Do guys really want to know the exact reason they were "rejected?" My usual tactic of fluttering away into space is starting to not work anymore. Some dudes demand answers! But only the ones they want to hear.

I think most guys like to think of themselves as the "nice guy who was thrown aside for some asshole." I did that exactly once, at age 16, and have suffered bad karma as a result.

These are the only reasons I would take a pass on a guy:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>

<LI>Too passive.

<LI>Not smart enough.

<LI>Demands too much of my time and doesn't give me space when I need it.

<LI>Talks excessively about bodily functions in an adolescent manner.

<LI>Constantly complains or talks too much shit about other people.

<LI>Is rude to waiters and other service people.

<LI>Has a bad attitude toward drugs and those who use them recreationally.

<LI>Has a bad attitude toward animals, children, the disabled and/or the elderly.

<LI>Has an unacknowledged road rage problem.

</UL>

These are not easy issues to bring up. And the whole lie "It's not you, it's me" doesn't hold up, either.

Guys usually don't seem to have a problem telling me why things won't work. "You do too many drugs" and "I'm afraid I'll eventually end up in prison" are common and understandable. It sucks to be rejected, but to me, it's a relief to know that it's for reasons that I probably can't change too much.

So, folks, what are some reasons you reject a potential bf/gf, and how much do you want to know about why you were rejected?

Taste in music. This sounds horrible but I listen to a wide variety of music. Even still, we have to like at least some of the same music for us to get along. I know it seems shallow, but music is very very important to me and it helps a whole lot if we can agree what to put on in the car or even when we're just sorta hanging out.

I also have to be attracted to her (obviously). Once again, shallow, but who here could honestly be involved with someone they're not physically attracted to?

As cindy mentioned, intelligence is also a factor. I hate having to dumb myself down for people.

If I'm going to be rejected, I'd like to know exactly why. If possible with accompanying visual aids and a full 2 (minimum) page report on all of my faults and failures. (I love the postal service btw).

I noticed you didn't put anything about an age barrier, cindy

I would always want to know, because I can't see all my flaws. If someone tells me why they don't want to be with me, it gives me something to base a self-examination on. Then I can decide if they're correct or if I like that particular trait and it's simply a shame they don't.

I'd want to know why the break up is happening first. Wow Cindy what you ask for isnt hard at all. (i'd more then fit the bill ). Hopefully your not doing any heavy kind of drugs either, those arent good for you (coming from the guy who hasnt slept in 2 days). maryjane is always fine by me, but it becomes a problem when all the person wants to do is smoke it all the time and continously and consciously propigate mindlessness, (but this is for another discussion i suppose). Id never flat out reject anyone interested in me, theyd probably go away on their own when they started to see the divide or create it themselves and then i would bring it to their attention.

[This message has been edited by great glavin (edited 10-07-2003).]

Okay, the truth is that I do not want to know why I've been dumped. I was too immature or too needy. These are pretty much the only reasons I get dumped and I hate to hear about them. Just say it isn't working out and I'll be cool. Unless it was really serious and I thought it was working out well, I don't need an explanation. Just tell me that I'm really cool and any guy would be lucky to have me.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:



These are the only reasons I would take a pass on a guy:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>

<LI>Too passive.

<LI>Not smart enough.

<LI>Demands too much of my time and doesn't give me space when I need it.

<LI>Talks excessively about bodily functions in an adolescent manner.

<LI>Constantly complains or talks too much shit about other people.

<LI>Is rude to waiters and other service people.

<LI>Has a bad attitude toward drugs and those who use them recreationally.

<LI>Has a bad attitude toward animals, children, the disabled and/or the elderly.

<LI>Has an unacknowledged road rage problem.

</UL>

These are not easy issues to bring up. And the whole lie "It's not you, it's me" doesn't hold up, either.



Hey I'm none of the above things and I also am looking for a girl with who I can have good conversations, meaning that she she know's who Sadam is and why there's a war in Iraq going on . You'd be surprised how many girls don't know that. I would be like "you know Sadam" and they would be like "Sadam????????????, who is that, is that like some kind of political guy or something?".



[This message has been edited by sybil (edited 10-07-2003).]

Well, some are just too ugly.

Others are too dumb.

Some others are too boring.

There's nothing really specific that sets me off. Sure, there are bad traits I avoid, but nothing that immediately leaps to mind.

I just have fairly high standards, I want a hot, brilliant and spontaneous girl, but sometimes a girl strong on two of those points can make up for a weakness on one, and attractiveness is the most important asset initially, but the least important the longer the relationship gets.

^^^is completely off topic

quote:Originally posted by FatDaddy:

I noticed you didn't put anything about an age barrier, cindy

Me too

too passive? that's not a good reason. most girls think i'm passive, but that's only because i restrain myself in front of them. the passive ones may be a lot more aggressive than you think.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

My usual tactic of fluttering away into space is starting to not work anymore.

This tactic is often not a good idea. It is not fair to the guy, and it does not provide a clean break. You need to at least tell someone that you are breaking up with them. In person is preferred, but if you are scared of confrontation, you can do the old answering machine, note, or email.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Some dudes demand answers! But only the ones they want to hear.

All situations are somewhat different, but often going into explanations is also not in the spirit of a clean break. Guys say they want to know to improve for the future, curiosity, whatever. But really they are not accepting the breakup and they want to start a convo that could turn things around and they need a list of promises to give you. That is not always the case, but often you need to just be clear that it is over and move on. If you did a good job communicating your needs during the relationship, the dude should have some clue about what is going on. 9/10 times the fact that he does not have a clue is a big part of the reason, and talking more ain't going to help that.

If you are breaking up with someone who is insisting on a reason and is getting psycho, I would recommend making up a reason he can accept or at least something he can do nothing about, as opposed to telling him the truth.

