I'll tell you a story, and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Please give me feedback on what your reaction would be if you put yourself in the situation.

My guy has a headcold, and I probably gave it to him so I feel a tad guilty, but I've been taking good care of him, lots of pills and juice and affection.

Yesterday (sat) we both had to go into work, he for 12 hours and I for 4. I decided to fix a nice dinner, so I ran to the store on the way home from work and picked up a few things. I also passed a flower shop and saw some lovely red roses, thought of him and picked them up hoping they would brighten his day a little.

We got home at the same time, I gave him firm instructions to go relax while I cooked dinner. 2 hours later it was ready, panfried ahi with a cream & white wine sauce, served over hot couscous, and a beautiful tomato-basil bruchetta on the side. Was pretty lovely if I say so myself. :P

Anyway, he got up from the computer when it was ready, and dug in. I asked him what he thought of it and he said it was "ok." He ate quite quickly and was half-way through his couscous when he announced he had had enough, and moved his plate aside.

I eat quickly as well, but I was only half-way through the meal. Her got up and said he was going to go back to the computer, I said "ok" thinking that because he was sick he wasn't thinking clearly, and would realize in a moment how rude he was being.

Well, he did realise it too.... about 2 minutes later he turned around, looked at my face and asked me what was wrong, I asked "when you fix nice dinners do I usually get up and do other things when you're half way through the meal?" he answered "no" and turned back around. Few minutes later he asked if I wanted him to come back and join me, and I responded "you do what you think is right" and he did... by continuing to sit behind the computer.

After about 10 more minutes I was done, so I got up and went and cleaned the kitchen, that took about 20 minutes, then I hear him yell from the office "what are you doing?" I respond "I cleaned up the kitchen" he says "oh, you didn't have to do that" well it's not gonna fuckin clean itself sweetheart...

I came to the office and asked him, did what he was doing have to be done that night? (he was ordering computer parts, the order wouldn't even be picked up by anyone at the computer company until monday morning) so he answered no, it didn't need to be done until sunday night, but did not stop... not even to look at me while answering the question... instead he just acted irritated that I was interrupting him... my patience started wearing thin. I told him that I found what he did very rude and was bothered by it, he continued to work, saying "well I'm sorry babe, I'll remember that next time" (which he won't because this has happened before) At that point I started getting angry, I raised the tone of my voice and asked him, since what he was doing was NOT in any way urgent could he please give me his attention for a few moments to sort out my growing frustration... "could you please do that later?" I finished, and he responded "NO, I am doing it NOW!"

At this point I walked into the office, picked up the roses, hissed "then stay in here all fucking night!" and walked to the kitchen where I jammed the roses down the garbage disposal one by one. Not that he would care, he didn't really give much notice to them anyway.... I just needed to fuck up something and the roses were the most useless things around.

I then went to take a shower



shit, got to go. I'll finish this later.

Poor guy was sick to begin with ....and you go and make a big deal out of something that could have been easily avoided. When you are sick, do you always feel like sitting down and having a full dinner? Or more like a small soup, or something here and there, maybe some crackers, glass of tea. Not this dramatic dinner.

Listen you're a wonderful person for doing all that. I just think you chose the wrong day to do it.

That's my guess too, unless he's just a permanent asshole (which I doubt).

I don't understand why he was so cold towards you unless you are leaving something out. I personally would love a home-cooked meal, especially if it was cooked for me by my girlfriend. So I'm dumbfounded.....

Does he usually get pissy when he's sick?

Sarc, you're not helping with my cynicism toward love and relationships. This is why I stick to friends and fuck buddies. I can't deal with drama anymore.

He was sick, and guys tend to be at their worst when ill. Sounds like he needed his space at that moment, and you preferred that he provide company. Tension was inevitable.

Sure, I hate it when I make an effort to do something nice for someone and they don't respond as I would have liked. I get the feeling I've just tossed all my efforts into a black hole, never to be seen, appreciated, or acknowledged again. That sucks ass.

So, I've learned never to expect any particular reaction. And I rarely go out of my way to please someone else. Cook a nice dinner for yourself, first and foremost. If he likes it, great. If not, that's his problem.

I wonder, if you would have just let him go sulk in front of his computer, if he would have later apologized for being a dipshit.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Sarc, you're not helping with my cynicism toward love and relationships. This is why I stick to friends and fuck buddies. I can't deal with drama anymore.



