So I called my girlfriend after not talking to her for about a week, I hadn't had time to call her.

Well, I get her mom on the phone, and I ask to speak to Jessica. Her mom says something to the effect of "Okay, but she's not doing too well right now". That alone freaks me out, but okay, whatever. So Jess gets on the phone, and she doesn't remember who I am. Fuck.

After about an hour of talking to her, it comes out that she got a serious concussion, hasn't been going to school, has no job now, and got kicked off of soccer. She got the concussion playing soccer, so her parents got pissed at the coach, so he kicked her off. Wonderful.

So now she's depressed, lonely, bored out of her mind, and she doesn't really remember me. I love this girl, and it took everything I had to not just break down and cry right then and there when she had to ask who I was. I guess the real question here is: what the hell is someone supposed to do in this situation?

[This message has been edited by Third_Rail (edited 09-13-2003).]

What was your relationship like before? Had you just started going out? Long time? Had she told you she loved you? Sex? Or had you just had a crush for a long time and things were just starting?

-Easy

edit: I wanted to add that most of the time serious memory loss is not permanent. Don't try to force her to remember without her parent's concent as they will have instructions from a doctor.

[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 09-13-2003).]

fuck dude thats a rough ass situation. how much of you did she remember? not at ALL? wow thats fuckin nuts. i say keep talking to her and try and start shit over if it has to, but hopefully she'll at least remember you. i don't know what else to suggest...

I'm really sorry bro that sucks...

First things first. Talk to her parents and ask what the doctor says should be done.

I'm going to take an educated guess (so I could be wrong) and say it'll be recommended that people who were familiar to her before should be around her now to try and jog her memory. I'm sure you can do that, no problem.

I'll just offer a (hopefully unnecessary) word of warning- her mind has been altered by this experience, regardless of when her memory returns. In a sense, you're making a first impression all over again. I don't know what you're like normally, but you seem nice enough, so it shouldn't be a problem.. but still, remember that she'll be seeing you in a brand new light. She won't be chalking things up to, "Oh, that's just the way he is."

Thanks for all the responses... We've been together for almost a year now, and I love her so much. She was telling people she'd never been happier in her life, etc etc. In any case, I'm going to spend some time with her soon, probably later today. I'll just be who I am, and I'll be there for her.

Oh, and her mother wants me to spend time with Jess, she's really depressed about this situation.

Whoa, Third_Rail, sorry to hear that. That indeed qualifies as "worst news ever" for you.

Don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, except spend the time with her that you can, and perhaps read up on her condition.

Hope all turns out ok.

That's fucked mate...Sorry to hear about it.

I have heard that being with the victim (patient if that will suit you a little better!) and talking to them about the past can dredge up memories.

Using physical stimuli, I dunno, going somewhere you used to go, showing something you bought when you were together and talking about the day you got it...Things like that.

Or you could optionally just be there for her to cheer her up and look after her and stuff can help her as a person...Hopefully the memories will come back on their own in time.

If I were in that position I would probably be in the same mind frame as you buddy...Not knowing what the hell to do with myself!

Try learning about the condition and seeing what methods can be used and what others did in the situation. You have the largest wealth of knowledge at your fingertips so get on the web and learn.

Again, deepest sympathy guvna...And good luck!

Wow, sorry to hear about that, it must be really awful. Since you're going to be spending time with her trying to "jog her memory" you should do things that are good 'recallers'. What I mean is try to do things that you two did often, things that invoked a big emotional response in her pre-concussion, or try to be around smells that she associates with her life, eg. your cologne, her mom's cooking, etc. Smell is one of the best reminders, I'm sure everyone almost immediately recognises a smell when they come across it. (I'm not just saying this from personal experience, it actually is the best sense for recall).

Anyway, good luck to you and her, I hope this improves very soon

I don't want to sound capricious, but is there any chance that she wanted to break up and is using this concussion thing as an excuse ("right, who are you again?").

If not, and by the sounds of your relationship then probably not, man it sounds like she had a serious concussion. Even the depression fits in with post traumatic syndrome.

In general, the severity of the injury is guaged by the amount of memory loss of the events that occured after the concussion. I'd say that not knowing who you were is a pretty severe indicator.

Other symptoms of the post-tramatic stress syndrome are irritability, inability to concentrate or cope with simple things and a persistent headache. People usually gradually improve after, even up to 2 years later.

Just make sure that if there's a big personality change, fuzzy thinking or bad balance that you encourage her parents to get her head scanned for the possibility of a small bleed inside the skull. Not a big deal, just important to know about.

quote:So I called my girlfriend after not talking to her for about a week, I hadn't had time to call her.

