Answer or reply to this question. Is it wrong for a 33 year old male to fall in love with a 16 year old female? It's not about sex and I am not a pervert. Her parents love me to death and approve of us seeing each other 100%. I am good to her and she is good to me. All I am wanting is a simply yes or no and some feedback. I am sure I will have a lot of critism, but, oh well, I have to take the good with the bad.

I think that there would be something "off" to some extent with a 33 yr old guy involved with a 16 yr old. That does not mean he is a full fledged perv or that the relationship is 100% doomed to failure.

I guess my answer is that it is not inherently wrong, but it is a major red flag that something may be up. I guess I may presume the worst till I saw otherwise.

I know we don’t always choose who we fall in love with, but my first question is: why do you need a 16 yr old when there are so many fish in the sea?

-Easy

That is one of those really touchy subjects. I agree with Easy you can't choose who you fall in love with but what are some more of the circumstances in the relationship. Have you known her for a long time? How did you meet in the first place? I mean were you out at the mall and went up and hit on a 16 year old? Or have you known her for a while and over time developed feelings for her.

The one other thing that you have to think about with that big of an age difference is are you sure it is boyfriend/girlfriend type love or could it possibly be the type of little sister or possible daughter type love?

Do you have kids? if so what do they say about the situation. If not can you honestly see marrying this girl and having kids with her?

In short I personally do not think that it is wrong to fall in love with someone of an age difference but when it comes to that much of a difference you have to be careful what type of love you are dealing with. A 16 year old's love most likely differs from a 33 year olds love. Yes love is love but at her age it means something alot different than it probably means to you.

Take Care,

Kangy

Thanks guys for the replies. To answer both of your ?'s. I have known her for two years and we BOTH tried to fight it and it just wasn't gonna happend, only till she turned 16 did we actually start going "out" on dates. As far as my child, she really loves her to death and she constantly wants to be around her (my daughter is 5) and vice versa. All of my family love my girlfriend and all of them support us. Now as far as all the other "fish" in the sea, I have dated around and had some flings here and there but the biggest part of them are into drugs and alcohol and I am not. Some of them are seriously crazy as a loon, real seriously!! And the majority of them don't have what I am looking for and my 16 year does. I agree with you on not being able to help who you fall in love with, cause I did not personally choose to go out and look for specifically a "16" year old, we fell for each other with what's on the inside and not how many years she has been on this earth. And as far as the kids go, I love them to death and wish I could have a million of them and I do see me having kids with her, BUT, not untill she finishes high school and college and who knows she might go her own way then, I don't know how it is gonna turn out. I just know that I love her with my heart and not either one of my heads. I appreciate your comments and I value each and every one of your views, whether it is a nasty one or a good one. Thanx!!

It all depends on the dominant culture in your country...

And depends on your environment. 16 is the age of consent in Alabama, yes?

Just be aware that at 16 a girl doesn't really know who she is yet. The reason a lot of high school romances don't last into college years is because growing teens continue to develop their identity and independence. They may have been soulmates at age 16 but somehow no longer have anything in common at age 18.

You may experience some frustration as she grows and changes. Or maybe not. Just something to consider. Best wishes.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

16 is the age of consent in Alabama, yes?



Yes (http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm)

Jeff13, I read all that and it looks like at least you are not a pedophile. It also looks like your heart is in the right place. But I still agree with HKW that things don't mean the same things to a kid as they do to an adult. Also, she will change as she gets older. She could be a completely different person by the time she is 22 or so. I think I posted that as a reason why some young marriages don't work in a thread started by HKW a while back. One more thing, there is a difference between acting mature and actually being mature. Lots of kids can act mature, but few are really ready for life. But Celine Dion met her husband when she was what, 11? And it worked out for her.

Good luck. IMO, I would not look for a 16 yr old, but it seems like you are better off sticking with this one since things are so far along. If things don't work out, and your next girl is also 16, then get some help.

-Easy



[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 09-05-2003).]

i say go for it. you only live once. as long as you're both happy, thats what counts!

it strikes me as wrong, simply for the fact that she's only 16, and most likely isn't fully mature yet. a 16 year old girl is easily blinded by the though of love. it's more likely than not just an infatuation over an older man. i don't know many girls who haven't had this, most just don't act upon it.

When I was 13 with a 17 year old, you all said he was digusting and terrible and gross for wanting to be near me. But then this guy comes along with an even bigger age difference and it's all gravy. You guys are assholes

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

When I was 13 with a 17 year old, you all said he was digusting and terrible and gross for wanting to be near me. But then this guy comes along with an even bigger age difference and it's all gravy. You guys are assholes

I think both are wrong but, people said your situation was wrong as you were below the age of constent and all that.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:



Just be aware that at 16 a girl doesn't really know who she is yet. The reason a lot of high school romances don't last into college years is because growing teens continue to develop their identity and independence. They may have been soulmates at age 16 but somehow no longer have anything in common at age 18.

You may experience some frustration as she grows and changes. Or maybe not. Just something to consider. Best wishes.

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY...hmmm let me think...When I was 16 I was a sophmore....and I believe I "fell in love" every other week...sometimes every week...depending on how fine the guy was and how much he liked me....Ahhh the good old days.(when "dating" was actually fun)

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

When I was 13 with a 17 year old, you all said he was digusting and terrible and gross for wanting to be near me. But then this guy comes along with an even bigger age difference and it's all gravy. You guys are assholes

When it comes to teenagers, there can be a major difference in what people will say based simply on a year or two in age. If this guy said the girl was 15, he'd undoubtedly receive a much more negative reaction than he did. If, in your situation, the guy was 19 or 20 and you were 15 or 16, the response would have been a good deal better.

As for Jeff.. don't get territorial with her, that's all I can say. She may grow away from you, and then your only options will be to accept it or to be the source of major stress in her life by trying to keep her from traveling the path she's meant to follow. If you care about her, the choice should be clear, but it isn't always that easy.

That said, given what you're telling us, go for it. You'd be wrong not to see this to its proper conclusion.

You volenteered the answers to all the questions I had. Given what you've said I have no choice but to give unconditional aproal on the relationship. But, assuming you haven't already, dont' go rushing into bed with her. Normaly I beleive in waiting a while during a relationship, but somewhat longer with someone young. Actualy that's a maturity/experience issue. Use your own judgement.

You guys really surprised me to the utmost. I was actually thinking that when I posted that letter that I would get slammed into the ground and spit on. But you guys are very open minded and if I had to go to where each and everyone of you lived and buy you a beer to show my appreciation, I would. I tip my hat and raise my glass to all of ya'll. Thanks.

Hey. I'm Jeff13's girlfriend and he told me that he posted a topic on here. I found it and I was amazed that ya'll we're 'supportive' of it. We've been together for a long time and we are in love. I know that alot of ya'll said that I will change and grow and all that bull, but I hope that we are together in the long run and we're thinking about the future a great deal. I may only be 16, but I know what I feel and I haven't felt this way about anybody/ thing before. Anyway, thanks a bunch.

As long as it's all legal it's okay!

I think if the parents are okay with it and you treat each other well then it's okay!

And if it's not only about the sex then all the better!

There is a girl who is 14 who fancies me, an 18 year old.

She's a lovely girl...Smart, funny, witty and very attractive but I am going to wait a couple of years before I try anything or let her try anything on me.

As i said, as long as it's legal, it's okay by me!