So verdict is in...he finally came over.

I was so freaked when I saw him at the door, and I couldn't tell if he had bags of stuff with him or not. But all my stuff is still over there.

I am a little confused. I get whats supposed to happen, but I dont exactly what goes on after that. I am not sure of all the rules.

He said that he was sorry he hadn't been in touch, but he just needed some time. He opened up with he really loved me, but he just didn't understand me at times.

He did want to rip my ex's head off- but he does likes Marcus. Something about a second pair of eyes to keep me out of trouble. (Marcus is constantly telling me not to do things. When my mother told him to take care of me, he took it as she gave him power to ground me or something.He has made a few good calls, but still, I never wanted a body guard/brother.)He doesn't like Marcus spending the night.

He does not want to break up. (I started getting all teary at that point.) But he said something had changed, and he couldn't ignore it. He said he loved me again, but that I needed a break.

I asked him what that ment and he kinda sad-laughed and told me to cosider this my exodus- he was letting me go to wander for a while and he would see me on the other side. (we are both in Jewish studies this semester, and I was doing my reading when he came in)He said we could be friends, but he wanted to let me have my space.

He hugged me and held me for a bit, then said he needed some of his stuff back. Took his razor and toiletries, but left some clothes, dvds, and a few other things. I got another hug, and he kissed the top of my head, and told me he would keep in touch, and then left.

I feel sick. I dont know what to do...the place feels empty now.

Now? You go on.

What that exactly entails is something you'll find out soon enough.

I’m sure you do feel bad, but this is really good news. It sounds like you’re going to get a second chance. Please be patient with him. When you get a chance, just say you’re sorry, you love him, and you will wait till he’s ready. Being general will allow it to mean to him what he needs it to. Also, decide if the “rules” he has are okay with you. If you cannot handle not hanging on other guys, don’t put both of you thru this again.

-Easy

No... no. After everything that's happened, bringing this up again, for whatever reason, will accomplish nothing. 100 to 1 says he just tunes it out. Let it rest. That doesn't mean don't talk to him; if you can find a way to try and connect with him again on a personal, friendly level, by all means, do so. But at this point, as far as the boyfriend/girlfriend thing goes, there's nothing you can do save let things run their course for awhile.

Ryan does not know that she will wait for him, or that things will be different, or maybe even that she understands where he is coming from. I don't think a long conversation is needed, but making Ryan think she is past this before he is could be a mistake. I do agree that you don’t want to dwell on this, but I don't think you should ignore it.

Just my opinion.

-Easy

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

Now? You go on.

What that exactly entails is something you'll find out soon enough.

DEAD on.

but he took my favorite snuggly.

Going on has thus constituted of rearanging the furniture three times, doing all laundry (miraculous if you saw the pile), all dishes, cooked dinner and an extra two cakes, one batch of cookies, and a batch of brownies. Also firming up is one experimental rum fudge batch. I finally finished unpacking, took out the garbage, sanded the paint off the balcony in the dark, with a flashlight.

Attempted to eat the dinner I cooked, sat down in front of the tv, saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and ended up crying. Dinner is now in tupperware. I hung pictures, scrubbed the bath tub, the windows, and the toilet.

I have nothing left to clean. I have nothing left to put things in that I cook. I have nothing left to unpack. I have no one online that is actually talking to me at this point.

HELP. What do I do now, and what do I do tomorrow? Sitting still is impossible.

and if you could, give a stab at why this is so hard all of a sudden...

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

and if you could, give a stab at why this is so hard all of a sudden...

Because you've never done this before. That's why, for my part, I'm trying to say as little as possible while still being somewhat helpful. This is one of those rare situations in life where you might need a little pointing in the right direction, but that's it. As much as you're thirsting for answers, now is when you have to find your own.

The only thing you absolutely have to do is not lose faith in yourself. If you do, you're fucked. Keep that, and you'll get through this, regardless of the ultimate outcome between you and Ryan.

Spiff, I don't mean to suck up, but are you a fucking MENSA member? No wonder you're moderating this forum. Keep it up

Isabel, he's right about that, but one thing I wanted to add: You might try just immersing yourself in more things, like you're already doing. That's not saying "run from the problem", it's saying "continue to have fun and continue your normal activities and don't let this situation impoverish you". Buy a Playstation II and some time-consuming RPG's, or some fun stuff like Splinter Cell, or watch more movies, listen to CD's, get a new job, whatever you have the time and will for. This is where your resolve comes in, and as Spiff said, where you'll need to find some answers yourself. That's true, but posting on totse or talking to other friends is good too. There's nothing wrong with letting it out, so long as you know that no one can answer everything for you (I think you do).

