Alright here... I hate to make lame posts like this about my problems but I hate writing them in my useless journal even more so I'm gonna do it here anyways.

There's this girl who I've known for a few years and I've become really good friends with. She's had a boyfriend for the last couple years and so I've had to restrict myself to being her "friend" only the whole time, and I haven't really ever made it super clear that I wanted more than that. It would have been innapropriate when she had a bf and now she's really upset about their breakup and says (in sly indirect ways) that she doesn't want a relationship. Thing is, she calls me every day, we hang out a lot and smoke weed and watch movies and chill together, and she sometimes says kind of suggestive stuff so I can't get a grip on whether she wants it or not. Like I don't wanna be her rebound guy, I don't wanna be just some dude she fucks before getting back with her old boyfriend. But she says she doesn't want a NEW boyfriend so right now what am I supposed to do? Wait around while she has rebound sex with a bunch of random guys? I get the feeling that if I'd made the right moves I could have progressed this into a more sexual relationship no problem, especially considering that one time we were on E and she wanted to have a 3some with some other girl... but other times I think she doesn't think of me in a sexual way at all and goes for other guys. Maybe I'm just being a pussy and should have made a move on her awhile ago... I just think it's super sketchy because I'm totally in the "friend" zone and teetering all over the edge, but I don't want to make things permanently weird by sleeping with her when she doesn't want a new bf. Cos in that case we might just stop hanging out for good.

Anyways the other night she went and picked up some guy at a bar and slept with him (I'm 90% sure anyways). She's always prying for details about my sexual encounters but she was pretty vague about hers. She seemed pretty embarrased about it, but it's not like she was cheating on me or anything (and she's probably be really pissed off if I said anything like that). But then she seemed to want this guy to call her so that tells me she's gotta be ready for a relationship. Anyways this is just the type of total headcase bullshit that I can't stand dealing with and I've done nothing but mope around all day thinking "I fucking should have sealed the deal why did I pussy out" . Now I dunno if I can get her back in my zone or if she's totally moved on and I've missed my chance. Anyways she didn't want to hang out with me tonight and I'm kinda sure that if she hadn't screwed someone else last night, she would have wanted to. What the fuck am I supposed to think.

Man, You should have made a move a long time ago, but since you didn't I will try and help you out.

First you need to let her know, that you like her and that you want to get with her. Maybe tell her, maybe just hint at it. It depends on girls, and you seem to know her pretty well.

Second, if you do do that and she turns you down, just play it off as a joke, she will never think it is a joke but it will get rid of the akwardness.

Third, you need to trust yourself, that you can handle not being with her, or if you do end up with her, then you can be with her, and you wont ruin your relationship if yall date and then break up

All in all man, you just need to trust yourself. Go for it. Don't sit around anymore or you will never get the girl.

Have a nice day,

Apoxyus

Why not try going out somewhere alone one night and telling her the next day that you slept with this really amazing girl who you think there is a future with, blah blah blah!

If she gets pissed off then you know she likes you and you can say "well...she's as good as I can get seeing as me and you ain't gonna happen!" or something like that.

If, however, she is supportive and happy for you then it's time to go find that other girl who you an see a future with blah blah blah!

It may be hard to forget about her seeing as you two are always hanging about together but it will fade in due time.

Good luck buddy!

You want her to know how you feel, but you are afraid to do anything about it. Here's a rather novel solution (I've used it before, works good properly applied). Give her the URL to this thread. That way she knows you mean it, and you avoid the initial akward nervous jumpy talk.

No worries though, you will have other akward nervous jumpy talks.

Bonus of not doing it in person, it lets her have the chance to think about things before saying anything.

No way. That sounds like a total cop-out to me. I don't think it's a "bonus" not doing it in person because if there's gonna be a conversation that makes or breaks our relationship I don't want it to have anything to do with a stupid computer. It's gonna be in person.

I realise now what I have to do. It came to me in a stoned revelation yesterday. I'm gonna sit her down and say the following (ps. I'm just ranting directly into this forum so people can respond but at this point it might as well be a diary)

"Look, we've got to talk. I feel really selfish saying these things right now, because you just got over a relationship and I know you don't want to hear this type of stuff, but it's gotten to the point where ignoring my feelings is hurting me too much and I'm not being fair to either of us to keep pretending like I'm just a friend. So I apologise for putting you in this situation right now but I have to get some stuff off my chest.

I've been attracted to you for as long as I've known you. The thing is, we only became really good friends right when you began your (2-year) relationship with X, so I just buried those feelings for you and had to settle with being your friend for that time. Since you two broke up, I've just been trying to make you feel as good about yourself as possible, because I know it's been really hard for you. Also I guess there's been occasions where I feel I could have done things with you but I've been worried that I'd just be a rebound guy and that if X ever got his shit together you'd just go back with him. The prospect of being your boyfriend for a month and then never getting to see you again if you get back together with X doesn't seem worth it to me, because I always want you to be a part of my life.

However, I feel like I know you pretty well, and I'm also attracted to you, and while I want you to have a good time, and know you don't want anything serious right now, it's too hard for me to stay in this position while you are on the prowl for other guys. I know it's not fair for me to be jealous or posessive but when I see you with other guys I can't help but feel that you should be with me instead.

I need to be up-front about this because I feel like there's already been times when I could have begun a sexual relationship with you but didn't because I was worried that you weren't ready for it. But now I feel I'm being unfair to myself if I don't make it clear that if you're ready to have any kind of relationship, I want it to be with me. It's not that I'm looking for bayback for consoling you for so long, because I love spending time with you, it's that I can't pretend to be "just friends" with you while you're out looking for a good time with other guys." (ok that didn't sound too good hopefully I'll deliver it better in person, and hopefully at some point she will have cut me off by sticking her tongue in my mouth by then).

Anyways at this point, I just started feeling that it'd be better to speak my mind and get rejected, than hover around the "friend zone" forever. I'll tell her this next time I see her in private.

That works too...

OK back to the drawing board.

I've been been busy all weekend, and I haven't seen the girl since like Friday night right before she hooked up with this new guy. We've called each other a couple times since then, but she's always "busy" all of a sudden and isn't interested in hanging out or anything. She says she's got homework to do and can't hang out with me, then I'll talk to her on MSN or something and she's like "oh I'm just going out to see X and watch a movie". I don't think it takes a genious to see that Ive totally fucking missed my window of opportunity here. Anyways now I fell shitty again so I dont know what to do. Gotta let this girl go I guess but fuck, we're pretty close it sucks to go from her friend to nothing, just like that.

She must have some idea how I feel about her by now, because it's pretty obvious that I'm not comfotable talking to her about her new relationship with this guy. She hasn't solidified anything with him yet, because they've only been together like this for a few days, but I think they've already slept together so I'm pretty bummed about this situation. I guess the positive side of me says "you knew she was gonna get a rebound guy, she's obviously jumped into this relationship headfirst just for a fling, and it'll be over soon" but I still feel totally defeated by the situation. Should I give up on this girl and move on or could I magically pull an against-the-odds save and get her back somehow.

Hold on, what are you interested in here, love or mindless sex?

It sounds a lot like the latter, and that's fine, I guess, but then why the reservations on sleeping with her?

Make up your mind on exactly what you want, then you can figure out what to do.