Well, I get her mom on the phone, and I ask to speak to Jessica. Her mom says something to the effect of "Okay, but she's not doing too well right now". That alone freaks me out, but okay, whatever. So Jess gets on the phone, and she doesn't remember who I am. Fuck.

awww man i had the exact same problem... but then i found this other girl named jessica and i banged her. now she has a concussion.

Okay, well, I just spent the evening with her. She was distant for a few hours, but after talking for a while, she came over to me and cuddled up, and called me by her nickname for me, so she's doing a bit better now.

Her mother was very happy that I was there with her, and even invited me to a fireworks show earlier tonight, which I went to.

We all had fun, and by the end of the fireworks, Jess was a lot better... She kissed me, asked me to hold her close, and started talking like normal again...

However, she did have her moments of considerably less lucidity; she wouldn't even hold my hand while we were waiting for the fireworks, she treated me like I was only a distant friend. But then 10 minutes later she knew who I was, etc...

This is going to be weird for a while, but I'm going to be there for her through all of it.

dude after a year relation i would have almost killed myself if i loved the girl just to wake up and know the one you love has no clue who the hell you are

quote:Originally posted by Flamin_Pyro:

dude after a year relation i would have almost killed myself if i loved the girl just to wake up and know the one you love has no clue who the hell you are

...that makes me feel ever so much better.

ok ok ok im srry i posted that wasnt good on my part to make you feel any more better in your situation

spend time with her and she should start to remember so she has a case of amnesia there are ways to jog her memory keep at it and spend shit loads of time with her

[This message has been edited by Flamin_Pyro (edited 09-14-2003).]

Think of it this way buddy:

She is getting closer and closer to you all the time and is remembering things about you and your relationship.

But if she doesn't remember many things, she is learning new things.

For example, she knows you two are a couple...But she doesn't remember things you used to do...So go out and do them over again and she'll learn them over again!

Reminds me of some chick flick I was forced to watch by an ex girlfriend and this guy got his bird to learn things over again and they lived happily ever after!

It could be worse.. Be thankful you did not get her pregnant.

Wow that definetly blows. If you keep spending time with her she is the same person, and even if she did lose her memory completely she will still like you. It's not like she is a different person, but she just doesn't remember. Basically what I am trying to say is that if you keep doing the stuff you did before, there should be no reason at all why she wouldn't like you again Just give it time, and I wish the best of luck for you two, and hope she gets her memory back!

quote:Originally posted by qwerty316:

It could be worse.. Be thankful you did not get her pregnant.

haha read my post about my situation.... too true.

Update - Jess is doing a bit better now, although she's still having trouble walking. She seems to have no trouble remembering who I am at all now, which rocks. She does seem a bit different to me, maybe calmed down, but that may be because she's still a little out of it, who knows.

Anyway, she keeps telling me how nice it is that I'm spending time with her right now, because no one else is bothering to other than her parents.

It comes back slowly, don't worry. She'll remember very very slowly... Spend some time with her and talk about things you used to do.



Shek

Christ I'm pissed now... Jess's mother is making her go back into soccer because she had to pay the $300 non-refundable fee and doesn't want to "waste it". Well, fuck. The doctor said that's a really bad idea, and that Jess should not ever play soccer again, but no, her mom thinks otherwise.

How am I supposed to tell her mother (who already doesn't like me too much) that she shouldn't force her daughter back into playing soccer?

EDIT: Oh, and Jess has told me many times since the concussion that she doesn't ever want to play soccer again... I feel like shit, not saying anything to her mom, but having her depressed about going back into soccer...

But she is going to the doctor again today, who I'm sure will re-state that Jess shouldn't play soccer. Hopefully her mom will get it this time.

[This message has been edited by Third_Rail (edited 09-16-2003).]

Third_Rail. That is terrible news. There isn't much left that I can say that hasn't already been covered. What I would do is just make sure that you are there for her. Regaining her memory is something that will come in time. You can not force her to try and remember. You sound like a nice guy so It shoudn't be a problem but just remember to not loose your patients as frustating as it may seem at times.

I have found a few sites that may be of interest to you.

Amnesia - Online Treatment Advisor (http://www.medical-library.org/journals/treatment/memory_loss/1_amnesia.htm) - You can enter her informatino here. This is a real respectable site so they should be of some assistance to you.

Howstuffworks "What exactly is amnesia?" (http://www.howstuffworks.com/question672.htm/printable)

Amnesia (http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/amnesia.html)

I hope some of that may help you out. And good luck. I wish the best for your girlfriend.

Sincerely Take Care,

Kangy