I'm having a bad morning, thought I would share a lesson I've recently learned.

It is common sense to be cautious when someone says they will "always love you" everyone knows that... it takes some time and a lot of consideration to really figure out if:

1. They know what they're talking about, and:

2. They actually mean it

Most often there are the relationships where you both just sort of know that the other doesn't really mean it when they say "forever" and that it is more like a nice thing to say, just something to reinforce the relationship. Even if you both know that it probably won't last "forever" it still sounds good...

Then there are the very rare once-in-a-lifetime relationships where you can honestly believe it, when you can BELIEVE from everything a person does/says/feels that they are committed to you... you can tell when someone is in it for the long haul... they are responsible, they are trustworthy... they are serious and logical and not the type to get in too deep before considering things from all angles... when they're never going to give up on you or the relationship NO MATTER WHAT, when they ask you to be their spouse, to share the rest of your life with them... when they move the fucking world around to have you with them... when they would SWEAR to God the Almighty that nothing would ever seperate them from you and that they would treasure you until the end of time (Now I know what you're thinking here "Maybe you just heard what you wanted to hear, maybe they were actually just saying it because it sounded nice after all and you just misunderstood and read more in to it than there really was" well you wouldn't give up everything you own and your only chance at a good life in America without finding out if it was a sure thing on BOTH sides... you never asked for these promises, not once, this is of their own free will, you're not milking them for promises or commitment, they are WILLINGLY and FREELY giving it)

Right?

I mean, you have a healthy solid relationship with an intelligent loving person and you can believe the promises they make to you because they wouldn't ever make a promise so severe and life-changing if they didn't know they could keep it... Right??

RIGHT???

fuckin WRONG...

NEVER trust anyone when they say forever, even if it is on the fucking day of your wedding... they don't mean it, they always have a backup plan... there is always a silent unspoken "UNLESS" following right after "I want to be with you forever" a fucking clause in the agreement... the FINE PRINT... and if you're a fucking idiot like me you don't realize that they really mean "I want to be with you forever, UNLESS" until it is too fucking late for you, and then they destroy you and all the hopes they have given you with that "UNLESS" and every little "forever" promise therefor becomes NULL AND VOID...

I'm probably the last idiot on earth who would ever dare trust anyone to actually mean "forever, regardless, no conditions" but just in case I'm not I hope this serves as a warning.

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS you make mistakes... even if you realize it and change your ways, it doesn't matter"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS I go through a tough spot in life, then you'll just have to deal with me cutting you off for no good reason"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS it takes some occasional effort"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS there are times that we have to work together on faith alone to make it through"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS something better comes along"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS things aren't always magic and romance and life actually gets serious sometimes"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS you expect me to get off the computer to spend time with you when you get home from work"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS in the process of using your brain you happen to disagree with me"

"I want to be with you forever... UNLESS you ever crave some little sign of simple gratitude for anything you do for me"



[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 08-27-2003).]

Good point.. bad day?

wow...thats deep...true...and deep.

nyky

Shit I have to say that is true. I wish I has figured that about 10 years ago.

yeah, bad day...

even when it seems like things are better...

He's ringing just to say "hi" now...

but I can't get my hopes up again... might all be in my head.

[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 08-27-2003).]

Have you really thought about the implications of unconditional love? We only want it because we are insecure, but very few of us could respect or love the spineless slave that could really have no "unless".

-Easy

a wise man/woman once said (and i think it was someone on totse suprisingly)...

if nothing lasts forever, than what makes love the exception...?

wise wise words. 420...

::edit:: had to add woman in there. sorry girls!

[This message has been edited by NOLIJ420 (edited 08-27-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

Have you really thought about the implications of unconditional love? We only want it because we are insecure, but very few of us could respect or love the spineless slave that could really have no "unless".

-Easy



I think I meant within reason, unconditional love within reason... in other words they better have a DAMN GOOD REASON like you started worshipping the devil and drinking cows blood for breakfast... not just "eh, I changed my mind, sorry"

^But how do you define within reason? I'm sure most people who break up with someone think they have a good reason, and most who get broken up with disagree. And even if they say they just changed their minds, they probably have a better reason that they are not telling you. I know rejection is tough to take, but trying to put a guarantee on love is even worse. Such is life.

-Easy

Wise words. Love is just a meaningless 4 letter word that makes insecure people feel more secure because they cannot fend for themselves.

Easy, part of the point I am trying to make is that sometimes (once in a great while) people give up on really good relationships with really lovely people for reeeeeally weak reasons... and that it could be avoided if they just didn't give up right away... if they just dug their feet in and tried again... Yeah so it doesn't work the second time, that's OK and at LEAST you know... at least you aren't left wondering for the rest of your life if it could've all turned out great... at least you aren't left with the regret of NOT trying.

They just give up... its like something goes wrong and instead of saying "well I'll stick it out and I'm sure we'll make it through" and at least have some faith in something that has been so good for so long... instead its like "I can't" or "I AM trying" even though they don't even want to ever let you in on what is going on inside their head... they won't budge... they leave you feeling like a nervous dog because you never really know where you stand... they might love you tomorrow, they might leave you tomorrow... and you can't understand what ever happened to the guy who was strong and didn't give up easily on anything...

I'm advising people to realize that even though you may be both floating along in harmonious bliss, that ANY minute, no matter how much they care for you and how many times they make promises and assure you that they are very confident about you and wanting to spend the rest of their lives with you because they think you're the absolute best and you have nothing to worry about, that nothing under the sun could take you away from them, that they NEVER want to have to say goodbye to you again for as long as they live... that it is a lie.