A lot of you guys have heard me refer to my boyfriend in a couple of posts. Well, if you noticed, lately, it's been ex boyfriend. We broke up in April after almost a 2 year relationship.

Anyway, we recently started talking again. It looks like after the last 4 months, we still have feelings for each other. We agreed that we don't want to get back together right away but you can say we're "talking".

That's all fine and dandy except he fucked some other girl. Now, I wouldn't be angry by just this. We were broken up and he was single. I was expecting him to fuck a few other girls. That's almost the reason we broke up, was so he could get his slut phase over and we can keep our relationship with no cheating. (Trust is the main component in our relationship).

It turns out he ended up having sex with a very close friend of his. The only female friend of his that I actually trusted him with. She's at his house every day. The hang out for hours.

I can't deal with this. I'd rather it have been with some random girl, not some chick that he sees every fuckin day of the week. Ok, so he said they were both totally trashed on drugs. This would soften the blow a little bit. However, during one of our fights he basically told me I was the substitute for the girl he's really in love with. (His friend). If this was said out of anger or is the truth, I don't know.

Now what the fuck? I've never been jealous of her. Even after all he said, I'm still not jealous of her. I'm pissed because she knows me well, I can't believe she would have sex with him. But now he tells me he doesn't really like her and they clarified that before they even started anything.

What I'm planning to do is tell him that I can't be involved with him if she's still a part of his life. I don't want him to pick and choose. If he thinks it's irrational then I'll just not talk to him anymore. They've been close for about 3 years. Is this too much? Should I just forgive and forget? Am I supposed to act like I don't know when I'm around her?

I can't handle him always being around her now. If we got back together, I definitely wouldn't want him to see her. The problem is, she lives a couple blocks away and I usually don't know when she's over unless we're on the phone and he tells me she's there.

I really care about him and I'm convinced that I'm in love with him. We've gone through a lot to make this relationship work and it's been amazing. I've given up once but always intended to be wih him in the end. My question is, what should I do about her? (I'm not going to slash her tires or kick her ass). That's just dumb. I don't think talking with her will change anything either.

quote:

What I'm planning to do is tell him that I can't be involved with him if she's still a part of his life. I don't want him to pick and choose. If he thinks it's irrational then I'll just not talk to him anymore. They've been close for about 3 years. Is this too much? Should I just forgive and forget? Am I supposed to act like I don't know when I'm around her?



You are a bitch.

Talk to her first,then talk to him..Ask her what's going on... Why should you act like there's nothing going on between them, when you're with her... You know it, she knows it, and she probably knows that you know it... So why the fuss?

Have they just been "friends" for the past 3 years, or has something else been going out behind your back, and it's only know that you know about it...

Why do you want to stay with a guy that does drugs anyhow? How involved in it is he?

You sound like that's normal. You need to straighten a lotta things out.



Cheers

No, she's not a bitch, I've been in a similar situation.

Mojo, I'm unclear on a few things. You didn't break up permanently, I understand, but was the feeling of "just taking a break" mutual? Was your boyfriend also keeping in mind that he wanted to get back together with you in the end? This sounds like a bit of a messy situation. You can't keep them apart completely, and it will probably only hurt you to try. If I were you, and I got back together with him, I would just have a big long talk with him and make sure each of us knows where the other stands. Bring up the thing he said about you being a replacement for her (which was most likely not true, and ask him about it.

Also, are you friends with this girl? Is she nice or is she a complete bitch? You may want to talk to her,even if you don't try and convince her to stay away from him (which would be a very bad idea, as you've probably already noted figured out).

Mojo, I feel compelled to offer whatever advice I can because you've helped me numerous times in this forum.

If they've been friends for three years, he's not going to be able to stop seeing her and you should except that. However if you plan on continuing a relationship with him you need to make sure that he really loves you and that shit he said about you being a substitute wasn't true. Also, as hard as it may seem, talk to the girl, see what her impression of her relationship with your ex is. It's going to help getting the whole picture, even though it might be awkward.

This post really hit a soft spot with me. I broke up with my ex a few months ago, but I love her I know I do, and I know she loves me too, we just drove eachother nuts. Still, theres no girl I'll ever love like her again. Even after the brake up we talked about getting together in the future after we're not hormonally charged teens. We still hang out but haven't discussed that in a long time. I just had to mention that. Reading you're post put a big lump in my throat.

logical-not....well your name sure fits, dumbass. Your reply was stupid...but well thought out, for a genius like you.

