I'm a pretty good looking chick, so I've been told. Why the hell does it seem that timing is ALWAYS off with guys?

For example, I recently met this guy and we hit it off immediately (which happens quite frequently). We went out a few times, and things got very passionate between us but we never had sex. Well, thank GOD we didn't, because last night he decides that it's not a good idea to get into a relationship because of all the shit he's got going in his life. Ok, I can respect this, but why did he even bother to take it this far? He even said there is definately a connection between us and he really likes me...BUT...

There's always a fucking BUT...

What the fuck is up with this? It happens ALL the time...anyone that can offer some insight??

Maybe he realized he wasn't ready for anything much further. I don't know maybe he is nervous or scared about going to the next step.

Makes sense to me. Maybe he got sucked in too fast and now is panicing...intimacy is a strange thing.

Why does it make sense to you? I'm just curious. And why do guys do this?? Is there anything I should do/say to the next one that comes along? Please help me!

Actually guys are pretty easy to figure out. Smile at us, give us sex, tell us how great we are.. we'll follow you around like a stupid lil puppy dog. Seriously though, people are different and it takes a lot of work to make a relationship work.

Why does this ALWAYS happen to you? If it is THAT consistent, could it be some character trait that is not apparent when first meeting, but comes out later in the relationship? Do you snort when you laugh? Just an example. That's the first thing that came to my mind, not the example but something similar, just out of reach from initial impressions that might be the problem.

How old are you? That probably has nothing to do with it but I was curious where you might be intellectually. You could always take one of these guys aside (when this happens) and say "Look, I know where you're coming from, there's nothing happening here with us yadda yadda... but please tell me, what is it about me that turned you away?" Maybe you'll get an honest one that'll clue you in.

Lastly, it could be the luck of the draw, you just keep finding the wrong ones. Email me a naked picture of yourself if you want more accurate advice please.

-Extant

Thank you, Extant. You definately made me laugh.

I'm 32, I look about 26, and no, I don't snort when I laugh. Honestly, I don't think that it's something about ME that turns these guys away. In fact, 9 times out of 10 they say it's not me, it's THEM. I think the next time I'm just gonna play even harder to get...

I don't have any naked pictures, sorry. Do you?

Well...

It could be any number of things. I think the best idea would be to just ask why. Don't just be like, oh, okay, he doesn't like me. Ask them what it is that makes them think that. Uhh.. well just listen to Extant, he's smart.

quote:Originally posted by TBritt32:

Thank you, Extant. You definately made me laugh.

I'm 32, I look about 26, and no, I don't snort when I laugh. Honestly, I don't think that it's something about ME that turns these guys away. In fact, 9 times out of 10 they say it's not me, it's THEM. I think the next time I'm just gonna play even harder to get...

I don't have any naked pictures, sorry. Do you?



You're welcome.. well at least you have a sense of humor so that's not the problem. There's so many variables it's hard to do anything but offer up ideas as to what it could be. I don't want to sound insulting so don't take anything I say personally.. there's always hygeine, could that be a factor? Your profile says you like to work out, I assume you don't go from the gym to a date? Yeah I know, just a thought.

9 out of 10 losing interest... damn, are you a Jehova's Witness? That could explain it. The numbers just don't add up hon... there's got to be something either with your physicality or personality that could even be very minor, but is driving them away. This is my guess unless you're really just that unlucky. Keep checking your thread, there's several people and the mods that offer good advice and I'm sure someone will pick up on something I've overlooked.

Good luck to you, and although I have a nice digital camera.. I don't currently have any nekkid pics of myself.. I just don't turn me on..lol

-Extant

quote:Originally posted by TBritt32:

Why does it make sense to you? I'm just curious. And why do guys do this?? Is there anything I should do/say to the next one that comes along? Please help me!

Commitment phobia maybe? Are you sure you aren't trying to rush your relationships along at your pace? Maybe rush isn't the right word, but do you have a game plan (with time frames) in mind with your relationships?

cc

He wasn't getting any pussy so he made up an excuse to dumb you. A lame one at that. Wasn't worth your time.

As usual, Extant kicks ass. But you forgot one thing man:

quote:Originally posted by Extant:

Actually guys are pretty easy to figure out. Smile at us, give us sex, tell us how great we are..make us sandwiches we'll follow you around like a stupid lil puppy dog.

