In a non-exclusive, non-committed "seeing each other" situation, how much does the guy want to know about the woman's other involvements?

If I tell a guy I'm seeing others, they're liable to act weird, and say things along the line of "Why did you tell me? Trying to throw me into a competition with those other guys?" Usually if I must say anything at all, I'm compelled to, because they ask too many questions about how I spend my time that's not with them.

If I never say anything about other guys, and one day I say "I can't really see you anymore because I'm leaning toward exclusivity with another fellow" then they say stuff like "I wish I would have known so I could put more effort into things." Or, if they're surly sorts, they say something along the lines of having wasted their time.

Perhaps all guys are different and the call on which way to go would have to be on a case-by-case basis. Except I often make the wrong call. Or guys are just programmed to react in a contrary manner.





[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 10-05-2003).]

Tehy can't know about it because they will think they are in competition. But they have to know so they dun waste their time if nothing comes out of it.

/\/e\/\/R/\ge

(in other words, I dun know and am trying to confuse you, and can i see your tits?)

Ha! You weren't trying to confuse me, you're proving my point about how confused you guys can be!

Umm... Yeah. I'm not really an idiot I'm proving a point. I like that, I think imma use that from now on =P

/\/e\/\/R/\ge

You're just gonna turn into a lesbian. Dont deny it... you can see it happening cant you? Good, as your psychologist I am obligated to video tape your life.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

In a non-exclusive, non-committed "seeing each other" situation, how much does the guy want to know about the woman's other involvements?



In most situations, I would say about as much as you want to hear them talk about their exes, till commitment becomes an issue. Then you have to deal with it.

-Easy

Have fun on your trip, and don't forget to get me something!



Ps: Whatever happened to the Black Flag records.....?

id act the same no matter what...

I would not disuss any details about your other relationships. I would just tell him up front that he should know he is not the only one you are seeing, and (most important, in fairness to him) that you have no intention to see only him in the future--NO MATTER HOW HARD HE TRIES! Then he knows up front that you have a non-exclusive lifestyle that you are completely happy with, and he can either be comfortable with it, and be a part of it, or not----it's up to him! Love, Venus.

Guys that do that are just being little babies. FUGGUM! They just (conscously or unconscously) pulling a double standard. Nothing is greater than they terrible, terrible truth.

Black Flag: Heh, I'm getting ready to move so I still haven't pulled the albums out. Do you actually have a turntable?

Hi Steve!

P-Pinay: Please don't go away again! Your wisdom is needed here.

L. Pea: That's...depressing! Is the "terrible truth" always better, though? Some prefer illusion to despair. I know I do.

A guy likes a girl, figures being with her in some capacity is better than not being with her at all, and decides to roll the dice and go along with this non-exclusive thing. What the hell, right? Not only is he with her, but it's ok for him to get a little something on the side if he can. This much should be apparent.

So why do some guys act all weird when everything doesn't shake down the way they want? Because either they didn't get the girl, which was the entire point to start with, or (related) another guy proved more desirable than them, which is too big a blow to their ego for them to handle. What they fail to understand is that, especially in relationships, you can do everything right and still not win. Such is the nature of human interaction. She may click better with another guy at first sight than she will with you no matter how long you've known her. This, too, should be relatively obvious.

So what to do? Case-by-case as a general rule, but the best bet is to make it as clear as possible that when you say non-exclusive, you mean it, and that if it comes to light that you're seeing someone else, he'd better not throw a hissyfit. In nearly all instances, this will cause the guy to either respect that (or get pissed off) and walk away, knowing deep down that he won't be able to handle it, or (more likely) get involved with a more appropriate mindset. Then, if the aforementioned situation occurs, things won't be as messy. As unreasonable as people can get, they're surprisingly easy to work with in general if all the cards are laid on the table as early as possible.

quote:Originally posted by pretty pinay:

...Then he knows up front that you have a non-exclusive lifestyle that you are completely happy with, and he can either be comfortable with it, and be a part of it, or not----it's up to him! Love, Venus.

i actually for once agree with you 100%.

shit, girls make us do it...if not then we're being "misleading". 420...

