready, you're ready.

It seems you're smart enough to avoid being a dipshit and following lame "seduction" techniques. Do it your way, when you're ready.

You can't be scared of pussy otherwise you'll never get any. A good thing to remember is women love a guy who listens to them.

You can't look at women and see them as so much better than yourself. They are just like us men, but different in some ways. They all have insecurities, fears, hopes and dreams.

If you have trouble thinking of things to say, ask them things about themselves, favorite movie, book, tv show, just random shit like that and eventually you'll learn it's not that hard to talk to a woman.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

If you're in your teens, 'tis all normal. If you're in your 20s, it's still pretty normal. If you're in your 30s, you might need therapy. If you're any older, you do need therapy and might possibly reconsider your sexual orientation.

Assuming you're in your teens or 20s, you're probably not sufficiently self-actualized to be comfortable in your own skin around females you'd like to make a good impression on. When you're ready, you're ready.

It seems you're smart enough to avoid being a dipshit and following lame "seduction" techniques. Do it your way, when you're ready.

Exactly. Good advice, cindy. I should use this myself.

Whatever age you're at it sounds like an intimacy issue. I used to watch Paula White (the televangelist) and she described pretty much what you're describing, about being perfectly comfortable in a crowd, speaking to a million people.. but, she said "Put me in a room with someone, one-on-one and I freeze up."

Different people react differently with others and it's just part of who you are. It can be worked on and developed like any character trait but it takes determination, will and practice. And even then it may take a long time or never happen exactly how you expect.

I have to speak at board meetings occasionally, to groups of 5-15 or more people and I get nervous every single time, all the way to the point of feeling like I'm having an anxiety attack.. but then a minute into it I'm fine. I also play the guitar and have played in a band on stage in the past.. same thing, nerves on edge until we get started on that first song, then cool. Alone with a girl is the most natural thing to me, no tension, perfectly at ease.

So you're normal, some people just deal with things better (or worse). Whoever ^^^ said practice on girls (just friends) where there's no pressure on trying to pick them up had a good idea... that will help give you the confidence you need and strengthen your self esteem. Best of luck!

-Extant