Anyway.. this is a touchy subject, and will not be easily resolved. How old are you guys? I'm thinking that if her and him already romped on each other, the chances it'll happen again if it already hasn't..are excellent. The fact that he said what he said in the fight should be taken into account as well. If you try and keep 'em apart, you'll never rest easy. I couldn't do that. Always wondering if well, maybe she was bored or maybe they're all trashed out on drugs again, who knows.

This is tuff. Wait...a minute, hey you said that you broke up for a while and what did he do?? And what were the fights about!! There's your answer! Did you sleep around while you were seperated? He was set on boning that other girl, especially if that's what the fights were about. He's gonna keep on doing it. Dump his ass. You deserve better than that liar and cheater. Unless of course you slept around too.

I'm really trying to avoid drama. I've always been the type to talk things out but this situation makes me want to avoid it all together. Just forget.

They've been friends and before we started going out he admitted to me that he used to like her. She never showed any interest in him and was obsessed with her boyfriend at the time. He made it clear that he didn't like her anymore and is in love with me but still remained extremely close. (Like I said, never had a problem or qualm with her before). I like her, she's a really cool chick and I could see her and I becoming really good friends. (Not really, anymore). There's no way I could keep them apart unless he agreed. I don't want to try to control him like that anyway. I'd rather him understand where I'm coming from and try to associate with her less often. It just bothers me that they're with each other for so long everyday. It's not that he talks to her, it's that they're practically joined at the hip. (That's not a pun!)

I know if I talked to her about it she would insist that there's nothing going on. He said himself that the last thing she wanted to do was hurt me. He also said, that 'it' wasn't as good as he thought it was going to be and he wishes he wouldn't have done it. He basically said he didn't like having sex with her, I honestly don't think it'll happen again. He wants to work on our relationship and get together in the near future, he wouldn't do that while we're talking.

I can't really discriminate against his drug use because I've been there and done that. I just hopes he settles down with it soon. When we intially started going out pot was the regular thing and we'd use other drugs sporadically. Since then I mostly quite except for occassional joint and whatnot but he's gotten extremely worse. He drinks everyday, he's getting into coke and snorting bars. Why? I have no idea. I thought he finished his druggie thing before we met. I think the reason he does it is because he knows I don't like it.

Yes, we both wanted to be together later, we were just making each other insane by the end. He had stress, I had stress and our independant problems would manifest itself into out relationship making huge fights out of nothing. We agreed that some time apart would be good. We did it to save our relationship not thwart it. We were engaged last November but kind of put off making an actual wedding date.

We talked a little the other day and I asked if he feelings for me has changed. He replied with an enthusiastic "Hell no, I love you". I've never doubted his being completely in love with me. Like I said in my intitial post, our relationship was amazing. I told him also that if he wants to continue experimenting with other girls to not talk to me. I don't want to be around or hear about him screwing other girls. I don't mind because we're technically not together but I don't want to hear about the next morning. I'll give him his space if he plans on sleeping with other people. Although he already said (willingly) that he's not having sex with anyone else anymore. (I didn't make him promise).

We're both adults although sometimes we have a tendency to act like confused teens. I did sleep with another guy before he was with her and I told him I did. I think the reason was partly to try and 'get even' with me. Either way, we both only had sex with the 'other person' once and can count our partners on one hand. He has a history of being faithful and devoted. (Just so you know we're not complete sluts).

damn, i know exactly what you're talkin about. this same type of thing has been going on with me, except i think i'm more like your ex boyfriend...

last year me and my boyfriend broke up. we hated each other. ever since then, i've been hanging out with a friend we've both known for a while. my ex boyfriend started to hate him, and i started to hang out with him almost every day. so over the summer we've become really close. we haven't actually done IT, but it's a possibility, ya know?

me and my exboyfriend started talking again, and he was kinda pissed that i was hanging out with his once-good friend. there were some feelings left over between, but not enough for me. what i've had over the summer was awesome and though there were feelings there, i couldn't give up all these new feelings. he's been my friend for 4 years, and i guess i kinda had a little feeling it was gonna amount to something more, but i didn't know.

so i think i'm in your ex boyfriend's shoes. from your point of view, i think it'd be best to not try to rekindle the relationship. maybe THEY had a feeling it would abount to something more, they just didn't have a chance because he had you.

so... (wow, this was more confusing and difficult to explain than i thought it would be) i think you should leave them be for now. see if he comes around. you'll know it's real love if you set it free and it comes back to you.

quote:Originally posted by dandyindeed:

see if he comes around. you'll know it's real love if you set it free and it comes back to you.

