Ok I was just surfing the web and decided to see what this sight was like and I need some advice from outsiders....anyway my BF and I have been together for awhile but every few months we have a huge blowout where someone usually gets hurt...mostly me and I know I should probably end things buteverytime I try to leave I always run back and we have the greatest sex ever; totally mind-blowing fabulous sex ...and the sex isn't the reason I stay...I do love him and everytime I walk out the door I feel like I've lost something that means the world to me...so I go back....I don't know what to do...I mean he tells me he wants to marry me blah blah blah and I don't doubt his sincerity, but the fights we have r just outrageous...our tempers clash and we r both stubborn...I don't know what to do anymore...some advice would be great

ummm every one has their ruff times??

Er, don't fight?

Seriously though, if you feel yourself getting heated up, take a deep breath and say you need to think for a little while. When you calm down (which you should do) then think about stuff logically, don't let yourself have huge blowouts.

I know its kind of shitty advice, but here goes:

I say, if you really love each other, no fight can get between you. even if you know you just need an hour or two apart to cool off, do that, instead of leaving him. instead of running away every time something happens, take time to relax, and talk it over. you obviously care about him if you go back to him, and feel like you're missing something when you're apart, and if he says he wants to marry you, chances are, he loves you too ( ). stay with him, and know that ever fight isnt the end of everything, its just a difference of oppinions. and try to not let fights happen at all. the point of cooling off after a fight is so you can talk about it calmly, so if you just talk about it calmly BEFORE you fight, you dont have a problem to begin with!

I've known couples that fought just as passionately as they loved, their arguments were absolutely OVER the top, but when they were peacefull (which was most of the time) they were very loving and happy together.

Some personalities just clash like that, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to have a relationship with someone just because you get into rampaging fights, as long as it's ONLY an argument... if these fights are ruining your life and making you so miserable that you don't want to be with this guy then the tempestuous relationship isn't for you. If you can handle a yelling match every once in awhile and it doesn't effect the way you love each other afterward then stick with it.

I don't like arguing, yet my fiance and I get into arguments over pretty stupid things. We're both fairly stubborn, so that only makes matters worse. At the end of arguments we snuggle and make up, and usually have sex... and I don't think poorly of him or love him any less because of it. I wouldn't leave him over an argument.

If you do marry you'll have to really work on calming yourselves, you can't fight like that in front of your children, it's not healthy for them. You as an adult might be able to handle a heated argument, but realize that your future kids shouldn't be expected to.

What are the fights about?

If we're talkin' toilet seats left up, toothpaste left uncapped, pizza that was earmarked for breakfast that gets eaten, calls that don't happen when they're supposed to and other petty stuff, you're not fucking enough. Remedy this.

If this is about finances, how you spend your time together, where you're going to spend the holidays and other middling concerns, you're not fucking enough. Remedy this.

If this is about his ex-girlfriend, your psychological baggage or his new Aryan Nation membership, walk out the door and don't look back.

When we fight its usually over pretty serious stuff, we dont bother arguing over the petty bullshit, but the fights get physical...sometimes we're not good for each other and sometimes we're just right for each other

Does your boyfriend tell you he is going to hurt you if you leave him?

I'm not joking, I know people or couples like this where they will tell their girl that if they leave them it will hurt them so much that they will have to hurt their girl.

This in my opinion is a very easy read sign that you need to get out of the relationship. Just becuase you love something doesn't mean its always right, you can love alot of things but if you get more thigns out of the relationship than you lose. I say stay, but if you lose alot of self respect putting up with his shit. I say leave.

If it's only every few months, and the shit only lasts a day or two, then you might be ok. Some people need that type of passion in a relationship.

Thing is.. now that you're asking this, and some people are saying the same thing I am, I have to wonder if that will take away from whatever good things these battles produce.

quote:his new Aryan Nation membershipSo what are you saying?

quote:Originally posted by Flamin_Pyro:

ummm every one has their ruff times??

That's all I can think of too really!

Either that or make a compromise.