My girlfriend has a child who though Ive known about him since the start because we as in my g/f and I wont meet til next week in person I obviously havent met hr son.

Anyway she has spoken to me while with him and all and we had a laugh and all on the phone but lately its gotten to be that she is alot more comfortable with talking to me about him. I mean she was going to send a pic to me of him but asked me about it first as she said she didnt want me to feel she was pressuring me into being his daddy. Anyway she had him ont the phone to me the other day and all and while I think its great and all as we are talking about marriage and she is talkig about more kids and all, so I think its good she wants me more involved in her family life and all I just dont know how to proceed. I mean Ive been with gorls who have kids before but never in this serius a relationship so I dont wan to start pushing her to letting me get more involved but I dont want to seem like I dont want to be involved wither if that makes sense. I mean I amnt going to be involved with hi right away or anything but as she has said she would have to get him adjusted to the idea of me and me adjusted to being around him. Now its in no way a problem for me. I love her and I want to be involved with all of her life as she does with me but I just dont know how to go about it the right way regarding this part of her life which is a major part of her life as anyones child should be. I just need to know if Im moving too slow or too fast I suppose.

shut up and die

/\ that was harsh.

dude you need to slow down

you dont even know her if you havent met her in person. You can chat all you like with someone on the phone, but you will never know them like you know your friends (in person).... you dont know what she looks like in the morning, how she interacts with other people, or any of the other little quirks people have.

take some time to get to know her before jumping into something.... you may have a head start in getting to know her, but people can be very different in person to who they are on the phone/email etc.

good luck with it tho.

The thing you need to remember is that her child her child's needs will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS come first. Get that into your head. If you are a progressive type thinker and can handle it, good. If not, don't even try it.

I've been dating a woman with a child for about a year and a half.

It got to the point where it was hard to deal with, kind of a "How much fucking time can you spend with that kid? My parents never spent that much time with me" but then I realized:

1)She's a good mother, that means if we have kids she'll be good to them too

2)The kid has been around a lot longer than I have

3)She can't break up with her daughter.

It's been hard sometimes, but it was the most rewarding thing in my life the moment her daughter told me that she wanted me to be her step-daddy.

quote:Originally posted by choda:

shut up and die

You really are beginning to piss me off with the shit you are not only spewing out in my threads but in others too!

I mean you want people raped! You want people dead! How bout I pay someone to skullfuck you to death and sell tickets to the show that way you are happy you get the rapes and deaths and we are all happy that its you being raped to death!

I cannot believe you have actually managed to drag me down to this level but you never ever tell me in any thread or board or site or anywhere that you want to see someone being raped!

For those that dont know whta Im on about Choda has a Vietnames friend he wants raped!

I apologise for my reaction here to everyone else but I really cannot put up with some things! One of them being people that talk like that making light of some really bad shit.

I know we havent met and how things will be diffrent and all but the kind of things we have spoken about and know about each other the last thing to bother me would be what she looks like in the morning! I mean we really have spent 100s of hours on the phone and 1000s of pages of emails and all! We know so much about each other all the bad stuff too.

I realise that her child would always come first and if she was putting me before him I have to say I would start to question how much I knew her but I know thats not the case. I mean she is such a great mother and I do know that for sure. I mean she makes alot of sacrifices for her child and I know she does so gladly once she knows its in his best interests.

Anyway the thing is I will be taking some ime before actually putinga ring on her finger but I really dont think I would need to as I am so sure about this as it is! I mean we are so good for each other and get on so well and all!

Well I just want to make sure I am acting appropriatly when it comes to her child. Should I be asking more or less should I do something else? I just dont know!

You don't want to become the babysitter, but refusing to help with the child or take any responsibility will get you canned.

You're going to be a role-model, whether you like it or not. Even if the ring isn't on her finger, you might as well be the kid's new step-dad. Play with the kid, get to know him. Don't try to buy him off-- some things are OK (clearly birthdays, holidays, use your better judgement) but if you buy him something all the time, while he'll like you for it, it isn't going to be a long term meaningful/respectful relationship.