Amen

mojo, you've helped me a few times, and normally i don't do the posts over 7 pages, but hell... why not do this one.

i had sex with a friend of jenna's before we started dating. i liked her friend a lot before we started dating too. but then i met jenna, and i decided to go out with her instead.

jenna was always uncomfortable with the fact that i still hung out with her friend a lot. but i fell in love with jenna, and would never cheat on her. didn't even want to after we started dating.

this seems a lot like your situation, more or less. you trust him, but you don't like the fact that they're close, and have had sex. simple enough situation to understand.

i think that the best course of action would be to just forgive and forget. you said it yourself that they were under the influence, and that it wasn't great. you're confident that it won't happen again. you two weren't dating at the time. the only problem is that you don't like that they're still close. (sorry if im rambling... thinking outloud... more or less.)

the problem is that she is in your territory. you don't care if he has close female friends. you don't care if he has sex with other girls. but you're the only girl that he's allowed to have both with. thats the mindset of love. you're mad, and feel betrayed that he has had both of those things with someone else. it's like she's moving in on your territory.

just let it go, jealousy isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind. he's given up the sexual relationship with her. you should just try to accept it, and be ok with it. i don't really know what else to say, except that you should try to help him with his drug problem, that's what (more or less) got you into this situation. pot is fine by me, but when you start getting into dangerous drugs a lot, it's really easy to lose someone you love.

[This message has been edited by EyeSore (edited 08-24-2003).]

...oi.

I'll e-mail you. I don't want to risk letting something slip that you haven't divulged to the public.

ok im actually gonna be nice here. find out who i am, ill get back 2 ya and me and the boys will fix him up. how that sound?

We already did the letting go thing. Earlier this year I broke it off because I didn't want to be with him anymore but I later on I realized I did. Then he broke it off because he didn't want to be together anymore and then he came back. Th next time we break up, it's permanent.

As far as the drugs.. the more I push, the more he'll pull. I noticed that once his drinking started bothering me, he did it more often. Now it's like he's a full blown alcoholic. That's another issue to be dealt with though.

Thanks guys. I know it was long and I appreciate your effort to read it all. I know how that long ones can get boring.

Don't be hard on yourself for finding the situation with his other woman friend a bit trying. I have been there more than once, on both ends, and have seen it work out ok, and I've have seen it work disasterously.

Most of the time you'll probably be able to convince yourself you're ok with it. But on bad days it'll be the worst thing in the world, and there won't be a goddamn thing you can do about it.

In a perfect world two women can co-exist in a man's life and both be ok with it. But having such a close woman friend will always invite possibilities.

quote:Originally posted by logical-not:

You are a bitch.

Mojo isn't a bitch. Go die or something.

goddamn... that situation SUCKS...

Well, I wouldn't make him choose between you two. As wrong as it was for them to get carried away, two wrongs don't make a right and forcing someone to give up their best mate in order to be with you is usually the wrong thing to do.

Giving him the ultimadum also doesn't guarantee that he won't see her, it'll just guarantee that you NEVER find out about it, there goes trust right out the window.

When you start making rules for grown men or women it tends to backfire. Instead its always a good idea to work out a mutual agreement, one that works equally well for both parties involved.

First off he needs to figure out if he made a mistake or not, if it WAS a mistake, then he needs to care about how his mistake has effected you, and he needs to recognize that certain things will need to change because of it. He'll have to be the one making the adjustments, he'll have to be the one figuring out what will allow him to maintain his friendship, yet still make you happy and keep you comfortable and secure. It is much more important that he do the right thing by you because he WANTS to, and not because you are forcing him to.

I wouldn't get the friend involved in this, I wouldn't talk to her. If it were me I would avoid all contact with her because lashing out at her (as I would be likely to do) would only damage the situation further.

I don't know what you're worried about…

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

I'd never start a relationship with a person who cheats.

