me and my gf have been together for almost 2 years, and we're both incredibly comfortable with eachother. she likes to lie around naked, and has no problems with that kind of thing. the issue is that she is too afraid to orgasm. I KNOW she is getting close (I can feel her muscles tensing and relaxing, her breathing, etc), but she always makes me stop (this is usually when I'm going down on her.). she usually ends up getting so scared shes crying by the end of it. she says it feels really really good, and that it doesnt hurt at all, but shes afraid of what its going to feel like. she said the thing that scares her the most is that it wont happen at all, and I KNOW its just about to before she stops me. I know that if I can stop her from being afraid, she can orgasm easily, but I just dont know what to tell her. I've tried explaining the sort of feelings she'll have, and that it WILL happen if she lets me, and she agrees, but when we get going, she just gets scared again. it used to be really bad about a year ago, but every time I do it we go a little further, which is good that we're getting progress, and she isnt afraid to go that far again next time, but we can only go a little farther each time. she also needs to relax more, but I'm just going to teach her to meditate. what can I say/do to help her be less afraid and relaxed?

ps. things that wont work:

-drugs (alcohol would be ok, but no weed or anything like that)

-just keep going even if she tells me to stop. she starts to cry, and I just couldnt do that.

????????????????

what the fuck.......?

hats the funnyest thing i've ever read

Deja vu...I swear I'm not trying to be a smartass by posting all these links to recent topics lately...

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum4/HTML/004093.html http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum4/HTML/004098.html

I thought there was another one with almost an identical post to yours, but I couldn't find it.

quote:Originally posted by jay666:

????????????????

what the fuck.......?

hats the funnyest thing i've ever read

Shut up. You're stupid.

Shodan, I'd say just keep trying. Convince her that she said it herself, that it felt really really good. Apparently you're doing things right

You say every time you do it you go further, and so automatically she becomes more and more comfortable until one day she will orgasm and everything will be good and happy. Just keep trying, she'll eventually do it.

well come on its funny i mean shes scared os cumming what is she like 13.......?

ive once had a similar problem. but it wasn't that i was scared...it was just waaaay too much and it felt so good it was unbearable. she shouldn't be scared of an orgasm b/c ive never heard any negative feedback on them. i would definitely vouch for the fact that they are mind-blowing and incredible.

i used to stop him when it would get too intense but then i realized hey, if this feels this fucking great, how amazing would it be if i didn't stop him? one time i let him go and toughed it out (poor me, right? lol). WOW!!!!! now i fuck him every chance i get. if it's too much for her then relax her by caressing her in a gentle way, tell her u love her..if you do. maybe massage her a little just so she's not so tense. i think she is more anxious that scared personally, but i don't know the situation all that well. hope this helps you somehow.

quote:Originally posted by jojabr:

Shut up. You're stupid.

Shodan, I'd say just keep trying. Just keep trying, she'll eventually do it.

thanks for the encouragment. thats more or less what I figured would happen.

cindy: I did make a post quite a bit like this a couple months back, but I worded it differently, so people were giving advice that want appropriate to the situation.

fucktard: no. shes 18. get a girlfriend, you insensitive moron.

she told me the only thing that really scares her is not knowing if its going to even happen. I KNOW its really close when she stops me, but she isnt convinced. I think shes starting to understand that if she just lets me keep going, and relax it'll be fine.

thanks everyone...except jay. do the world a favour and kill yourself.

I am partially with Jay666 on this one...What the hell is she scared to cum for?!?!

Did someone tell her something like, if you cum you'll go to hell...or if you cum your legs will drop off and your head will explode?!

Damn man...What's her problem with orgasms?!

Reassure her that it WILL feel good and she WILL enjoy it...You've been going together for about 2 years so she should be able to trust you right?!?!

I don't know why, but the idea of going with a girl who doesn't like orgasms really REALLY bothers me!!!

No offence to your lady or anything dude!

kill my self thats a bit harsh don't take it out on me cos ur g/f is a sexually repressed fuck up.....

This is the dumbiest thing I have seen. How could you be afraid of having an orgasm if you are confortable fucking... she must know that an orgasm is the greatest sensation a human beeing can have... it's not like it was going to hurt or something. Damn!

I suggest you tell her to masturbate. Not necessarily in front of you or anything, but to just masturbate herself to orgasm. I'm sure you'd like to be the one who gives her her first (I'm assuming she hasn't had one before, which is a little odd to me), but she might be more comfortable doing it herself. Hopefully she'll bring herself to one, and if she does, the very next day she'll grab your head and force you down. It's just a matter of getting over the fear, and maybe she can do it better by herself.

That, or you can just stay the course, as others have said. Slow progress is better than no progress.

-Infrared



[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 09-11-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by JayMark:

This is the dumbiest thing I have seen. How could you be afraid of having an orgasm if you are confortable fucking... she must know that an orgasm is the greatest sensation a human beeing can have... it's not like it was going to hurt or something. Damn!

Oh, open yer mind, Mr. Ridicule.

Even females who have had orgasms have trouble decribing exactly how it feels. Shodan's gal has no frame of reference. The closest thing that resembles what she's feeling is an urge to urinate. It takes some time and comfort with one's own body responses to "let go."

Infrared nailed it...encourage her to engage in autoeroticism when she's in a private space.

