Not two hours did I get a crushing letter, from my longtime best friend and girlfriend, stating that things never felt right with me, that she has great times with me, that she does care, yadda yadda, ego stroke ego stroke, BUT: It's over, it's gone too far, she can't love me, and she knows she never will be able to, because it's "either there or not".

I've known this woman for a long time, and things culminated romantically a long time ago, and we had a very satisfying relationship. I was very in love. But I was just shattered. I guess it came to nothing. Now I'm getting this "you're a friend and nothing but" hard line from her. This really is hurting, and I'm not quite sure where to go from here. Anyone who's been in my situation knows it can't just be "gotten over" or "forgotten about".

I'm bitching, sorry about this. I don't expect sympathy from you guys, but I guess it helps to discuss this, is all. Thanks for listening/reading. In spite of all this shit, I'll stick around Totse and keep posting stuff in bad ideas about my nighttime ops (to anyone who's following), or whatnot. I'm kind of new, but I hope I can contribute to totse somehow. I may have just had my heart stepped on, but not my sense of adventure and my curiosity, and I'm still breathing. See you all later

-Infrared

ur hearts crushed just like mine my gf is moving away soon across the country........ =( im gunna go feel depressed

There are plenty of fish in the sea, you are bound to meet someone else.

hey..im in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now..and i can imagine the pain you're going through. before him...i have been hurt...but not by someone considered my best friend.

i cant tell you that you'll find someone just as good..because sometimes only one person can be remembered. but i guess the only thing i can tell you is that let this be a time for u to reconstruct your life to be WHAT YOU WANT. im sure when you were with her you thought of things you've wanted for yourself...go on and do them. just dont give up on ur self..and keep in touch. as pathetic as the "friends" effort is...just try...u never know...you may fall in love with her friendship and let urself realize no one has to leave you permanently. good luck

i can see that ur just got fuked over. what do u reckon? will u still be frnds with her? we can all understand if u dont and just wanna move on...

I have not a fucking clue where it goes from here. I just talked to her awhile ago, and got more "you're just a friend"/"wish me luck with my project, friend" shit. She loves to be hurtful, it seems like, but the thing is, she isn't. She just wishes she was; she wants to be heartless, but if you give her time, she comes back remorseful and tells you she's not heartless (but that she still can't love me). She's still heartless enough for me. But I can't get over her either. God damnit. I don't know if I want her in my life because I think we're meant to be, or if I want her out entirely because she hurt me so badly. Who knows

-Infrared

One word: Alcohol.

yeah man, Alcohol is the only way.

or weed, smoke until you remember no more, if your luck youll meet someone once you are...not stoned anymore...ok so i havent done it but i guy i know did...yesh so go with alcohol

Alcohol never helps me - I just drink and feel dizzy and swimmy, but still sad. Then I have to deal with the hangover in the morning. I've tried weed to and it has no effect on me whatsoever. Thanks for the (questionable) suggestions, but I've tried it all

-Infrared, who should try a little drug called ".45 caliber bullet behind the ear"

You should try some medicine that is nicknamed. "Suicide is Cowardice so get on with your life". Seriously, just because you lose one person it does not mean the whole world is going to end. Move on and enjoy your life. Don't ruin it by putting a bullet through your head.

quote:-Infrared, who should try a little drug called ".45 caliber bullet behind the ear"

I hear the mortality rate is high with that one.

[This message has been edited by Rabid Tangerine (edited 08-18-2003).]

Boohoo. my life sucks. help me, save me, comfort me. thats what i took from your post. well fuck off.

im sick and fucking tired of hearing people bitch and moan about losing their girlfriend and they should kill themselves because no one loves them.

big fucking deal. grow up you sappy little shit. everybody has problems. quit being such a little cunt and face it, she doesn't care, so move on.

quit looking for people to pat you on the back and say "it'll be ok" or "everything witll get better" because nothing is going to get better. your life sucks and will continue to unless you quit letting it.

maybe your right though, put a bullet through your fucking head and get it over with. if you're going to do it, then do it. don't tell people you're going to kill yourself in a desperate plea for attention. i have no partience for suicidal people. if they just shut up and killed themselves already, it'd make one less person complaining to me.

everybody's got problems. you're not special.

