I was with this chick the other day and we were making out and we were doing stuff and it felt good and I was having a good time. But when I got home, I felt really empty. Like I had done something wrong. This same thing happens whenever I'm with anyone. And when they call, I don't want to talk. I don't want to see them ever again. Not even like I'm fucking them and leaving or anything. Just regular making out causes this. But it gets worse. More recently I can't even get to know people and like them later. I don't like anyone. Every single person I meet pisses me off and I don't want to be with them. I've even started to hate my old friends. I can't even smoke pot anymore and feel good. Again, I get this terrible feeling like I've wasted my day and I feel like shit. I guess this is not so much on the topic of S&A anymore, but whatever. Have any of you ever experienced this? It's been going on and getting progressively worse for months. I don't know what to do. I feel like killing myself or something because I can never be happy. Please help

Sounds like some kind of clinical depression bipolar disorder. See a doctor about your problems before you kill youself. I think you would be right as rain if you got on someething to help you to see clearly again. JUst realize that maybe the reason you feel so bad if due to a mild chemical imballance.

But, hey at least you can get chicks.

Avoid medication at all costs. Make it the absolute last resort, which is what it should be. This falls on you, however, because too many doctors will drop it on you too quickly. You can learn to live with this and turn it into a positive.. even if some anti-depressant could make you a little bit better than you can make yourself, the dependancy isn't worth it.

I've spent a very long time dealing with a similar situation. Whenever I saw someone I knew in high school or something, I just wanted them to go away. I don't know why. It always felt like I was supposed to make conversation with them, which I didn't want to do, and I inexplicably walked away feeling shitty. Even friends that I haven't seen in a long time trigger this sort of response, despite the other side of my brain being happy to see them again. It's like I should be hanging out with them just because we ran across each other in the grocery store.

Maybe this is what you're feeling, maybe it's something else, but since it appears we're having similar reactions to people regardless of the reason, I'll tell you what worked for me.

Avoid them.

It may seem like a contradiction to the general belief of meeting your problems head on, but this is a situation where doing that may leave you buried in negative emotion. You can't dodge everyone forever, but you can cut down your time around them to a minimum. This doesn't mean you can't do the things you enjoy doing (unless it absolutely requires more than one person, but most activities don't). Just do them by yourself, or with whatever people don't trigger this "go away" sense in you.

You may very well piss some people off or make them worry about you. You can't concern yourself with that. Eventually, you'll start to open up to the rest of the world again. It may take weeks or months (in my case, a few years, but I always had a few friends I liked spending time with, plus you're more used to being with people than I was), but it will happen. Do your thing and avoid situations you don't like.

Remember, just because you don't deal with a problem head on, it doesn't mean you're running from it.

This is strait from the eyes of the beholder. Choose a different way to percieve.

quote:Originally posted by TheParkinator:

This is strait from the eyes of the beholder. Choose a different way to percieve.

I have a pretty good idea what you mean, but how do you expect this to be helpful to someone who's lost enough to throw a problem from the depths of her mind up on a message board, even one populated by intelligent people? You're not a goddamn Zen master.

Thanks, Spiffy. I figured you might be of help. I think I'll take your advice and just avoid people I don't like (unfourtunately, that includes everyone I know outside of my family) and not take any meds. I was on antidepressants for a time a couple years ago. I think they really hurt me, and I will turn to them again only as a very very last resort. Maybe not even then. Again, thanks for offering your advice. It's good to know that someone can relate to my situation.

How odd, I thought I was the only one.

There have been very few people in my life that I have actually wanted to be around...

I've had lots of friends, people I got along with wonderfully... but after spending time with them I felt exhausted or miserable or just plain angry. I still don't understand why I feel like this after spending time with certain people. *shrug*

Perhaps it has something to do with not being able to identify with them and vice/versa? Maybe I/we feel fucked up because we just wasted time with someone we're pretty damn sure doesn't have the first clue about who we really are... and doesn't care either?

I find it really easy to spend hours on end relaxing with people who i KNOW effortlessly "get" me... people I don't have to bother explaining myself to.