I dont know what it is, but people with "Jay" in thier name just shouldnt be allowed to use the net. I asked for advice, not criticism.

about the masturbation thing, she says its not the same, that it just doesnt feel as good (duh). I was just talking to her, and we're going to try this weekend. I'm going to teach her how to meditate, and see if she can just relax as much as possible.

cindy: do you have any specific advice that I can give her? SHOULD she be trying to relax her whole body? that makes the most sense to me. just things that she can do while I'm giving her oral to make her more confident, etc.

Does an orgasm actually feel that great, for a girl? Is it worth it?

I myself have never orgasmed, cannot, and if I can feel as good when I get high then I won't bother putting any more effort into it.

i personally find it hard to believe. just keep convincing

well, its almost thursday, and I'm going to be with her all weekend, so I'll update on sunday or monday, for anyone who cares at all.

I would say that if it was her first time for you to be going down on her that it would of been a problem.

Since I know girls who have never been eaten out before are really tense and nervous about someone exploring that part of their body.

I don't know what to say except do what your doing. It's odd that she cries, but maybe she is crying because she is happy so think of it that way maybe? Unless she is making like wheeping noises.

I couldn't imagine having sex with someone and they are making noises that would make me think that they are about to have a nervous breakdown. I would say try different methods of bringing her to an orgasm like take breaks in between, or maybe I"m just talking out of my ass.

^^Uh, Steph, I've been high on everything, and nothing really comes close to the "ectasy," albeit fleeting, of an orgasm. If it did, I'd become a junkie, too.

Shodan, I can compare the feeling of "letting go" with that moment of hesitation that comes before diving off a high board into a pool or taking a bungee jump, or making it up on your feet for the first time surfing, or stepping off a plane with only a parachute.

I'm not sure she'll be able to "relax her body" since orgasms are all about the build-up of tension. Asking her to relax might be confusing.

How does the evening generally go before the sex? Even though you're quite familiar with each other, a sensuous date can do wonders.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

How does the evening generally go before the sex? Even though you're quite familiar with each other, a sensuous date can do wonders.

well, usually we just hang out at either one of our houses for a while, maybe watch a movie, then start up. shes usually really really eager to start, even if we're out somewhere. honestly, she is totally sex-crazed, and just jumps on me what I show up at her house. I know that it is just a matter of not being scared. thanks for the partial description, I'll relay it to her.

and about her being nervous about me going down on her, we've been doing that for more than a year. she loves it, but it isnt crying happy-like. it SOUNDS like a scared type crying. she doesnt cry every time, just when we go really far. anyways, I think some day she'll just let it happen. thanks everyone, especially cindy.

I'm not criticizing your gf nor insulting her. I am a guy so I just can't figure out how you could be afraid to orgasm... if you feel insulted by what I said, just ignore it. It's just a message board after all.

[This message has been edited by JayMark (edited 09-12-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by JayMark:

This is the dumbiest thing I have seen. How could you be afraid of having an orgasm if you are confortable fucking... she must know that an orgasm is the greatest sensation a human beeing can have... it's not like it was going to hurt or something. Damn!

shit yeah i agree with you there jaymark it seems liek she thinks she is going to like get put into a coma i seriously dont understand this? afraid to orgasm can soemone explain how a human bieng be afraid to orgasm? and how old is yer gf?

Hmm, that's a little unusual, but maybe she's just anxious?

I know you said no drugs, but -some- alcohol might actually be a good bet, if not just to calm her down enough to let her orgasm. Obviously there are other things that can calm people down that are better than alcohol, but that's about the only thing I can think of, other than just letting her go at her own pace.

Also, you said she's masturbated before? Why don't you try explaining to her that it's -basically- (and I do emphasize basically) the same feeling?

well, we just had some pretty crazy phone sex, and she basically got herself off. from the way it sounded, she had a very mild orgasm. she said thats what happens, basically every time she masturbates. its really good, because it means that she has a good idea of what it feels like, AND she knows its possible (cause its happening). she just didnt know that it was actually a mild orgasm. she just knew it felt really good. either way, I think it'll prolly happen this weekend. as I said before, I'll post an update in a few days for anyone who cares enough to check back.

although the situation seem sot be resolved, I just thought it might be of worthy note that (I forge the source or the exact numbers) a fairly large percentage of women are afraid to orgasm in front of their partners because they're afraid of farting. Of course, some people get off on this., as suggested here: http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum4/HTML/004366.html

Wow.

OK you girlfriend is dumb, no offense. But what in the fuck can she possibly be afraid of? Maybe she thinks that if she doesn't cum then she is still a virgin, and she begins to cry because of the denial that she isn't anymore. I don't know

quote:Originally posted by Shodan's Own:

...her breathing...

Maybe she is getting spaced out from hyperventilating?

I don't really wanna read all this so forgive me if someone already suggested this: handcuffs. My girl had the same problem with being "scared" to have an orgasm. We talked about it and that's what we did. Turned out alright I guess.

-Ç®ï§þ¥

quote:Originally posted by Crispy311:

I don't really wanna read all this so forgive me if someone already suggested this: handcuffs. My girl had the same problem with being "scared" to have an orgasm. We talked about it and that's what we did. Turned out alright I guess.

-Ç®ï§þ¥

heh, we tried that, and she said to never do it agian, even if she asked, when I was going down on her. she said that she needed to be able to touch me, and move me with her hands. it can understand that. of course, that dosnt mean we cant use those things other times...

he was probably raped as a little boy

and probably by jiscuit