This isn't just you and her. It's all of you together. You two may be a match made in paradise, but if her son hates your guts, that's going to make life difficult. Depending on how old he is, he could make your life a living hell. (My girlfriend's daughter is 8, and she knows exaclty which buttons to push with her mother. More than a few dates have been broken off because her daughter didn't want her to leave--granted, that didn't mean we didn't still get to spend time together, just that we didn't go out)

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, her, and her son?

quote:Originally posted by choda:

shut up and die



Go to hell niggerboy.



Just marry her and poisen the kid. Dont create more little bastards with her.

Hollowpoint thanks for the input.

I myself grew up from the same age as her child with a "Step Father" though my mother and him still arent married. However while myself and him arent always fighting or anything we were never real close and I sure as hell never called him Daddy! Though I dont think I would really expect for her son to be calling me that unless it was what she thought was best.

I just want to make sure that I amnt going to be doing stuff to make her uncomfortable with this. I mean she has gone to alot of effort to make me feel comfortable with the fact she has a child. Right I knew from the start she did but she still never put pressure on me to talk about him or anything but I dont know if maybe I should have brought up the subject more. I mean I do ask about how he is and all and thats all I can really do right now.

Anyway I am 25 she is 21 and the child is 3. I dont have any kids with anyone else and as an only child never had to contend with kids really other than maybe cousins for a night or two but they would be off home then and I wouldnt need to think about them at all so I amnt used to having to think abou the needs of a child. I do of course know he would come first and as I have said I have no problem with that and knowing her I would expect that to be the case because of the kind of person she is. I mean the child will never know some of the sacrifices his mother made to give him a good start in life.

The thing is though at the moment I am not going to be playing any major role in his life at all. I mean even if I moved there tomorrow she still lives 4 hours away from her son. Now I know he would be around at weekends and holidays and all but til she finishes college there would be minimal contact. If she came here to live which might be a bit much to expect! I mean shed need to leave college get another over here and wed both need to be working me fulltime her part time to be able to afford her school and to look after a child thats starting school in September. It is so much more expensive over here. So realistically I would probably be the one going to her.

The reason this is now a bit more of an issue is that she has been home with him these past few days and he has come onto the phone and all and said hi and I have been hearing her with him a whole lot more and he knows tht his mother is talking to someone on the phone and is going over to that person next week. I guess its just that I want to be able to say and do stuff to be able to put her mind at ease that I am ok with this and that I am looking forward to meeting him and that I do hope we get along as well in person as we did when he was talking to me on the phone. I mean I love her and do want to put that ring on her finger and I know that her son is this massive part of her so I would of course want to be able to be there for whatever role she is happy with me taking in her childs life.

http://www.totse.com/bin/bbs/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Weapons+and+Combat&number=29 for weapons and combat forum... just kidding

live iwht it

My gf's got a little girl from a previous relationship; and I'm crazy about her too. Everything works out fine, you can fight with the idea that she's not your child but that will only ruin everthing you have. Ooh well that's just my vision.

quote:Originally posted by Contradiction:

My gf's got a little girl from a previous relationship; and I'm crazy about her too. Everything works out fine, you can fight with the idea that she's not your child but that will only ruin everthing you have. Ooh well that's just my vision.

How did things go at the start? I mean did you know her as a friend and already have some contact with the child before you started going out?

I amnt fighting the idea of the fact he's not mine or anything. I mean I am quite comfortable with the situation and have sent her a few books to give him and all. And thats not me trying to buy him off or anything I mean I dont even know if he'll know where they came from, I just got them one day after talking to her on the phone and I was buying somehing for her and just got them so that I could at least do something nice for her.

But I really have no problem with him not being mine, only last night again he was on the phone to me for a minute and though I have to admit I did think a while back I might be a bit nervous about that I wasnt and I get a bit of a giggle out of messing about with her and the child on the phone.

I just want to make sure though that I can make his life as easy as possible with me around. I mean at the end of the day if I am not coping or something with the child then my rrlationship will suffr as I would always expect him to come first and his happyness would be paramount.