[This message has been edited by EyeSore (edited 08-18-2003).]

I agree with Darkfire..

Take a step back and realize what you are saying, This is obviously what she likes to see. Dont give her the pleasure of watching you crawl.. I say throw a party and get fucked up out of your mind,.. There appears to be no way of fixing the situation and its not your fault so just relax and remember what goes around comes around...

quote:Originally posted by EyeSore:

Boohoo. my life sucks. help me, save me, comfort me. thats what i took from your post. well fuck off.

im sick and fucking tired of hearing people bitch and moan about losing their girlfriend and they should kill themselves because no one loves them.

big fucking deal. grow up you sappy little shit. everybody has problems. quit being such a little cunt and face it, she doesn't care, so move on.

quit looking for people to pat you on the back and say "it'll be ok" or "everything witll get better" because nothing is going to get better. your life sucks and will continue to unless you quit letting it.

maybe your right though, put a bullet through your fucking head and get it over with. if you're going to do it, then do it. don't tell people you're going to kill yourself in a desperate plea for attention. i have no partience for suicidal people. if they just shut up and killed themselves already, it'd make one less person complaining to me.

everybody's got problems. you're not special.

[This message has been edited by EyeSore (edited 08-18-2003).]



Maybe you didn't notice the "I'm not looking for sympathy" thing.

And the .45 cal thing was a poor attempt at humor, I'm not suicidal at all. I'm broken, but still breathing, like I said.

Idiot.

-Infrared

Give it 6 months of no contact at all. You will be fine. Trust me

If your a real man physical pain should be the only pain u ever feel.

quote:Originally posted by KungFuJim:

If your a real man physical pain should be the only pain u ever feel.

It's probably the only pain you'll ever feel because you're fucking lobotomized.

Listen, dude. She was upfront and honest with you about this. Why do you call her heartless? Would you have preferred she came up with some bullshit reason that you would have easily seen through as a lie? From what you're saying, it sounds like she may have been needing to do this for some time, but didn't simply because she knew how hurt you'd be. How heartless is that?

You're fucked up over this, as is to be expected. Anyone who says you need to get out on the town next weekend and fuck some random chick is an idiot. Take a little time to dig yourself out of this emotional hole you're in. Go sob into your pillow for a week if you need to, no one will see. Get your mind at least somewhat settled, then go out and do things (not necessarily girl-related). Find your life again. The rest will take care of itself.

[This message has been edited by Spiffy McBang (edited 08-20-2003).]

*cough*letter bomb*cough*

or just get over it and you'll meet someone else sooner or later.

KungFuJim:



If your a real man physical pain should be the only pain u ever feel.

What a load of shit

Thanks for the both up-front and more gentle advice, but really, I only posted about this just because I feel like when I do that, when I tell someone about it, I've at least organized shit in my head, and I have a little direction. I'm not sure how that works, but it does. I know I'll probably get over it, but I'm going to need some time. Spiff especially: thanks for the advice

-Infrared

infared, sorry about being bitchy.... i was having a bad day... been depressed a bit lately, posted about it like 2 weeks ago

quote:Originally posted by KungFuJim:

If your a real man physical pain should be the only pain u ever feel.

I got over that shit a long time ago, fool. Now I am hardcore built-again robot.

http://www.defnet.u-net.com/moderator.jpg (http://www.defnet.u-net.com/moderator.jpg)

Ever see Fight Club? Try that with some buddies, without all that hippie/neo-fascist crap at the end. Works wonders.

quote:Originally posted by Black Flag:

One word: Alcohol.

Not only that, but it helps you cry also, not trying to flame but thats what I do when I can't cry sober. I am always happier when I come down or wake up from passing out.