Awwww

Nah, he wouldn't have appologized later on... it's not that he was in a bad mood, he was in a good mood. And it's a head-cold... that means runny nose, guys, we're not talking seriously sick. I asked what he would like for dinner, and prepared it, so it wasn't that he wanted soup... I fixed what he requested, and had he not wanted to finish eating it that wouldn't be a problem, I just wanted him to be curtious and sit with me until I had finished eating too, that is only proper manners. When someone goes to the trouble of cooking a nice meal you at least have the good manners to wait until they're finished before you get up to do your own thing.

And the thing is, I didn't make a big deal out of it until he refused to tear himself away from the computer for a few moments to resolve the situation. I approached it patiently and calmly... It wasn't until I had reached a point of anger and frustration that he wanted to come and sort it out...



Why couldn't he just want to sort things out while I'm still calm? Why does he ignore 5 opportunities to easily avoid the whole situation by simply getting up, and saying "oops, I'm sorry, how rude of me" (he KNEW it was rude, which is why he kept turning around and asking me if I wanted him to come back) Why does he wait until I'm in the shower and furious and at the point where I just don't give a shit anymore... why THEN does he decide it's time to do the right thing? it seems so stupid to me...



He didn't used to be this way.

Sex will fix problems. I would be pissed too. I really don't know what to tell you, I would just move on and pretend it didn't happen. Maybe lay off trying to do nice things for a while, he may notice...



Shek

Okay, he's ill. Even just a cold can make you feel like shit.

Then he has to go to work. For twelve hours.

Then he comes home. He eats a meal. Because he has a head cold, it probably tastes like nasal mucus (everything does).

Then you start to bitch at him.

What did you fucking expect?

Don't listen to them, he only had a fucking cold, if he had something quasi serious I'd might feel inclined to agree with them. But as that wasn't the case and all he had was a cold he wasn't justified in treating you like that, it would have only taken one sentence from him like "sorry baby I don't feel well you don't mind if I...." for everything to be ok

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

Sarc, you're not helping with my cynicism toward love and relationships. This is why I stick to friends and fuck buddies. I can't deal with drama anymore.

i'm 110% behond cindy on the relationship issue. i thought i was the only one...hmm.

anyway, on to sarco. you kick ass. if my ex did an ounce of what you did in one night for me in five years, she'd still have a ring on her finger. but everybody can be selfish and moody at times. i think it was just a bad day for him and you took it too personal. sometimes, a guy justs wants to be left alone no matter how much you want to help and take care of him. i'm positive he already knows how he acted was wrong and either apologize or make it up another way. 420...

[This message has been edited by NOLIJ420 (edited 09-14-2003).]

*Starts singing*

He had it comin'! He had it comin'! He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it, I betcha you would've done the same!

Yes, and no. You have to be more patient when someone is sick. Even a lowsy cold will make someone feel like shit and probably seems like a dickhead. They're sick, tired, and well, a rough day, so it seems like bitching at the guy when he already is sick just doesn't help any.

i am not saying anything but my work comes before anything that is just me though . why put off till sunday when you can do it now. but that is me . he might have just wanted to do it while it was fresh in his mind ...

but being rude to a loved one is not nice . expllicy when thay are doing all of this for you .

rose,s that would be nice never got anything like that.

pikk

quote:Originally posted by DarkFire47:

Yes, and no. You have to be more patient when someone is sick. Even a lowsy cold will make someone feel like shit and probably seems like a dickhead. They're sick, tired, and well, a rough day, so it seems like bitching at the guy when he already is sick just doesn't help any.

You never saw Chicago, did you?

Do you do nice stuff like that for him all the time? If you do he might be starting to take you for granted, I don't know enough about your situation to assume that is the case though.

ok he sounds like bit of a jerk. wait for how long before he apologises. then boot him up the ass

I do think that you over reacted a bit. He had worked for 12 hours, and he felt sick... I really don't understand why you felt the need for him to sit there with you until you were done eating. I sure wouldn't have wanted to sit still and wait for someone to eat when I feel sick. I'd want to be left alone, and not bitched at.

I'll echo what Cindy said about him apologizing if you had left him alone. It sounds like what happened is that he got up, realized in the back of his mind that he was fucking up, yet proceeded with the fuck-up because he was unable to stop himself. It may very well have had to do with him being sick, and thus in a slightly altered state of mind. That's his problem, not yours.

Had you left him alone longer, though, maybe he wouldn't have apologized, but perhaps you could have said the same thing later on and received a better reaction. I don't know, that depends on the guy. "Later", in this case, might mean the next day. Whether this would have worked is something you know much better than we do.

In the future, though, for your own sake, don't expect others to follow what you consider to be good manners. Sometimes they're just not in the mood to do so.