But seriously, I read this a couple of times, and I'm stumped. Except for one point that's maybe a bit of a reach: You mentioned you're 32 but you look like your 26. Are you dating younger guys?

Maybe they realize they're at a different point in their lives than you. 32 is usually "settling down age" isn't it?

So I guess I'm saying that my guess is fear of commitment. That's all I got, maybe I'll come up with something later.

-Nocuous





[This message has been edited by nocuous (edited 01-07-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by nocuous:

So I guess I'm saying that my guess is fear of commitment.

That too.

cc

TBritt32 i admire the fact you well stay in a relationship. shit i can only handel open relashonships and that is becuase i tend to go out with other sexaholics but yeah i admire your cometment and also the fact you are good at spelling.

Not meant offensive, but could it be that your superficial (or however you write that) cause that's the reason that i don't wanna fuck some girls no mather how pretty they look....

otherwise, i don't know, maybe you fall for the wrong guys

You guys rock.

Ok, I didn't really mean that 9 out of 10 relationships don't work, I haven't been in a serious relationship for more than 2 years. This, I believe, is due to commitment phobia.

Come on dude, 32 isn't "settling down age". What the hell is up with that?? Just kidding...sometimes I date younger guys and sometimes guys my age...and no, I do not have a problem with hygene!!??

quote:Originally posted by TBritt32:

You guys rock.

Ok, I didn't really mean that 9 out of 10 relationships don't work, I haven't been in a serious relationship for more than 2 years. This, I believe, is due to commitment phobia.

Come on dude, 32 isn't "settling down age". What the hell is up with that?? Just kidding...sometimes I date younger guys and sometimes guys my age...and no, I do not have a problem with hygene!!??



Yeah baybee.. we rock! Don't forget it!

As far as the commitment phobia, whose.. yours or theirs? I'm presuming theirs. Well that explains the short term relationships. I thought 9 out of 10 was far-fetched as good looking as you are (by your account) but you never sent the naked pic so I dunno.

I'm sure you'll weed through the undesirables and eventually come across someone suitable for your needs, in the meantime it's good to have you aboard so happy posting!

-Extant

Yeah. Sorry I was getting at the commitment thing, didnt really make that clear at all. As CC said it could be that they feel like you are rushing the relationship along, or they dont feel comfortable at all. Have you analysed why it keeps happening? Like what you do each time that it fails? It could just be the guys...maybe you are too good for them .

quote:Originally posted by TBritt32:



Come on dude, 32 isn't "settling down age". What the hell is up with that?? Just kidding...sometimes I date younger guys and sometimes guys my age...and no, I do not have a problem with hygene!!??

Sorry. I'm still young, so everything seems kind of old.

So uh, how much younger are these younger guys?

-Nocuous

quote:Originally posted by redemption:

Yeah. Sorry I was getting at the commitment thing, didnt really make that clear at all. As CC said it could be that they feel like you are rushing the relationship along, or they dont feel comfortable at all. Have you analysed why it keeps happening? Like what you do each time that it fails? It could just be the guys...maybe you are too good for them .

Oh my God, I love you!! Hey...right THERE is my problem!! No, I'm kidding...

This is so awesome that you guys are so responsive...it really must be the type of guys I choose, because this just goes to show that there are a few good men out there.

The primary reason for this forum was due to the most recent guy I dated, who told me on Monday (after avoiding my calls for 3 days...so not cool) that he didn't feel a relationship was the right thing at this point. Honestly, he is right (because he's dealing with a lot of shit right now, he may be facing 3 months in jail, etc.), but he really let me know that he was interested and there was a connection between us that was magnetic. I was just hurt by his approach, I mean, the dude fucking avoided me for 3 days before getting the balls to tell me this!!

I have had similar occurances, either I get guys who totally fall in love with me and I want nothing to do with them, or I get the ones who pursue me relentlessly and then back off after a few weeks. Sorry this got so lengthy, but you guys are really helping me...thanks!

Not trying to be rude but do you think your daily indulgence in heroin and other drugs may be a turn off? Is this last guy who's facing jail involved in drugs too?



[This message has been edited by Johnnx (edited 01-29-2004).]

Ever think about dating a younger guy??? Maybe someone about the age of 18 or 19??? I'm pretty sure that us younger guys would surely stick with you...

