Okay, I have like an incestuous circle of friends. We are all way to involved with each other. But here goes-

My best girl friend and her bf broke up last year. We all kinda hung out together, and even after their breakup, I still talked with him. Now after a while she has started talking about their relationship, and I have found out a few things that have changed my view of him.

For starters, he kinda forced her into giving him a blow job, twice. Once for help in chemistry- he wouldn't help her study for her midterm until he got what he wanted, and another just by bugging her about it till she gave in. Not rape or anything, but still, she really wished she hadn't done it, and he kept pressuring her for more. He also used all of her private fears and insecurites against her while arguing, made her feel like shit and cry for several days.

Anyway, as her friend, I feel like it is my duty to hate him. But I dont. I dont know what to think about him. In any case, I am still talking to him, and he has asked several times about going clubbing with the old group- my girl friend excluded. I am not aware how much the rest of them know- and I am guessing nill.

Is there some kind of etiquite thing that I should be following here? She comes first, but do I have to break off all contact with him? He seems like a really good source for customers for this mini business I have started up (selling homemade cookies/cakes/pies/breads).

Talking with the friend about him is not an option. She doesn't want to hear his name, see his face, think of anything about him. We held a bon fire with all his crap she had.

stuck between friends.... sucks doesn't it?

which friend do you like more? her right? well... spend more time with her. he's a dick, fuck him. don't cut off all contact, but don't put him before her. sure, go clubbing with him once in a while, but don't flaunt it to your other friend. just be careful with the situation. could get messy.

eep! a complex girl issue!

<runs away>

just stay out of it...it's not your business to take sides.

if it were me i'd say "look, you're both my friends and i won't take sides...so there!"

If you don't hate him, you don't hate him. Disliking someone because somebody else you know does is one of those things that confuses people and makes things shitty between everyone, because eventually rumors start to fly and no one knows the truth.

I don't blame you for being sketchy about him after hearing he essentially forced this girl to give him a blowjob, but this might be a situation where confronting him is best. If he denies forcing her to do anything in general, spell out the specific situations and see how he reacts. Obviously he's not going to say the same thing she did, but at least you'll have both sides of the story and can determine for yourself who's telling the truth, and to what extent.

Hopefully, this will give you enough information so that you can piece together what probably happened. However, there does remain the possibility that he'll deny ever doing anything like that, regardless of what you say. Then it's basically his word against hers, and if you don't get a feeling that one's being any more or less honest than the other, then you have to run with that. If either one starts to act like you're betraying them by knowing "the truth" (as they see it) and still spending time with the other, that's their problem, not yours.

If the only thing keeping you from telling him off is the advantage he gives your business, then I say that isn't a good enough reason. If you're keeping him on because he's a good friend, then I would expect your girl friend to understand that.

Also, keep in mind that even the most level-headed people will talk trash about an ex to help themselves feel better. It is altogether possible that she is making it sound worse than it really was, or in her mind it is worse NOW because of the fact that they are no longer together, than it was when it happened. I'm not suggesting not to believe your friend, just... keep perspective.

Before you decide, ask the guy about it, get his angle. Maybe he gave her oral and she was unhappy to return the favor? Under those circumstances I couldn't totally blame him for trying to get some love in return... but, something lame like guilting a person into sexual favors in exchange for study tips, blech... tasteless.