Yes, I'm that good.

Here's a question for you: How would you feel if your ex/future BF tried to tell you who you could be friends with?

As for how you should take it, put a positive spin on it in your own mind. It is not like he is choosing you because you are the only real option for him. There is a real special person in his life, and he is still choosing you. Have confidence and assume the best. If it is not going to work out between the two of you, it will fall apart with or without the other woman in his life. You know how some guys get jealous every time their girl talks to some guy? You know how unattractive that is? Don’t be that way.

-Easy

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

Here's a question for you: How would you feel if your ex/future BF tried to tell you who you could be friends with?

This is an over-simplification. Mojo's case is about a specific woman who has a certain role in her dude's life. She's not controlling who he can/can't be friends with. Humans are complicated idiots. In a perfect world we all could be friends with anyone we choose and no one will ever get hurt.

quote:If it is not going to work out between the two of you, it will fall apart with or without the other woman in his life.

Disagreed. Having a "safety net" around makes it much easier to throw in the towel on one relationship and segue into one that's already comfy. Without the safety net, a person is more inclined to treat the present relationship with more respect. With the safety net, every time Mojo and he have a disagreement, he might think "Ok, whatever, Mary Sue never bitches like that..."

quote:You know how some guys get jealous every time their girl talks to some guy? You know how unattractive that is?

Completely agreed. Random jealousy is unattractive. But in Mojo's case, this isn't just "some woman." It's a close friend that has been in this guy's life for a long time, and the reason he wasn't with her when he met Mojo is because she had a bf. If I were Mojo, I'd be wondering whether or not I was actually "the chosen one."

quote:Don’t be that way.

She isn't. This situation is more complicated and is far beyond garden-variety jealousy.

EG, on a personal note...clearly we need to discuss the details of my second fiance more. Very, very similar situation.

I know he'd have to volunteer to communicate with her less but I don't see that happening. I also don't see me forcing him not see her happen. If he chooses to see her everyday, I won't makea big fuss, Ill just fade out. At this point, it's really not a big deal. We love (supposedly) each other and space doesn't change that. I'll giv him his time and hopefully, that time will let me be able to deal with her better. He might just say, ok, I'll tell her not to come over anymore. (He's flexible like that - sometimes).

He's never cheated on me. We weren't together and I gave him the green light to go have sex with a couple of other girls to get it out of his system, sow his wild oats. Like I said before, I'm positive nothing will happen again, I just don't like the whole situation between them two. It bothers me.

I'd agree with Cindy, I don't dictate who he's friends with. It's this specific chick, that he fucked and hangs out with more than he sees me. I think that's good grounds for trying to keep them a part a bit.

I know he has other options, that girl though, is not one of them. She doesn't like him (again, supposedly) and she wouldn't want to be with. Although, I'm still unsure how his feelings are for her compared to his feelings for me. And until I know all this and figure it out, we won't be back together.

I have confidence. I'm pretty vain to say the least, and I'd say that I have more of a variety to pick and choose from than he does. The thing is, I don't want anyone else. I'm picky and there aren't too many guys that can interest or impress me. To say the least, I'm very critical of guys I'm considereing being with. That might sound snobby or whatever but I have standards and that's what I think.

I said I'm not jealous of her. And it would be a far cry from the truth to say I get jealous of every girl he talks too. If anything, I get smug because they know he's with me and not them. I'm pretty comfortable with him being around other chicks (even if I'm not there and he's drunk). That doesn't bother me. The annoyance at hand is him being so cloes to the 'other girl'. I wish it would have been some girl he barely sees, not her. If that was the way it was, I wouldn't care, it's not the act the bothers me. It's the person who he did the act with.

You know it's strange. The first month we started going out, I met her. We were wearing the exact same thing, and that freaked me out. Which makes me consider if what he said about me being a substitute for her was the truth.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

quote:



Originally posted by Easy Going:

Here's a question for you: How would you feel if your ex/future BF tried to tell you who you could be friends with?



This is an over-simplification. Mojo's case is about a specific woman who has a certain role in her dude's life. She's not controlling who he can/can't be friends with. Humans are complicated idiots. In a perfect world we all could be friends with anyone we choose and no one will ever get hurt.

