I know, I know, I have to answer that for myself. I just want some good solid opinions.

I'm a 17 year old virgin. I've been with the same guy for going on two years now and love him to death. We've been talking lately about having sex, mostly joking around and such.

But when we do talk seriously about it, it always ends with me backing out because I'm scared. And I'm not quite sure why.

He tells me he'll stay with me forever, no matter what because he loves me. Am I too young to love him back as much and trust him? Am I too naive to accept full consequences of these actions?

Thanks for your answers in advance.

You're ready when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're ready... when you have no doubts, questions, second-thoughts...

Luckily it is as simple as that.

If you're still questioning it, then you're not ready. GL, take your time.

quote:Originally posted by Unhinged:



He tells me he'll stay with me forever, no matter what because he loves me.

If this issue is in any way relevant to your decision, reconsider. I hope you're not holding out on the sex as a sort of "currency" for a long-term promise.

Nothing at age 17 is "forever."

The reason to have sex is because you really, truly want to, without reservations or regrets. If you have someone friendly for your first time, that's icing on the cake.

Wait until your ready, but try to get yourself ready ASAP. Your 17, and you think it'll last, but theren's only a chance in hell it will.

Your better off having sex with him, so that at least this one, first time its something special with someone special.

do you think he's playing you? do you think he's using you to try to get into your pants? have you done, other things? or when you say sex, do you mean oral sex too? does he feel the same way about it? i mean, is he scared too, does he want to wait?

if you like him enough to stay with him for 2 years, then fuck it man, go for it. if all he wanted was sex, he'd have dropped you by now. hell, most teenage guys would have, even if they did like you. what are you scared of? sex is a fun experience, that with some practice could really open up a new world for you. it's better to do it with someone you actually care about than to do it with some random guy in two years because you didn't now. plus, the experience is valuable. in my opinion, these years go fast, make the most you can of them.

it's better to make bad decisions, then regret missed chances.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

If this issue is in any way relevant to your decision, reconsider. I hope you're not holding out on the sex as a sort of "currency" for a long-term promise.

Nothing at age 17 is "forever."

The reason to have sex is because you really, truly want to, without reservations or regrets. If you have someone friendly for your first time, that's icing on the cake.





aye to that.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Nothing at age 17 is "forever."



Isn't that the truth.

quote:Originally posted by jack's missing mind:

Your better off having sex with him, so that at least this one, first time its something special with someone special.

So the person you decide to marry wouldn't be considered special?

quote:Originally posted by LwaysTired:

So the person you decide to marry wouldn't be considered special?

I'm assuming your joking.

Not that sex with the person you marry isn't special but I mean...

The person you marry your first?

Haha.

wow, this guy has been with you for 2 years and no sex at all? Thats pretty amazing, but yea of course you're ready. I mean if this guy gave 2 years of his life to you, i think the least you can do is suck his dick.

quote:Originally posted by jack's missing mind:

I'm assuming your joking.

Not that sex with the person you marry isn't special but I mean...

The person you marry your first?

Haha.



And why the hell NOT?

quote:Originally posted by Sarcophagus:

And why the hell NOT?

Because a healthy marriage requires good sex, so you're better off getting some practice in beforehand.

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

Because a healthy marriage requires good sex, so you're better off getting some practice in beforehand.

Wrong...that's not even close to being correct, or funny for that matter. But seriously, you think that you have to go through life having sex with people before actually being married? That's dumb, and furthermore...it's unsafe. I was too busy running around doing shit, to worry about who I was going to bone. When it happened, it did...and then we got married.

[This message has been edited by LwaysTired (edited 09-19-2003).]

It's not a rule, merely a suggestion. There's nothing wrong with getting the kinks out, as it were, before you find someone you want to settle down with. There's also nothing wrong with marrying the only person you've ever been with. I only suggest not actively searching or waiting for "The One" when chances for practical experience in making "The One" happy with people you find attractive are available.

All of this has really helped. Thank you entirely...

Now to answer questions...

Am I holding out on sex to keep him with me?

No. I have some moral issues about it, and consider it very special to be shared with someone special.

Do I think he's playing me? Do I think he's using me to get in my pants?

Truthfully, no. Every time we talk seriously about it, he tells me that he respects me and my choices and would not ever make a decision about us based on the fact I will have sex, or I won't. Plus the fact that I've been with him for two years kind of eliminates that chance.

Have I done other things?

No, not really. We have dry sex (for lack of better words). But he has never been "down my pants". So, yes, when I say sex I mean everything.

Does he feel the same way about it? Does he want to wait?

He has told me that with girlfriends before that wanted to, he never did because he wasn't comfortable with them. (he's a virgin too) He told me that he's thought a lot about it, and is ready whenever/if I am. But, yet again, he tells me it doesn't matter to him either way, that he'll love me no matter what.

The whole marriage isuue...

Those were my morals. I made a pact to save sex until marriage. However now that I'm a little older and understand exactly what that meant, I realize that it would be quite awkward if no one knew what sex was/how to do it until marriage. Think about it. You really should know, and me, being a hands on learner :-) I figure it would helpful to actually experience it beforehand.

As for what I'm going to do, I'm still not sure. Thank you TONS for all the advice though... keep it coming

ok.........

sex and love AREN'T THE SAME THING....IF YOU THINK THEY ARE YOUR A FUCKING RETARD.....

sex is sex

love is love

sex is apart of love

love isn't always apart of sex....

i mean fucking hell...

Don't get angry... I know they are two separate entities. However, in my mind, when I have sex I want it to be with someone I love.

When you're in the sack with your guy and are about to do it THEN you're ready to do it!

This guy sounds like a decent guy if he isn't preussuring you to have sex with him.

Just take your time and let nature take its course. When you feel ready to give yourself to him completely then go for it. You might just like it!!!

i always thought you don't have to talk about it and it at some point wil come naturraly (with my first Reall girlfriend.. it came after 4 weeks).. it just happens..one moment your foolin around... and next moment... bamm.. there goes virginity.... if it doesn't work like that.... i just don't know

i think you sound like you should go for it. i mean, you obviously care about this guy. i always interpreted it as you shouldn't have sex before love, not you shuldn't have sex before marraige. yea, maybe you'll break up someday, maybe you won't. but if you two do part ways, would you wish you did have sex with him?

the question is, do you love him? i mean, by the sound of it, you do. he obviously respects you, and cares for you. you really are missing out on something that could bring the two of you infinately closer together.

quote:Originally posted by Unhinged:

However, in my mind, when I have sex I want it to be with someone I love.

that's exactly how you should be thinking. good stuff...

but can i suggest you do those 'other' things first, going a bit further than just 'dry sex'. they're just as much an emotionally charged/love-type thing as sex is, but they're not as much of a big step. if u were comfortable making the decision to do them, and were comfortable during them then i think it will help you realise wether or not u want to have sex...

xx

Thank you so much! I think I will move on to these "littler things first". And I guess whatever happens happens.