Ooh, I know. When you are on top of him, screwing his brains out, start to talk about the guy you banged last week. That turn out interesting.

quote:Originally posted by Little Pea:

Ooh, I know. When you are on top of him, screwing his brains out, start to talk about the guy you banged last week. That turn out interesting.



who doesn't love that?

^^Funnily enough, some guys like such talk. Usually if it's not true, though.

Just for the record, if it makes a difference, I personally don't have sex with a guy I'm not in a non-exclusive relationship with...unless he lives really, really far away and I'm seeing him for a finite amount of time. Everyone knows out-of-town flings don't count.

And I don't have out of town flings if I'm already in a committed relationship. It's just common courtesy.

Cindy...Take it from me, the prince of the insane population...Guys are all weird!!!

Take my mate for example...He refers to himself as a "player" and is seeing about 4 girls at the moment.

He tells me every detail about each of them, which I really don't want to know, but that's a different story!

Basically from the intelligence I have gathered, he doesn't like these girls to tell him about other guys they are seeing but will get pissed off when one of them decides to be with a specific guy and moans to me about "Why didn't she tell me there were other blokes?!?!"

The only reason I can see for this behaviour is that guys are all freaks (me included I suppose!) who can't make up their minds...Alot like women and decorating!!!

well for more elaboration a girl tells me that she is seeing other guys before we go out or after we start going out or whatever.

Of course my first question is why (even though i know the anwser but certainty is better then later obsenities.)

her response: "I'm playing the field"

i dont have a problem with this and things go as usual in a relationship until deeper questions on who we are start getting asked (even if she doesnt initiate it i will). She begins to learn alot about me because shes playing the field obviously and hopefully isnt turned away from me so quickly that i cant finish explaining or she simply doesnt care enough to understand it or care about my situation. Based on who she is however she'll either understand what im saying or not, if she does shes mine if she doesnt it'd never work out anyways so no skin off my back (except for the continous depression from being with noone).

END STATEMENT: If a guy takes offense to you looking at other guys and him at the same time he is an idiot and not worth your time. If he tries to find the reason for why it is necessary for YOU to come to the point of guy shopping then you actually have something. Of course the guy must be cool about the situation first and be himself as well. Any guy who complains about your decisions and questions in the wrong context of reasoning isnt worth using reason on.

my response on the concept of date shopping: i dont do it, any girl im interested in has my full attnetion until i notice the divide between us becomes too obvious and too unfixable.

^^I gotcha, glavin. I suppose the situation is different if a guy wants my full attention from the get-go and asks for it specifically.

If I like him enough, I might be inclined to run with it. A guy who tells me up front, "When I seek something beyond friendship I'm looking for a relationship" then I might think that guy is pretty cool, and sincere.

So if I opt to stick with Mr. Commitment, I have the fun task of telling anyone else I might be seeing that I can't see them anymore. Then comes the "Oh, I didn't realize you were wanting a relationship. Sure, we can have one, forget that other guy."

Argh! Why didn't they say that before?

Wow Spiffy...well said!

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 10-05-2003).]

meh... i really wouldn't tell them anything. i know that i hate hearing about my girlfriends old boyfriends, much less someone she was seeing. i just don't like the thought of kissing the mouth that sucked someone elses dick last night. know what i mean? i guess it really goes on a guy to guy basis, tell each one how much you think they want to know. i for one wouldn't want to know anything.

then again, if i found out, i'd be mad that you didn't tell me. damn cindy, this is a tough one. umm, i guess i would just want to know that you were with other guys in the same fashion as you were with me.

DC just stop tryin to understand guys

Females will never understand males as will males never truly understand females

what is really somethin to be concerned about is why doens't anybody seem to really understand their own sex

Both sexes seem to have irrational, inexplicable, and contrary impulses buffeting them. If you're comfortable talking with the other person, I'd say informing them up front is better. Someone who's confident enough isn't even going to see the other guys as competition... just distractions, like midges or fruitflies.