I don’t think it is oversimplifying at all. Having a good reason to feel the way she does, does not change the fact that she would be trying to control her BF’s life too much for a normal relationship if she asked him to not see a close friend of many years. Her BF would still feel the same way that she would in that situation. She should just let him know how she feels, and allow him to put her mind to ease if she wants. Insecurity looks very different from the 2 different perspectives, and you can’t just say it is okay if it is the type that you may identify with. Believe it or not, the people who seem insecure in a pathetic sort of way to you think they have a good reason for their feelings too. I am not just pinning this on you or Mojo; everyone is insecure about something and we all need to check ourselves in some situations.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

quote:



If it is not going to work out between the two of you, it will fall apart with or without the other woman in his life.



Disagreed. Having a "safety net" around makes it much easier to throw in the towel on one relationship and segue into one that's already comfy. Without the safety net, a person is more inclined to treat the present relationship with more respect. With the safety net, every time Mojo and he have a disagreement, he might think "Ok, whatever, Mary Sue never bitches like that..."

A relationship that stays together just because you are scared of being alone has fallen apart. I did not say “break up.” She can actually be better off having a guy stay with her when he has options because it makes it more real, IMO. If he does always lean towards breaking up in any fight because of his options, and just does not have the balls to go thru with it, then the relationship has fallen apart and she should move on.

You are right that a guy with limited options will do more for his GF, but I don’t think most women want that. I don’t see a lot of girls looking for the guy no one wants just to find a more attentive man. They want a good guy that is also attentive.

In order to improve the relationship, you must create a better option for someone, not try to close off other options. In my relationships, I never try to pressure any woman into a committed relationship. IMO, a committed relationship that is motivated by societal norms, ultimatums, or just logical progression is not worth anything. If someone wants to be faithful to me, that choice is motivated by love or other feelings for me that can grow into a better relationship. If it is any of the other things I mentioned, the commitment is rooted in fear, insecurity, or momentum and it is not going anywhere good without some change.

In Mojo’s case, it is not enough that he chooses her. How and why is just as important. If she puts him on the spot and he makes an easy decision, the feelings he ignores will come back later and cause problems. If she lets him be himself and he chooses her, they will both be a lot better off.

IMO, him having this option in his life really does not affect how good their relationship is. It can however effect how quickly she can identify a problem.

quote:Originally posted by deadlycindy:

quote:



You know how some guys get jealous every time their girl talks to some guy? You know how unattractive that is?



Completely agreed. Random jealousy is unattractive. But in Mojo's case, this isn't just "some woman." It's a close friend that has been in this guy's life for a long time, and the reason he wasn't with her when he met Mojo is because she had a bf. If I were Mojo, I'd be wondering whether or not I was actually "the chosen one."

All jealousy is unattractive. Some is justified like if they were involved and he cheated. If that’s the case, she needs to make a one time decision of what to do. In this case, she seems to think he did nothing wrong. She needs to just get over it. Even if he did something wrong, if she hangs on to it and stays jealous, regardless of how good the reason is, she will eventually seem pathetic to him. Right or wrong, whatever she does, she needs to decide something and move on. You cannot hang onto an issue like this and expect things to work out. Remember that everyone who is jealous thinks they have a good reason to be. Some are more right than others, but if they hang on to the feeling long enough, they will eventually all look the same.

-Easy

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

I said I'm not jealous of her. And it would be a far cry from the truth to say I get jealous of every girl he talks too. If anything, I get smug because they know he's with me and not them. I'm pretty comfortable with him being around other chicks (even if I'm not there and he's drunk). That doesn't bother me. The annoyance at hand is him being so cloes to the 'other girl'. I wish it would have been some girl he barely sees, not her. If that was the way it was, I wouldn't care, it's not the act the bothers me. It's the person who he did the act with.



Mojo,

It sounds like you are making a lot of good decisions, but I still think you sound jealous. Just because you were fine with him talking to some girls and fucking some too, it does not mean that you cannot be jealous of other things.

I could be wrong, but it seems to me that you are not afraid that he might fuck this girl as much as you'e afraid that he could fall in love with her. There are a lot of couples with open relationships that don't care who their partner fucks, but would hit the roof if they saw their partner holding hands with someone.

Just my 2 cents.

-Easy

In a normal situation, what she's describing would be your average jealous streak. While you could technically argue it's playing a role in this as well, consider the source of jealousy- not being secure in the belief that your significant other views you above all others.