-Easy



[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 10-09-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by CaptainBlackAdder:

too passive? that's not a good reason.

Any reason is a good reason. You can like whatever you like.

-Easy

I reject people, because of low intelligence, music taste, wearing pink clothing, having problems with my drug use, having problems with what and how much i drink and people who are to childish, people who are difficult about sex (damn those only missionary and only once a day girls)... that's about it.. ohw.. and they need to have long hair.. yes yes....



ohw.. and yes i want to know exactly why i'm bein dumped.. as exact as possible

Let me ask you this cindy.. I'm sure you never get dumped because you're hot as hell and not fat but if a guy you cared about did leave you, would you want to know why?

-Easy

reasons for me rejecting a chic...

you are too horny

you are too fat

you look like my sister

you ARE my sister (i've actually had that happen... incest... ew...)

i don't like you

you're just... creepy

did you say i was retarded?

you're "too good" for me...

you're "not good enough" for me...

you're drunk at the moment

the female pig's orgasm lasts for 4-6 hours

Shalakai

that last'un was just a fun fact that usually scares people away... don't remember where i read that

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Easy Going:

[QUOTE]Originally posted by great glavin:

[b]

It's because she's fat.



doesn't look fat to me... perhaps your too judgemental???





Don't be so sure.

same to you

Her intelligence standard is pretty damn high.

an admirable quality, and one that is shown in the same shadow of her own reasoning?

Good point glavin. My apologies.

-Easy



[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 10-09-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Do guys really want to know the exact reason they were "rejected?" My usual tactic of fluttering away into space is starting to not work anymore. Some dudes demand answers! But only the ones they want to hear.

I think most guys like to think of themselves as the "nice guy who was thrown aside for some asshole." I did that exactly once, at age 16, and have suffered bad karma as a result.

These are the only reasons I would take a pass on a guy:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>

<LI>Too passive.

<LI>Not smart enough.

<LI>Demands too much of my time and doesn't give me space when I need it.

<LI>Talks excessively about bodily functions in an adolescent manner.

<LI>Constantly complains or talks too much shit about other people.

<LI>Is rude to waiters and other service people.

<LI>Has a bad attitude toward drugs and those who use them recreationally.

<LI>Has a bad attitude toward animals, children, the disabled and/or the elderly.

<LI>Has an unacknowledged road rage problem.

</UL>

These are not easy issues to bring up. And the whole lie "It's not you, it's me" doesn't hold up, either.

Guys usually don't seem to have a problem telling me why things won't work. "You do too many drugs" and "I'm afraid I'll eventually end up in prison" are common and understandable. It sucks to be rejected, but to me, it's a relief to know that it's for reasons that I probably can't change too much.

So, folks, what are some reasons you reject a potential bf/gf, and how much do you want to know about why you were rejected?

Damnit.

If only every girl was like you.

I hardly get out of the house enough to ask girls out, much less get rejected by them.

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

*sigh* Inability to take a joke is very unattractive, Mr. Great. As for the "fat" comment, look 2 posts above yours.

BTW, it's you're, not your.

-Easy

Simply correcting someones grammer and yet failing to comment on the points made by them doesnt seem too admirable as well. Also, i didnt see the joke part (was skimming over everything rather hapharzardly) but it doesnt matter as you seem to be taking things to a higher level of seriousness to begin with, quite humbling for someone with the name "easy going"???

[This message has been edited by great glavin (edited 10-08-2003).]

^^^ im not the one gettin excited

anyways people should be more honest with people in general, putting off or flat out ditching someone only makes it more likely to happen again, unless you come to the conclusion where you stop giving a damn about the whole thing, or it just doesnt seem to matter as much as it did. But if it comes back, dont be suprised...

Personally, I would really want the truth. I think it would make the break-up easier. If I really have some personality flaw that makes me undesirable to a woman I like, I would want to know that. If it seems to me that the girl is being too "picky", then she would seem less attractive to me anyway, making the break-up easier. In any case, having a clear answer, whether I like that answer or not, is better than spending weeks or months wondering why.

quote:Originally posted by great glavin:

im not the one gettin excited

sorry everybody in advance, but i have to say this

great, i don't think that's true... i talked to yer momma today and she looked like she just got fucked by a baby-dick...

Shalakai

the secret to a great relationship (for men):

Would you like to be RIGHT, or would you like to be HAPPY?

[This message has been edited by shalakai (edited 10-08-2003).]

Umm...Great Glavin is one of my favorite people and he's the only one trying not to be a dickhead here.

Ok. So this thread can be about rejection in general. Most of you guys have posted some good stuff.

I don't think my "deal breakers" are that harsh. Really, the only things I look for in a guy are extraordinary intelligence and the ability to maintain the upper hand. The rest of my list generally says "I don't like guys who are assholes and who are mean for no good reason." Note there is nothing about money, looks, religion or politics.

I can add one more thing to the "deal breaker" list, though. Sometimes,I just "sour" on a guy. Once that happens, I can't go back. This is not the same as being "turned off" which can be recovered from. But once I sour on someone, I'm done. One thing that makes me go sour is idiotic insensitivity. Example: when a guy chooses to make a lame joke that he knows might bother me personally in a particular way but does it anyways. This is a form of petty manipulation, just to see how I'll react.

Glitterpunk is starting to grow on me. Gotta appreciate someone who's so honest about herself.



[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 10-08-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by FatDaddy:

I noticed you didn't put anything about an age barrier, cindy



Oh, of course. How silly of me!

Those over age 26 needn't apply.

quote:Originally posted by shalakai:

the secret to a great relationship (for men):

Would you like to be [b]RIGHT, or would you like to be HAPPY?

[B]

Is it just me or does anyone find that concept laughable???