Beat the ever living fuck out of something or someone that worked for me. One time after my gf broke up with me my bro said something that was enough to push me off the edge and I let loose into him. Got about 6-8 punches in and then his and my friend stepped in between us and held us back. Afterwards though I felt a helluva lot better. Just build up all your rage then go find someone you can't stand and knwo you can beat. It kinda works itself out from there. I know this sounds like BS or a joke or something but it seriously works for me. Violence is my vent. I also have guns.

i know if my girlfriend did that to me i would have to cut contact completely for a long time. after that id see what happened. but its the safest option.

there are plenty of fish in the sea but you have to have a pole to catch them

As some one who's been boken up with and done the breaking ( as you will too one day), I say let it go.

The way she told you shows that she cares about you as a person but it's not there for her. DO NOT go the "tell me what i can do to make it better" route. I had an Ex do that once and it was a total turn off. It's pathetic to tell someone you'll be what they want. Be who you are.

No Alcohol, No drugs, just go get a date so you can have your rebound already and move on.

Then again I'm prety heartbroken myself so you may want to take all of that with a grain of salt.

if you want to vent some frustration about it, instead of beating someone up, do something productive. if you live near some forest or in a subberb with one nearby (like not in nyc) get an axe, and go cut down a tree. i know it sounds stupid. but i know that when i get angry (which is very seldom) i need to get it out. punching a pillow or a punching bag doesn't work because it just swings right back unharmed. throwing a lamp against the wall works, but then i break a lamp. basically, the easiest way to vent anger is through destroying something. tree's don't feel pain. no one really worries about 1 tree cut down in a forrest. it really works well.

trees do feel pain. you're not enlightened enough to recognize it. you're killing mother earth and nature is pissed.

quote:Originally posted by RIGHTEOUS IMPIETY:

trees do feel pain. you're not enlightened enough to recognize it. you're killing mother earth and nature is pissed.

dude. im a vegitarian. i'm enlightened. im also smart. trees don't have a nervous system, the don't have any sensory systems. they feel no pain.

quote:Originally posted by Twilighteyes:

As some one who's been boken up with and done the breaking ( as you will too one day), I say let it go.

The way she told you shows that she cares about you as a person but it's not there for her. DO NOT go the "tell me what i can do to make it better" route. I had an Ex do that once and it was a total turn off. It's pathetic to tell someone you'll be what they want. Be who you are.

No Alcohol, No drugs, just go get a date so you can have your rebound already and move on.

Then again I'm prety heartbroken myself so you may want to take all of that with a grain of salt.

In regards to the "I can change" route: Fuck no. I have my pride still, and my sensibility. I never once tried to tell her that. And hey, I'm sorry to hear you're heartbroken yourself. It's possibly the worst feeling ever, isn't it?

The story still goes on, I guess. I really should just break contact, but the problem is, I still care about her as a person too. Don't call me lovestruck: her and I were nothing but very good friends for a good 2 1/2 years before anything romantic happened, and we never lost sight of that; we aren't even now. But therein lies the problem; I stay her friend, and I can never forget about things and move on. I go away, she hates me, her heart is broken too, and as soft as this may seem, I don't want to do that to her. I still have respect for her, if nothing else, because like several people have pointed out, she WAS honest with me, at least.

-Infrared

quote:Originally posted by DarkFire47:

There are plenty of fish in the sea

But there aren't many mermaids.

quote:Originally posted by Armed&Angry:

Ever see Fight Club? Try that with some buddies,

I tried it yesterday I unfortunatly had to fight a guy that plays rugby(rugby men cant feel pain)but I knocked the crap out of him and then I won by putting him in my death lock and he subbmitted.

Cut off all contact.It may seem hard but at least your not stuck seeing her every fucking week coz you happen to share the same friends.All that causes is a lot of fighting especially when drink is involved.And on the bright side it's over before ther was any cheating.Your break up was pretty amicable compared to my last one so be grateful.I know it's not of much use but the only thing you can do is forget about her no matter how hard it may be.Go out,get laid or something coz it's too late to do anything else