...yet not needed entirely quickly. I don't want to bore everyone again, so I will try to be brief. My g/f and I "broke up" about a month ago, and we have been talking everyday, if not on the phone then on the internet, but there hasn't been a day yet that we haven't had some sort of communication with each other. My friends say that if I keep talking to her everyday, its like we are still going out, and she won't ever really want to go out with me again, because I already am giving her one of the qualities of having a b/f, which would be having someone to talk to. I have heard from some of her friends that she is thinking about us going out again, but I still can't trust that totally. So, should I keep talking to her everyday (she will call me, msg me on the cell, msg me on the computer, I try to not make the first "communication move" thanks to friends' advice) or should I ignore (not pick up) her when she calls, maybe pick up every other time or every two times she calls? Maybe I am thinking about this too hard...anyway, thanks for any help.

Yeah, you're thinking about it too hard.

Look, playing hard to get rarely works the second time around, why? Because she's already been with you and already knows what you're about so the curiosity factor isn't there.

Right now I'm with a guy who has lost interest in me. I considered playing hard to get, but being loving and caring toward him is what makes me happy too. If I put my nose in the air and pretended I didn't love him anymore just to get a reaction from him then I'd only be deceiving both of us.

If being there for your ex is what makes you happy, if it's honestly what you enjoy then keep doing it. Is she there for you too? Do you make each other happy? Or is she just coming to you when her life is going shitty because she knows you're a sucker for her?

If you think she's just using you and the only reaon you're talking with her is because you hope it'll bring her 'round then I'd give cutting off contact a bit more consideration.

Hey, you're lucky. I'm trying to get my old g/f to go out w/ me again. I'll gladly take your 'bad luck' from me.

Anyway, my advice is to gradually decrease the amount of time you spend talking. Wean her off of it.

eg. Be slower in answering the phone, until you stop entirely. ditto for comp.

You didn't come out and say it, but does she have the "upper hand?" Meaning, you'd like to still be a couple, but she is dithering?

If so, you're a sucker.

Sarc's naivete is sweet sometimes, about that whole lot of rot about "honestly enjoying being there for your ex." Bull pucky. You're hanging around in hopes of getting back together.

Almighty, stop responding. You're doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking. By "being there" for all her calls, you're doing the guy version of the "dumped women who continue to have sex with their ex for whatever silly reason they concoct." In other words, you're filling a need for her, but what has she done for you lately?

And "allowing you to enjoy her company" doesn't count.

lol, I meant "being there" as sharing a friendship... I haven't had too many problems maintaining friendships with ex's... as long as they weren't pushing to get back into a relationship with me.

It sounds to me that in this case he's just being there for her because he hopes it'll get her back, and he's also only considering cutting off contact with her in the hopes that it'll bring her back... I say either way don't do anything with the motivation of bringing her back, I just don't think it ever really works.

Just recognize that your ex is her own person and what you do or don't do has little effect on the decisions she'll make regarding the future of your relationship... be it friendly or romantic. Guys get too torn up and scrambled when they stress over getting girls back. If you're already split then the time for saving your relationship is over, just let it go and rebuild.

[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 10-01-2003).]

^^I've had to "disappear" on indecisive men on more than one occasion. In each case, they came around. The longer I stayed out of the picture, the more panicked they became.

However, while "gone" I had to keep the frame of mind that they were indeed out of the picture. This meant free-for-all dating with inappropriate men, simply to avoid the pining that can come with dissolved relationships.

I probably shouldn't post this here, considering my latest prospects..

OooOh, cindy's dating a computer geek!

^^Damn straight! Computer geeks are all smoldering sensuality underneath. Whether they know it or not. I suggest you get yourself one, or several.