Normally, we all rail on it as being stupid and retarded because it's brought on by paranoia, not based in fact. Mojo, on the other hand, is in a situation where she could get back together with her boyfriend, be able to trust that he won't have sex with this other girl, and still be #2 in who's more important to him. That's a bad state of affairs, and one which should be avoided if at all possible. She's doing that. There's not much else that can be asked of her.

quote:Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:

consider the source of jealousy- not being secure in the belief that your significant other views you above all others.



That is the source of all jealousy. I know that she has a better reason to think that than most, but jealousy is still jealousy. If the BF feels that he loves Mojo, and still want to be friends with this other girl, IMO, he has a right to feel that way and to feel like Mojo does not trust him if she has a problem with that. I know it is a tough situation, and I don't envy her position one bit, but you have to let jealously go, especially when it is tough.

-Easy

Nope, not jealous. Not insecure. I just don't want to deal with it, it's quite simple. I didn't make a big deal out of it and I don't want it to turn into a big deal. It might be an ultimatum but I'm not going to throw a fit if he chooses her. Whatever he decides I'll be fine with. The situation is one I don't have the patience for. He's got free reign over his life, what he chooses is his choice. What I choose is my choice. And I'm choosing to not put myself in the position of going out with someone who is best friends with a past partner.

Would you want to be with a girl who is best friends with her fuck buddy? It's not insecurity, it's just you don't do that. The most I talk to any of my past 'romances' is a couple of times a year. It's because I have respect for my present b/f, and wouldn't wan him to feel awkward. When you find someone you want to be with, all past lays should be out of the picture. That is unless, you have kids or some special circumstance.

I don't

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

Would you want to be with a girl who is best friends with her fuck buddy?

There is a big difference between someone who is best friends with their fuck buddy and someone who fucked their best friend. I guess I place too high a value on real friendship to expect someone to give one up for me. If cheating were involved, that would be different. But if I gave her permission and it did not turn out how I planned, I would like to think that I would at least give her a chance if she tried to choose me.

I did date this one girl in college that was still friends and debate partners with her former fuck buddy. We were not as close as it sounds like you and your ex were, but I really did not expect her to stop talking to this guy, or even limit it to just debate matters. I think she would have felt crowded and pressured if I had tried that. But who knows, she may have complied, but I would not have felt good about it. She knew what was up and how far she could go with him, and that was good enough for me.

Mojo, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your guy sees things your way.

-Easy

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

Mojo, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

-Easy

Sounds like a good idea.

The way i see it is, if ur b/f really loves u and wants to spend the rest of his life with u, then he should quit being friends with this chick, i mean they slept together and like u said u will never know when she's is at his place unless u guys are on the phone, thats if he even tells u.

Mojo if it was me i would make him choose,i would feel uncomfortable if they were still friends and u guys were together.

In the end do what makes u happy and please urself.All the Best and i really hope things go ur way.

Cheers Cheers

have you ever heard the saying....what comes out in anger comes from the heart...it's actually a rough translation from spanish..."lo que sale de la boca sale del corazon"

anyway...what caught my eye is the fact that when you two had an argument he said that you were just there because he couldn't have the girl he really wanted...(who happens to be his latest fuckee)....honestly...he's always wanted to do her and he will continue to want to do her and if she lets him...they will....this is obviously something that he has thought about alot....and maybe she was too....drugs or not...they had the frame of mind to discuss their "true feelings" for each other"But now he tells me he doesn't really like her and they clarified that before they even started anything"..you're a girl and deeeeeep down that 6th sense is telling you what you need to know ... whether you want to know it or not...

remember this...the heart is treacherous...meaning your heart can fuck you over real bad...follow your mind...not your heart...once you follow your heart you'll stay with him and become part of the huge statistic of women that allow men to walk all over them because they're afraid to be alone....if his feelings for you are strong and if he really doesn't like her then he'll have no problem with choosing...ask him how he'd feel if you fucked one of your close friends...i'm sure he'd want you to nip that "friendship" in the bud....

i wouldn't go for him again...if i was going to get back with a girl and her best male friend had fucked her then it ain't like he doesn't like her...so they'll see each other and who knows what will happen.

it may hurt but it'll be better than always wondering what he's upto with her when you guys aren't together...

move on, love...it's better for you in the long run!