I haven't seen friends from the past in years, and I really hate the idea of meeting up with any of them... they were great people, but I really don't want to go back there... it gives me the creeps to just imagine running into anyone from highschool, god how horrible that would be. I sort of feel like they would be judging me... as if it were some sort of competition of who did the best with their lives, and I'd fail.

Life would be much easier without this quirk... but then again maybe everyone is secretely like this?

Oh yeah, and doing anything intimate with someone who can be classified as a stranger, or someone new, that tends to leave a hole in you. Like it or not emotions get tangled up in intimate activities and if the bond of friendship/love isn't there then it just confuses things in your subconscious.

Its wierd, you go out just wanting to do something fun, no strings attached, you're not even LOOKING for love, you fool around and move on, but later you're left with this yucky emptiness. You either stop fooling around, or you go numb to the emotions.

I stopped fooling around because I'm a big fan of feeling love for someone and once you go numb and start playing the field its a bit harder to get those feelings up and running again when you meet somebody you'd like to fall in love with.

[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 08-20-2003).]

Glitter, you're kind of young right? When I first read your post it was screaming 'teenage angst'. I think you might just be going through those shitty times that all teens go through. It might follow you through adulthood, then again, you might outgrow it. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I have a certain, uh taste, in people as well.

I kind of understand where you're coming from. You don't want to put in the effort of pretending you happy because you really don't care about the person. Sometimes I feel that to but there's that whole 'common courtesy' thing. What I do is just make an excuse that I gotta go, or I'm late for something. If they haven't done anything to piss you off, it would be heartless to say, "Don't talk to me, I don't like you". That is unless, they're getting annoying.

Medication, therapy is not needed for this. That's fine that your not Ms. Social, I hug everyone I meet type of person. Just try not to be extremely mean when you get that dreaded call.

i;m 23 and a paxil addict, I love everybody

Well, the point here is not that I only like a few people. I would be fine with that. That's how I've always been. The problem is that I don't like anyone at all. Two very different things, you see

you like your family... I don't even like seeing mine... imagine feeling the way you feel about your friends, only about your family... its wieeeeerd. Its almost like I'm afriad of them... *shrug*

That's a good point. Don't treat your family as being different. If you like their company, that counts the same as if you had friends filling that role. My mom's side of the family is huge, my dad's is small, but I generally see the same number from each group- zero. Besides, even if you didn't like spending time with anyone at all, there's nothing wrong with a hermit's life.

Loneleyness is emptyness and emptyness is cleanlieness and cleanlieness is godlyness and god is empty just like me.

Now that the Smashing Pumpkins are out of the way...

Emptieness sucks. My recomendation is to try and find someone that you can actualy connect with. It doesn't matter who or where or even if it's in person (the internet is a wonderful place, ain't it?). Not someone that you can get along with, but someone who just feels different from the rest of the vapid drones of humanity. Then talk.

This one is hard for me to related to. I consider everyone my friend, even if they don't consider me theirs, and -- although I've been "disappointed" a couple of times in my life-- I've never experienced "depression", so I can't relate to your obvioulsy upleasant condition, or really understand the tugs and pulls it is causing you.

The only insight I have is that I have a GF who seems to be experiencing symptoms and feelings like yours, and who has totally isolated herself---except from me. She says it has been diagnosed as "chronic depression". She and I are very close, and I feel like the singular, open, and trusting friendship she has chosen to share with me has been helpful to her. Could you find even ONE PERSON who you could break through to, and who could be there for you on a total friendship basis? Not everyone needs a bunch of superficial friends, but just one true, close one might good. I agree with Spiffy that there's nothing inherently wrong with an aloof, loner, or even hermit life, so long as it gives you pleasure and comfort. But I gather from your post here that you are not entirely happy with the way it is now for you. All I can suggest is maybe some professional help, and to think about the possibility that you can connect, openly and closely, with ONE OTHER PERSON with whom you can share your feelings. Obviously, everyone here at Totse are with you 100%. Love, Venus.

I had this happen to me early in the summer, so I just stopped smoking pot and moved on to harder stuff. Things are fine now.