It was rude of him to do those things but when someone's ill they don't normally think straight!

Next time just sit back and calm down...Then calmly tell him that it's pissed you off and see how he reacts to it.

If he doesn't seem bothered then something is wrong in that relationship...VERY wrong.

If he is bothered then just sit down an talk to him.

Either that or just turn the computer off and say "We are talking NOW...Sit down and shut up!"

You people are insane.

This guy works 12 hours, and comes home probably tired and sick as shit. Instead of letting him be, you got all in his face demanding attention and acting like he should act perfectly polite instead of tired and frustrated like he probably was.

When I get home from work, I like to go straight to my room, shut the fucking door and ignore my family asking me shit. There's nothing I hate more than coming home, having my siblings ask me what I fucking bought for them like I'm some big money making machine, having my dad say "aw son dont you wanna have dinner with me" like... ugh, dont people understand that Im not mad at them, I just want to be left alone?

You didn't leave the kid alone, and I don't blame him for acting the way he did. You demanded waaay too much fucking attention, and it is my opinion that you were way out of line, not him.

Who am I to truly judge though? I don't know you or him anyways. From what I know from personal experiences, people should be left alone when they get home from work, not have someone demand attention and start an argument. That's the last thing they need.

You won't believe how well BJ's work to get him to do something.

Thanks guys for your input, most of it makes sense, however some of it I think wouldn't apply to the situation... I'll clarify one thing, it wasn't attention I was seeking, merely courtesy... in the home I was raised it was considered poor manners to get up from the dinner table before everyone had finished eating... sort of a slap in the face of the person who prepared the meal.

I guess those manners are outdated?

I can assume that your family doesn't request that you stay seated until everyone is finished with their plate? I guess most people eat in front of the tv these days.

Anyway, his family is the same, you have to have a really good reason to leave the table early... and playing on the computer doesn't qualify as a good reason.

P.S. I've been taking care of him since he got sick, at his very beck and call... so your assumption that I was giving him a hard time, or "bitching" is way off... the last thing I'm gonna do is bitch to a grumpy sick person, that I care about... considering his level of sickness (nasal congestion guys, can't stress that enough, I was the one who gave it to him which means that I went through it first and knew exactly how he was feeling) I still think he had no excuse to blow me off the way he did.

He seemed to realize this too, because he came to me to sort it out... but only after 30 minutes of waiting and trying two different calm approaches, and then giving up and wanting nothing to do with him. Why did he fail to respond to a kind approach, instead waiting for me to get angry?

Also consider that this isn't the first time this has happened, it's been happening on a regular basis when he's perfectly well. I shouldn't have even mentioned him having a cold because it seems to have thrown some of you way off track, but I was trying to give you as many details as I could to get the best opinions.

[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 09-14-2003).]

http://www.goatse.cx/hello.jpg" width="90" height="90 (http://www.goatse.cx/hello.jpg" width="90" height="90) does this look infected?

^ Ban im

for fucks sake

you know what girls... you pick the wrong guys

ohw, and Sarcophagus after readin what you posted, al that comes to mind is that ya guy is a major ass

quote:Originally posted by fishhead:

http://www.goatse.cx/hello.jpg" width="90" height="90 (http://www.goatse.cx/hello.jpg" width="90" height="90) does this look infected?

Fishhead, I'm sure that you think you're being clever, offensive, or "controversial" but you're just making yourself look like an idiot. What are you trying to do?

Sarc, I think that you being upset is understandable, but his frustration is completely justifiable. Even if he was perfectly well he had just spent 12 hours at work.

Pick me sarco

you never answered my email either you n00by nz'er

Yeah esky, I'm a slackass motherfucker, aye... *sigh*

You're nearing 40... *cheeky grin* but you're still dirty enough to settle for a 21yo chicky aren't you? Ben will vouch for my cooking/cleaning/sex skills. :P

I appologized for not going easier since he was sick...



men are pussies, you think a headcold is a reason to take time off work... fuck I don't even take time off for a fever. *growl*

...pussies.

^God Damnit Sarc! Stop judging all men by your BF! I already told you he is in a different galaxy than me! I have been sent home from work by my boss because I was too sick.

-Easy

hehe, relax. I was only being bitter and disgruntled. :P

I know not all men are the same... if I met this guy now, the way he is... I wouldn't even consider dating him.... unfortunately I knew him before he became an ass, so there's that trembling little hope in the back of my mind that it's only depression or some kind of wierd phase... cause he's a bit too old for it to be the end of puberty or anything permenant like that... geezus I hope so.

I know, I know, I was just giving you shit.