I hope everything works out for you in the end, Isabel, you're a real sweet bird (tonight is British-speak night, I guess)

-Infrared, wondering if you can make Tiramisu (heheh)

[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 09-10-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by Infrared:

[-Infrared, wondering if you can make Tiramisu (heheh)[/B]

yup. even have my own expresso machine to do it with.

I made one at home for my grandmothers mashong game once. Fairly easy actually. And I love piling whipped cream as high as I can get it. Its like playing with a cloud.

its scary...I have never had this much free time before. I did everything I have been trying to do in the past two weeks, in one night.

I can't even cook anymore because I have no serving dishes left to store things in. Which is doubly sad cause I am still on the diet thing, and can't even eat the cakes and cookies I made. They are going to waste.

heh, I need money, I can't afford to buy a ps2 or anything like that. But I get the point. I guess I can always sit in borders and read the new books without paying for them, but they get mad after a while. I will prolly hit the wall more often. We have a climbing wall in our gym, and its decent. Or pick up a tae bo class...

ok. fairly pointless ruminating up there, but since I seem to be getting told its my turn to figure it out, I dont feel so bad about it. :P

thanks guys

[This message has been edited by Isabel (edited 09-10-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

yup. even have my own expresso machine to do it with.

I made one at home for my grandmothers mashong game once. Fairly easy actually. And I love piling whipped cream as high as I can get it. Its like playing with a cloud.

its scary...I have never had this much free time before. I did everything I have been trying to do in the past two weeks, in one night.

I can't even cook anymore because I have not serving dishes left to store things in. Which is doubly sad cause I am still on the diet thing, and can't even eat the cakes and cookies I made. They are going to waste.

heh, I need money, I can't afford to buy a ps2 or anything like that. But I get the point. I guess I can always sit in borders and read the new books without paying for them, but they get mad after a while. I will prolly hit the wall more often. We have a climbing wall in our gym, and its decent. Or pick up a tie bo class...

ok. fairly pointless ruminating up there, but since I seem to be getting told its my turn to figure it out, I dont feel so bad about it. :P

thanks guys

Tiramisu: Killer. What kind of liquor do you use? (Wait, this is turning into a FGF topic, sorry)

Those sound like good ideas, the Tae Bo or the reading in Border's (if you have a Barnes & Noble, go there instead, they bitch less ). Have a look at "The Lathe of Heaven" by Ursula K. LeGuin, or "Autobiography of Henry VIII" by Margaret George. They will keep you thinking and busy

If you can't eat the stuff you made, maybe you can give it to someone? A friend, or hell, your neighbors that you know/like. Heh, just a dumb idea. If I were there, I'd take it - I always love food. It's a wonder I'm not fat (I'm about 6'1"-6'2" and 190 lbs ), and again, you sound like a damn good cook

As for figuring things out for yourself; it just means to do some soul-searching, sort things out, pick your head up and look around (not to say you haven't been). Posting on totse may help you to sort things out, I know the one time I posted about a personal issue, I did feel better, even though it earned me a lot of flames. Take care

-Infrared

Isabel...SHooo!!

Go ON!! GET ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF.....or wait...does the other dude not want anything to do with you??



baaaahahahyhyhhahahaha

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

Now? You go on.

What that exactly entails is something you'll find out soon enough.

Said perfectly.

You have to go on with your life, my dear...There's no use in becoming introverted as it COULD make you bitter sooner or later (please trust me when I say that!)

Also you HAVE to go on with your life to find out what's next in the big scheme of things.

Screw Borders, go to the library. And hell, even if none of your friends will eat your food, I'm sure there's someplace like a homeless shelter that wouldn't mind some treats for the people staying there.

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

Screw Borders, go to the library. And hell, even if none of your friends will eat your food, I'm sure there's someplace like a homeless shelter that wouldn't mind some treats for the people staying there.



Libraries around here are huge, over-crowded, and have no comfey chairs or coffee shops in them. Also the selection is a little dry. Or at least I havn't found one yet with the just read for fun books. Borders is nice.

Sadly, homeless shelters are kinda strict on the things you can bring up there. They like packaged foods. Guess they are afraid of people trying to poison the homeless or something. I have tried donating venison and other foods, but they wouldn't take it.

Friends are a possibility...but it would be nice to get some compensation to cover the cost of baking massive amounts of cookies. I have a doughball the size of my head in the freezer because I ran out of containers to hold them in.

and Infrared- I use a mixture of Godiva's white chocolate, and expresso.