why cant women just come out with it. they always just be fuckin around. ive been with this girl on and off for a year and now we have a kid and now shes sayin she dont know if she wants to be with me and wont give me a fuckin answer its driving me insane. and i love her too much just to let her go again. any comments are cool but this was pretty much just a rant

I dunno, but I think it's coz it's a fun game to play. They just don't know how much damage it can cause.

If it makes you feel any better, guys mess with our heads, too.

I guess it always seems that someone you like is "playing with your head" because once you (ick) really like someone you already start to feel like you have something to lose. Everything they do/say that isn't a step towards "sealing the deal" is then construed as "messing."

In essence, then, we all head-trip ourselves.

insecurity

man im the type of guy that is straight foward. if i like you i will tell you and shit, or if i dont want too be with you ill tell you(or publicy humilliate). so i just dont understand hate everthing rite now

okay, I'll post a bit more

Cindy's right sometimes. You can think girls are playing with you when they are not. But that is not always the case, you were not asking about that, so technically, Cindy is off topic.

Guys play head games too. Most who do, guys or girls, won’t admit it, but I will. I have intentionally fucked with a girl’s head before, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. However, I do try to not be nearly as mean as some seem to be. I guess sometimes I just look for an edge.

I had the opportunity to live with 3 women for a couple years. They were all single and active. I got to see behind the scenes, what happened when the phone rang, and after it was hung up. What they thought about their guys. What made them say yes and no. What problems they had with a guy before they were a couple that were okay, and what was okay after they were a couple. Lots more too.

Anyways, I can tell you first of all, women are human too. They get nervous and insecure just like guys. They have their defense mechanisms, and manipulation is often one of them.

Here is a rule that is true 9 times out of 10: If a woman is playing head games with you and you are a “satellite boyfriend” (no sex, she probably has a boyfriend, and she is stringing you along as a friend with flirting privileges) then you are probably being used. If you are the REAL BF and you are getting the head games, she is probably insecure.

It is like a shield that she puts up to hide her true self. It is just as hard for women to open up as it is for guys. The funny thing is, once you realize she is doing this, it is often easier to “deal” with her. You now have access to her buttons that can be pressed if you have to skill to do so.

Your situation is common. She is hanging on to a relationship that she does not seem to want. Lots of women do this. Not all women are this way, but many will be so tough to hook up with at first, but then will stay with you no matter what till they find something better. They fear being alone when they are in a relationship. That is why so many stay with an abusive man. When they don’t like him anymore, they give him the treatment you’re getting, but they don’t break it off. I have seen this several times, and a couple times up close and personal behind the scenes. It really is an interesting phenomenon.

More than likely, she has given you hints about what is wrong. There are two main ways this could have happened. First, in the beginning of your relationship, she described things she wanted in a BF or relationship that did not turn out like she hoped. Second, things could have changed in you, and she has complained about them. We tend to not give the same level of importance to these complaints as they do, since they are often infrequent and ignoring them is so easy to do.

If you are going to keep this woman and turn the relationship around, you are going to have to change something. Here is what I recommend:

You really cannot ask her right now what is wrong. She just is not going to tell you. Start with subtly letting her know you like her. Don’t buy flowers. An indirect compliment works wonders. Do a chore or favor for her that you don’t normally do and don’t even mention it at all. A tad more interest when you ask how her day was is good, but don’t over do it. Give her a quick hug or peck on the cheek and act like it is no big deal. Do it when you normally would not, but don’t be all passionate. Act as if you have been married for 100 years and it is a habit. And for God’s sake, smile twice as much as you normally do.

After you have done this for a while and you see her warming to it a bit, be a tad more overt. Direct compliments, quick kisses on the lips, ask if you can help with whatever.

Then ask her for a date like it will be your first. On the date, have a little speech prepared apologizing for being lazy in your relationship and letting her know you know she feels unsatisfied and that that feeling is justified. Make her accept your apology (much easier than saying she will stay with you) and then confess you are a bit of a dumbass and you need some assistance in figuring ways to please her or whatever.

Then send her the fucking flowers.

-Easy

PS It is often easy to be straight forward like you are. Sometimes it is lazy, though. You can’t give a girl that you find attractive a wedding ring right away. Keep that in mind and maybe you can better time your “straightforwardness.”



[This message has been edited by Easy Going (edited 09-05-2003).]

To guys, women are weird.

To chicks, fellas are weird.

It's the way of the world my friend!

The best solution for not having a girl mess with my head is by not looking for another girlfriend...dunno for how long...and one nighters are a definate...but no girlfriends for me!

Try it...You might just lke it!!!