Is there ever a time when you should just give up a friendship?

Neither of us has done anything to hurt the other, but it just seems like its become one sided. I feel like I am the one making all the effort to keep in contact, and when I finally do get in touch with her, its like she is not quite there. Not like she used to be.

Is it being selfish to expect things to not change, and to be able to have her undivided attention at least every once in a while?

We used to be best friends and tell each other everything. Now, we hardly know where the other is or what they are doing. We are definately growing apart, but is it inevitable? Can you fight it? and how? Is it even worth fighting? Our experiences are so different now, its hard for either of us to understand exactly what is compelling the other one to do what they are.

Its just, I came home for a week, and I feel like I am dealing with strangers. Not just with my friends, but my family as well.

I think sometimes people just like to be alone, and if you want to keep them you just have to let them go for a while.

Heck yeah, everybody needs their space. You grow up, discover different interests. It's natural. Maybe they're not meant to be that close anymore. There's nothing wrong with that. You go your way, they go theirs. I wouldn't dump 'em but you gradually grow apart. No biggie.

[This message has been edited by LwaysTired (edited 08-20-2003).]

meh. sucks doesn't it? people change. some grow together, some grow apart. such is life...

its always best not to fight it...

when I came home from college for summer it was like my parent's lives were so full that they no longer had room for me...

I got a little bummed, but I got over it and moved on.

I'm probably a bit like your friend, I don't think that friendships should require all that much effort... a true friend to me is someone who is always fun to catch up with every once in awhile... NOT someone who expects me to come over and "hang out" for hours in a week.

An adult friendship has to be a bit more flexible, because adult lives are so much more complex and full of constraints. You can't expect the same amount of attention from a friend when they're in their 20's and beyond because they've got their own lives by that time. They still have time for you, its just different.

You can't be too emotionally involved in adult relationships either. They're making decisions that you might not neccessarily agree with or understand, but you have to realize they're all grown up just like you and its their right to do what they think is best for their lives. You learn to just accept each other no matter how long its been or how much has changed.

[This message has been edited by Sarcophagus (edited 08-20-2003).]

The hard part about growing up is not quite realizing that you're going to do so whether you like it or not, and that everyone else will too.

They feel like strangers because, in a way, they are. You feel like they're different, but in reality, you may be the one who's changed the most. This is a good thing, even if it takes some getting used to. But you will.

As I've gotten older, I've started to believe that people really do come into and go out of your life for a reason. When looking back at various relationships I can see how I needed them at that time in my life or they needed me. It all works out, I wouldn't fret over it too much, there will be someone else very special to you before you know it.

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

Is there ever a time when you should just give up a friendship?

Neither of us has done anything to hurt the other, but it just seems like its become one sided. I feel like I am the one making all the effort to keep in contact, and when I finally do get in touch with her, its like she is not quite there. Not like she used to be.

Is it being selfish to expect things to not change, and to be able to have her undivided attention at least every once in a while?

We used to be best friends and tell each other everything. Now, we hardly know where the other is or what they are doing. We are definately growing apart, but is it inevitable? Can you fight it? and how? Is it even worth fighting? Our experiences are so different now, its hard for either of us to understand exactly what is compelling the other one to do what they are.

Its just, I came home for a week, and I feel like I am dealing with strangers. Not just with my friends, but my family as well.



First of all; no, it's not at all selfish of you to expect her undivided attention every now and again, not at all. Especially considering that you put so much into it; you're well within your right to expect that back, as long as you're fair (I can tell you are).

Secondly, in regards to whether or not it's worth saving, only you can answer that one. Ask yourself this question, though: Is the thought of life with her worse than the thought of life without her? You may not be able to answer that with a yes or no - I do understand things can get very complicated inside

As another person said, do give her some space, but at some point, when it seems right (you'll feel it), have a little talk with her. Don't be upset with her or accusatory, but be candid, you know? Tell her that you miss "the good old days", and maybe gently ask her if there's a reason involving you specifically that has estranged you both. In all my experiences, I've found that there is a reason for everything, but finding it, and handling it, can be hard to near impossible.

I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense or helping any, but I'm trying; I know just how heart-wrenching such things can be. I hope things work out for you, Isabel

-Infrared

aWe i know how you feel..but people change as they grow and mature so that things you used to do, people you used to see may deff seem different, maybe not as fun. if your old friends seem like they arn't your old friends anymore it's probebly because they arn't. they are growing into who they really are and may feel weird about opening up their pasts.

Yep.

People change, come and go, and also part ways.

Just gotta accept reality.