No, I'm just kidding. But I don't think anyone of us guys could really tell you why all of the guys you try to date do this to you. But MY thoughts about this is, maybe you're one of those really sweet and very committed women that give some guys the creeps. He thinks, "she's so nice, she deserves better." Or maybe they just want to fuck... Like I said, none of us can really give you any real advice. Sorry if I wasn't any help.

There's something you're not telling us. I wish I could accuse you of hiding something, because then we might get the whole truth.. but, sadly, chances are as good as not that you don't even know what it is.

You're 32? Your initial post gave me the impression that you were 18 or 19. Even if you do look 26 and never tell a guy your real age, that's still a point where most guys will expect certain behavioral traits out of women, ones that you don't appear to show (such as a more grounded mindset). When he doesn't see that out of you, he may think, "Damn, she's never going to change, fuck this." Then he bolts.

Is this your fault? Not necessarily. Most people have their prejudices, and when those fuck things up, there's not much you can- or should- do. Let them float off to someone else who will make their bullshit-laden minds happy.

However, if you're into drugs and such (if not, skip the next couple of paragraphs, I'm only going by John's post and assuming for the moment it refers to something I didn't see).. I'm not about to start lecturing, but the simple fact is that a 22-year-old who does drugs and a 32-year-old who does drugs are going to be seen in very different lights. Kids (and to say even a 22-year-old is a kid in this case is being generous) who do drugs are expected to clean up eventually and straighten out. That's why partners or potential partners often dismiss that part of their lives, unless it's out of control.

You, on the other hand, are a grown-up. Even if they think you're in your mid-20's, getting high is much less accepted for you than it was when you were younger. Weed alone would be a turn-off; not many guys will want a 32-year-old stoner girlfriend unless they themselves are into that. (Note that it doesn't matter how much or little weed you smoke- you'll often find that you're assumed to be a stoner if you're still getting high at your age.)

I'm not saying you should change how you act, but if you're trying to figure out why other people react to you in a certain way, you have to take into account the different ways in which they might view you, your behavior, your activities, et al. You may find that, to get what you want, you'll either have to change some of the things you do or search very hard for someone that will like you as you are. But that's a level of introspection you have to take upon yourself to reach.

quote:Originally posted by TBritt32:

I'm a pretty good looking chick, so I've been told. Why the hell does it seem that timing is ALWAYS off with guys?

they were just polite ...

Spiffy, there was a post she made how she needed help in cheating a drug test...she says she takes heroin daily...all of her posts have been deleted...

[This message has been edited by Johnnx (edited 01-29-2004).]

Ya know, I can't think of many things that I dislike more than women over the age of 25 that think it's still cool to behave as ditsy little pre-teen bimbos...

Meh...

I dont think she's playing teen bimbo. I think she actually is one naturally. I bet her face looks like an ass or something. THe truth is that guys are thick. I know. I am one. If at 36 she hasn't got the hang of it she never will. She should turn celebate.

Chris

If your really on some shit, chances are when they find out, they get scared. I have commitment phobias of my OWN age, let alone someone several years older. I'd definitley say around 30-35 would be known as 'settling down' time to most guys, but you seem to disagree. So when is 'settling down' time? 50?

~ES

I dont think she should be critisized too much for being in her 30's but she should act her age...

She's into drugs in a big way and ought to sort that out before worrying about why guys dont get involved with her...

well i can pick out a couple turn offs and theres probably more that we dont know about. so here goes:

you 'thank god' that you didnt have sex when you should be pissed that you missed out on fucking.

you think playing hard to get is anything but a stupid game that puts a bulls-eye on a chick telling guys to use her like a shake and bake bag.

you desperately want a relationship.

so maybe its your fault guys dont want to stay around you. not that there should be blame assigned here because people should do what they want and spend time with who they want. now ive told a girl that the "time wasnt right" and that i had "too much going on" before. i did so because i did have too much going on and i didnt need to pamper her needy ass on top of it. you see, it wasnt that i couldnt have a relationship, i could have. just not with one of these whiney cunt relationship addicts that needs constant attention while being absolutely worthless in terms of helping me get over a rough period in my life.

Well Britt, how about a nice 16 year old boyfriend ? Your guys are too old.