I was wondering what ya'll thought about getting pregnant. Me and J are getting married in a year or so and I know we should wait, but do you think we should have a baby? I want one and so does he. I'm on birth control and we both can handle the responsibility of a child. Should we have one now or wait a few years?? Please no smart ass comments.

If it were me, I'd wait as long as possible.

Surely you'd like some "alone" time with your new husband? And perhaps some time to get adjusted to each other past the "honeymoon" phase. Even if you've been living together for years, things are different when that noose, er I mean, knot is tied.

Plus, saving some extra money never hurts. A child is a half million dollar debt over a lifetime. And for the first 5 years, you won't have time to do anything but raise the child.

very tru. i would hold off as long as you really can. as MUCH as EVERYONE says that theyre ready to take care of a child, they havent even scratched the surface of what it takes. im not saying that youre unable too or anything, im just saying that no matter how *ready* you are, its still gonna be a handful more than you expected...

ts

This is not a smart ass comment. Seriously. If you have to ask for advice on Totse as to whether or not you should bring a child into the world - you ain't ready.

Get married. Spend at least a year together - just the two of you. Give yourselves some time to bond. It's a long road ahead. No need to rush.

From experience,

wait. Make sure you are ready.

Roof, money, food. Some minor priorities.

Also, be sure you are ready for the responsibility. Those 2 hour feedings suck.

Also, baby supplies are another expense.

Just be ready.

Wait until you're 30 before having a kid. Studies have shown theres less of a chance of the kidding growing up to be a ghetto banger piece of redneck drug junky trash. This is mainly because the parents are mature and have more experience. Its my personal belief that anyone under 30 is pretty much immature, not enough wisdom and too many horomones.

I couldn't have said it better than deadlycindy.

And i don't think that by asking it means you're unready; everybody is a little unsure (unless they've been trying for years and sometimes lose perspective on the original idea)...

But aside from the guaranteed expenses of a normal bubbly baby, you might want to prepare yourself, at least mentally (because financially is quite difficult) for the unprepared:

-miscarriage

-twins or triplets

-a special needs baby that will need way more time, money, patience and bonding between you and your husband than a normal child.

To be fair though, most couples never ever think further than maternity leave and names so take all this with a pinch of baby powder....

I'll take the other side of this, although I agree in principle with what everyone else has said.

The sooner you have a child, the younger you are as a parent. Duh, right? Think about it, though.. in a way, you're still growing up. You'd grow with your child. It creates a kind of bond, especially through the kid's teenage years, that can't be duplicated any other way.

That, of course, is an exceptionally poor reason to rush into parenthood. I say it because it's also a reason not to hold back if you're ready. But since a stable family is key, you need to be with your man for awhile and be as sure as possible that relationship will stick. Once you've reached that point, and you're financially prepared (which does not necessarily mean a big house and shit, it means having plenty of liquid assets, health care, and income), go for it.