Ok heres the lowdown...My x g/f came over last night after work, we went to walmart, then came back to my apt. All the while shes throwing me all the little signals...you know, flipping the hair, touching, etc...we sit down to watch "the wall", and then shes like well, lets go lay down and watch it on your laptop...27"tv vs. laptop? no, she wants something else...

ok, so we lay down, start watching it, i massage her back, shes all groaning and such, i start to kiss her neck...then like 4 minutes later shes like, "i have to go" all urgently...now, her current b/f is someone who i thought was one of my best friends, but that turned out differently...

i think shes just confused about what she wants, we were together for almost 4 years, and now she ALWAYS comes around...not sure what to take of all of this...id love to get her back, but if sex is all im gonna get ill settle for that, but i dont wanna try something thats going to push her away...I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHERE TO GO FROM HERE...A little help?

where in PA are you from? just curious...

on the topic, girls are confusing. it's impossible to know what they're thinking. that is IF they're thinking. rahh... i hate girls.

Berwick, PA, right off of interstate 80...oh and btw, last night she said, and i quote, "I have to go home, if I don't go now I'm not going home tonight."

quote:Originally posted by EyeSore:

. rahh... i hate girls.

Thanks? its good to know i am hated....by someone i dont know....because i am the opposite sex...lol.

Just ask her...its a lot better than wondering.

Much luck

Nyky

^^Agreed. Sometimes I want to blurt out to you dudes, "you got a mouth, use it!" Lord knows I do.

A lot of guys sort of dance around with mute mouths trying desperately to decode the "signals." If you think there are signals there probably are, so blunder ahead and say something. Do something. Anything! You've got society, genetics, history, tradition and culture backing you on being the "first move makers."

Some of us gals, as outspoken, modern and bold as we seem, are shy and traditional about mating, and we still like to allow the guy to make the first move.

Men are idiots. Women know this, but fail to realize the implications of it. They seem to assume that men think the same way they do about 'signals' and such. The sad fact is that we don't, and often don't think at all...

Cindy, if you see this IM me.

quote:Originally posted by Prometheus:

Men are idiots.

Is today hasty generalization day and someone forgot to tell me?

If you think you're an idiot, fine: you're an idiot. I am not.

And on topic. If a girl says she is afraid of staying the night, don't even fucking ask. Grow some fucking balls and make a real move. That is as good a signal as you're going to get. Contrary to what you may hope, her panties are not going to just drop accompanied with a light and choir of voices from heaven.

Sheeesh!

-Easy

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

[B]^^Agreed. Sometimes I want to blurt out to you dudes, "you got a mouth, use it!" Lord knows I do.B]



Why the FUCK don't you? It would make shit so much easier if some women could just help us guys out who are terrible at reading people and decoding signals to just make the first move ONCE in awhile....Dear god.

I'm horrible at the whole signal shit. I've had afew girls get pissed off at me for not making a move.

quote:Originally posted by Fetus:



Why the FUCK don't you?

Because a man who can't make a move is not sexy. Girls like to be desired, irresistible, and pursued.

Excuse me for speaking for you Cindy.

-Easy

Please excuse my little outburst. I sometimes forget that this is all stuff I had to learn at some point too.

As far as reading signals goes, there is some reading that you can do, but it sometimes hard and more often, it is not that important.

What you need to do is be positive assumptive. That means you ASSUME that she is giving you the green light and you proceed with high levels of confidence till she makes it clear that she does not want that.

You have to understand that even though you may think that a woman has made up her mind 100% yes or no if she wants you at the time that you get the ambiguous signal, that is often not the case. Her mind can change quickly, you can sometimes change it, and there is a continuum of different level of interest. She probably likes you more than so and so, but not as much as so and so, and she really likes X about you, but not so much Y, and she wants to know more about Z etc. The point is that the whole thing is an evolving process and part of you that she is evaluating is how confident you are, and how much you are willing to do to have her (make a move). She may even be unsure of her own signals and your attitude can lead her into a decision. It’s not like every girl knows exactly what they want 100% of the time. Usually they don't, same for guys. Often a woman who sleeps with a guy and then regrets it met some guy that she allowed to make her decision for her.

If you make a move, you give her a chance to say yes if she wants to, you make yourself more attractive (although that is often not enough), and you can sway a girl that is on the fence.

The down side? She could say no. If a bold move pushes her away, there is probably nothing you could have done.

-Easy

Um yeah it doesn't sound too confusing to me. It's understandable that you are confused because clearly she is too. She has a boyfriend and was almost ready to cheat on him but then decided against it. It's got nothing to do with you really (although much props to you for getting her that close).

If you and your ex were real close, I'd suggest refraining from any fuck-buddy opportunities that may come up. It'll be fun for a short while, and then it'll just remind you of what you had and what you're missing.

HighandRising- I tend to think what you said is what happened. Sudden change of mind. Besides, she isn't the cheating type anyways. Its just kinda difficult because I know the feelings I have for her, and I know she has them for me too...

Anyways, I DID go for it, and then she quickly changed her mind. EasyGoing, thanx for the pointers. I'm not exactly what you would call "smooth," but being that we have known each other for such a long time, I don't feel I need to be. I think this is an advantage to me, but at the same time I don't really know what she is thinking, as I HAVE asked her directly what she is thinking, and what she wants, etc etc, and have told her very bluntly what I want, (in a polite manner, not a douchebags way) but she always gives me a VERY vague answer to any kind of "So whats on your mind, etc etc" question.

So I dont know...Any ideas about how to get her to tell me what she's really thinking?

I've tried all that I can think of...